Evening, Afternoon, midnight greetings to you whatever time it is currently in your own timezone... I'm not a big fan of clocks even though we are all tied to them like Hamsters on a wheel... Here is where i propose the invention of "Cork Mean Time" its a little like Greenwich Mean Time but because that is an English invention it has to be precise and make some kind of sense and must be followed to the letter.. NO!!! I pronounce "Cork Meantime", forget the pain of being slavishly hypnotised by hands or digits, minutes or hours... The day should be broken up into units, like SLEEP, EAT, DRINK, PLAY units... What happens is you save up your units over a period of time and they can be cashed in whenever you feel like it.. You see the benefits straight away. We need no longer be held liable for any missed work, school etc... because we had saved up enough units to avoid them... Obviously i am still working on the finer details but you get the idea.. CORKTIME should be on its own... We dont have to follow the world on this one... and even though we'd probably end up like a bunch of wasted vagrants... dont tell me their not happy!!!

Anyway sorry about that ... In the words of the great Marty Party.... PEACE OUT

And Be Gorrah and Be Jaysus didn't i just find the most bizarre cartoon depicting us fighting Oirish ever... It's called "Captain Planet saves Belfast" and is such an incredibly realsitic interpretation of life in the Northern Ireland there'e even a feckin Camel in there somehere... or is thta Ian Paisley... Check it Out... MENTAL

Well ye are always wondering what we look like so here is a pic from the archives...

Had these boys on the show today direct from the damp and squalid conditions of Bally dung Manor... We had to keep these two ginger perves on a leash as they could go off at any time!!!

Here's a clip of one of the most bizarre interviews seen on Irish TV... apart from the time Paul Stokes (guy who drove into RTE studio in his Micra!) nearly jumped on Pat Kenny on The Late Late Show in his trademark brown leather jacket!!



And don't forget this Titan of Titillation, The Prophet of Comedy himself... Big Meath head on him... Yes its TT Tommy Tiernan... If you were lucky enough to get a ticket for his shows this weekend at the Comedy Club then fair play and ENJOY..
Here's some classic Tommy... (and if ye heard the interview with Tommy on the Rooster this morning i was prett nervous as he is defo one of my comedy heroes and mad as a dog slidin out a pipe with a bone up his hole)...

HERE'S TOMMY!!!!!!!




see ye monday...

Remember those shoes on Marty McFly in Back to the Future 2... Class yokes and no need for laces...tripping over yourself and bopping the wall and ending up with your head in the cavity. There have been similar attempts previously with the Reebok Pump and Puma Disc... both were fairly shite to be honest and if you didn't have tree trunk legs the PUMPS made you look like a golf club... BUT NOW the campaign to get the MARTY MCFLY Nikes on the shelves has begun. Check out - http://www.mcfly2015.com/ and sign the petition. NO MORE LACES !!!

(yes i know you can get slip ons but jesus wouldn't the Mcfly Nikes be so much more fun!)

Good Luck to the POOL tonight even though i am a United fan i have to admire the fact that the Scousers always seem to give a good game in Europe and goals are guaranteed either scored by them or conceded... They are heading for an unprecedented Sixth European Cup but will do well to keep Kaka and Seedorf quiet...

2 - 1 to Milan. Sorry Pool fans. CALM DOWN !! CALM DOWN!!

Here's some classic Scouser action from Harry Enfield for ye la...



Go Well

Here's the brilliant Enda Kenny 'Pop Idol' sketch...



And not being Politically biased here's Bertie on the BBC show 'Dragon's Den' ...



Some more stuff from today's show ...

Let's sort out our licensing laws now and get the 2am closing time changed its a feckin joke... Thousands of people piling onto the street at the same time off their heads from hitting the Bar like mad yokes for the last ten minutes before closing time... CHANGE THESE OUTDATED LAWS NOW.

If you agree with the above statement please visit - www.giveusthenight.com and sign the petition to get Politicians to WAKE UP!

Also on the show Una Shinners, Producer of new show 'A Class Act'... If you are aged between 13 and 17 and have a talent whatever it is contact -

Closing date is June 8th. For an application form and further details, please log on to http://www.rte.ie/tv/classact or email classact@sideline.ie

Go Well...

Dont miss tomorrow's show we will be having a Champions League Final Special...

Here's a pic of me last week...

Well i was glad to have a few days off last week... kinda had to take them as i was fit for fainting after the end of last Wednesday's show... I came off air and felt really light headed... Jaysus i was a bit worried... turns out i have a viral infection....BOOOOOO and had it all week.. thanksfully i'm over the worst of it...HHHUURRRRAAHHHHH So i am back on in the morning to crucify yopur ears with my funny bits..har har ...uuummmmmmmm Well hope ye had a top weekend and keep listening all week as we have the "World's Biggest Pair of Cheese Shoes" to give away and a large pair of underpants once worn by B.A. Baracus a.k.a. Mr. T from the hit eighties action series A-Team ... so you better pin the ears back and sellotape them to your wireless...

And we are hoping to have Tommy Tiernan on the show later this week...WWWAAAHHHEEEYYYYYYY.... Class

Take it easy and talk to you soon

P.S. Check out this clip i found ripping the piss out of Desperate Housewives... Last in the series is on tomorrow night...

GO WELL

'JESUS WAVES!'

This may be the image you get in your head if you were to think of Christian Surfers... some guy with a beard and sandals catching a tube and probably on a cross!! This morning we had a chap called Steve Boal, Head of Christian Surfers Ireland... Its one of the biggest growing sports in Ireland at the moment and especially in Cork where the waves in the West are talked about around the world... Tried it myself a few times when in OZ but Jesus... and i mean Jesus himself would have trouble keeping me balanced on the board... gotta get back into it... If you want some info on Christian Surfers and what they get up to check out - christiansurfers.co.uk

Also had Traolach O'Murchu from wildfire films looking for people to star in a Documentary about 'Consuming Passions' for RTE. If you share a love for the open road, caravans, camper vans or you know someone who has a horn for their VW Combie then get in contact with him at - info@wildfirefilms.net or give him a call at - 01 6351733.

Until tomorrow cheer yourself up with this classic scene from Comedy Classic 'KINGPIN' -

"Big Earn is finally above the law"

Well ye saw the picture of me at the start of the week but so thought i better throw one in of the two of us on a Friday...

Giving away PINK tickets next week so you better be pinning your lugs to the radio if you are a fan of the kinda sexy/crazy/saucy/tough as breeze blocks/ tatooed lady... Also we have a special feature on Scientology on Monday and loadsa comedy so tune in ye legends.....

also had TOMMY TIERNAN tickets given away to day.... We may have some more to give away so keep listening....

"HERE'S TOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here's a pic of me turning up for work this morning...

Yes its S.T.S. Squeezed Teabag Syndrome all over the city today as we come to terms with the first day back after the bank Holiday Weekend... will we ever learn? No. And f*ck it anyway sur we do enough work and hope your WKD was class and full of cheers and laughter... and love aaaaahhhhh.

Well its a four day week so that is something to smile about... Keep listening all this week if you want to win a top of the range 3G bill phone and a year's free usage

We are lookming for all you Motormouths and Big Mouth Yappers to contact the show and tell us about your bills!!! The biggest and best stories will be put in the draw and we will give it away on Friday... That is of course unless KC nicks it... Those Mayo people still have a peasant mentality ye know but sur I will try to keep him in line.

The Hoff in a more familiar pose riding a couple of Puppies

He's "HOFF HIS HEAD!" I hear you scream

This is the footage we thought we would never see... Its eighties icon and car conversationist, cheesemeister, sometime Lifeguard and stomach holder inner chest puffed out, mulleted superstar David Hasselhoff in an unfamilar scene of drunken stupidity munchin on a Burger from Lennox's and if you look closely he also has a potato pie hidden from his daughter... Well i will be perfectly honest with you and say i've seen people in much worse states that that after booze but he is an alcoholic and fair play to his daughter who warned him she would put the video on the net... It's another slip on the slide of the man who is hands down the most searched for subject on the net... when i say subject i dont include saucy stuff... which coincidentally leads me to one of the reasons why Hasselhoff's ex-wife is divorcing him... apparently he gave her crabs... not the seafood kind.

On that note have a TOP WEEKEND and enjoy the weather.

SALUTE TO THE SUN MA BRETHREN

TOBEY MAGUIRE CLIP (try to ignore annoying advert at start)

Here is the full video of Tobey MaGuire swatting the camera like a fly in his web out of the hands of an oncoming fan at the premiere of Spiderman 3... What they didn't report in The Sun was Maguire apologising to the fan as seen here and then posing and signing autographs for the stunned Parisian that approached him earlier and felt the wrath of the Spiderman... He even offered to sleep with the guys girlfriend and re-carpet his house for free... What a Guy...

Spidey 3 out on Friday cant wait..... Wahey

Genuine Church sign found in Alabama, USA ... I told ye i was telling the truth but as usual the Son of God will end up getting cross... AAAARRRGGHHHH

This is a genuine episode of children's TV classic 'RAINBOW'... The story is that it was made as part of the Production Company's Christmas party but it was eventually leaked and has been broadcast ever since... Although watch any kid's TV shopw and you will see how innuendo laden they are... i think its just bored writers... and you cant blame them jesus there is only so much writing about f*ckin numbers, letters and spludgy, spludgy porridge or shite a human mind can take... Although the people that present them are even more disturbing.. i'm talking Hi-5 and The Wiggles... uuuuuggghhh The Wiggles... frightening grown men making millions and actually dressing like they should be queuing up to sign on some deviance register every week...aaaarrrggghhhh

Anyway tune in all week to win a luxury break in 'CASTLE LESLIE' in Co. Monaghan with Chivers Jam & Preserves... live like Posh & Becks for a wkd of absolute luxury.. All you have to do is tell us a sticky situation that you have been in but managed to wriggle out of ... or not BEST one wins the trip

Just Text in the morning to - 0868273336

Cheers,

Jah Bless Ma Brethren

Hope ye have a class weekend. Just to give you a few smiles heading into your weekend check out the video above... it hilarious


And if that wasn't enough to tickle your thighs here's a link to one of the best websites ever!!!!

It has tons of TV Shows, Music Videos, cartoons and Movies to feed your eyes on...


http://www.tv-links.co.uk/

Go Well,

Len

Mary Harney goes on the Campaign Trail

If you haven't seen it yet then please dont drop a log if you see a huge white monstrosity parked up on the bay of Cobh. The 'Navigator of the Seas" is berthed there for a few days so the rich and restless on board can sample the delights of our fine city. It might look like a floating council block tower that wouldn't look out of place on a Ballyfermot estate or on an episode of Only Fools and Horses but it certainly doesn't share the Interior Decorator of Nelson Mandela Towers... Below are a few snaps taken by our resident Receptionist Nuala... i know they look superimposed but are infact real... and a few snaps i took of the interior yesterday when i sneaked into one of the ice sculptures being used for display at the Captain's party last night.. Froze me bollocks off but it was worthit to get ye these pics...

Further info at:

http://www.ship-technology.com/projects/navigator/index.html#navigator5

"Just back her up a bit dere, just make sure the handbrake is on"

"Now where did i park that f*ckin ship?"

The Royal Promenade - looks like a posh shopping centre without kids in hoodies hanging around escalators...

Main Dining Room - "Right i'm sure i saw a Burger King around here somewhere..."

Pool Deck - Have a dip and a Veruca... Wahey...
"Why is the water changing colour near that child?"

KC caught shopping in Mayo...

Funny Video with tennis balls... v.good

PJ and his "Eye of the Penis"interpretation of the Rocky movie theme song "Eye of the Tiger" CLASS



Georgey Porgey on Naked camera


hey peeps hows it hanging...

Well done to all the heads that won tickets to see PJ Gallagher live in City Limits 2nite and Sat nite and those of yez who won Naked camera... If ye didn't win try to get yourself down there this wkd as he is af*ckin gas man... Here's a taster above of the man himself in action...

sorry about the vid below of Will Ferrell and the Little Landlord... Youtube took it off the site cos of Copyright infringement so i have found the original source...Take two minutes from whattever you are doing and check it out its brilliant... "I got my drink on"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out The Landlord at http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925 - it's on http://funnyordie.com

Have a crackin weekend and be safe ... if ye cant be safe thats grand.

WILL FERRELL LANDLORD SKETCH ... CLASS

Well if you've ever had a Landlord call around without notice and you are living in shared accomodation then you know what this guy is going through.. Although they probably were older than a shop refund policy...

"I'M JUST BUZZED"

Final day of our Cork to Corfu giveaway tomorrow... Jaysus Tom from Mayfield looks like he may have stuck it in the back of the net as he sweeped the board clean today with an excellent 10 out of 10 on my General Knowledge quiz.. i thought the Shandon Tower creature (the Golden Salmon) might be a sticker but he flew it.. fair play.
Had Neil Delamere from Just for Laughs and The Panel on this morning.. As usual he is a sound guy and a top class comic which is nice...

Tomorrow is Friday ... WAHEY .. CU Later

"Yo, yo , yo... i love snow ... and maybe someday i will go to the North Pole... on second thoughts i will in me hole..."

Anyway after that freestyle masterclass i have decided to rhyme todays Blog ... only cos its quicker and i need to drop a log .... but if i was a machine then all a yuse would be my cogs... Well enough of that shite i think i will leave freestyle Irish rapping to Spiral from Big Brother...

Here's the link for Britney Spears going off her balls in an interview doin a really random impression... SCARY STUFF from the weird one..

Just copy and paste the link:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007170655,00.html


If you're single and you fancy hooking up with some other like-minded single men and ladies then check then email: info@lovehuntersweekend.com.

Its a weekend organised by Ken O'Day for men and women twenty and upwards who are looking for partner and a good craic so check it out if thats your bag...

That's it from me so go well and get a cream for that...

Well i hope ye had a good weekend ... me on the other hand ... well i don't like to complain but i spent a good part of the weekend hidden inside a cheese decorating the deli counter of a well known upmarket supermarket chain. Apart from that and retrieving a small cat from the chimney of my house on Friday night after she decided on entertaining everyone with her Santa Claus impression I am grand.

Incredible headlines in the papers today about another massacre in the US... When the f*ck are the American govt going to realise the link between selling guns in shops and people being slaughtered at work or school. The only thing you should be worried about in College is where the price of your next pint is coming from, who the f*ck stole your chicken drummers from the freezer and if that girl or boy in the dorm is up for it... not the fact that you may just be coming home in a bodybag... We played a piece of audio today which kind of sums up the extent to which the U.S. has embraced guns as part of their culture... A guy running a Pawn shop in Louisiana noticed a man entering the store with a toddler and was amazed when this guy proceeded to show his child how to hold and fire an AK-47 semi-automatic machine gun... Video link below... Unreal.

Just copy and paste this link to see this unbelievable and terrifying footage:

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/11534890/detail.html

Plus if you want to sign the petition to FREE THE FIFA 2, Colin Healy and Gareth Farrelly please copy and paste this link here:

http://www.gopetition.com/online/11771.html

Gotta go and help some needy donkeys so Go Well and good luck,

Len

The Rock

Glenda Gilson

"Thank f*ck its Friday"

Well we have come to the end of another exciting week and the words above will have been screamed from the top of every bank, shop, pub, street and building where we Corkonians ply our trade... unless of course you are still going to school and it'll be more like "Aw for f*cksake its Friday and the hols are over, where's me f*ckin uniform aaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh"...

Thanks for tuning in today it means alot to myself and the Mayo giant and if i could just reach around (no pun intended) to hug ye all i would... Infact here go on take this open armed gesture and give me a cuddle... there we are a bit of love on a Friday... Ok, Ok some of the lads are finding it difficult to get in touch with yer sensitive side... no worries here look take a firm handshake... there we are now.....huuurrrmmppphhhh ah Rugby isn't it great and tough...

NOW LISTEN UP Open your eyes and ears and please give your support to the Free The Fifa 2 campaign to release the two boys at Cork City F.C. - COLIN HEALY and GARETH FARRELLY - and allow them to be free to express their class talents on the Cork City faithful. Copy and paste the link below and give F.I.F.A. the two fingers they deserve for this sham.

http://www.gopetition.com/online/11771.html

Nearly ready to head but before i jump on my Penny Farthing and go home to my wheelie bin I was secretly surprised at Glenda Gilson. I thought she might be a bit lost up her own arse but infact she was okay considering she was just off her flight from ... like Dublin ... like.. well she didn't really have the D4's about her and had a laugh... The same can't be said for Jarlath.. or Charlotte Regan who came on earlier... His profession is supposedly a "Comedian" yet he was about as funny as a smashed glass in the face. I would just like to apologise to anyone out there listening as he was rubbish and sounded like he was either under his duvet or just slow in the head.

Anyway enough of that, make sure you have a class weekend and Go Well.

Slainte