PORTUGAL ROAD TRIP

SOME PICS FROM CIRCUMNAVIGATING THE GLOBE...ERM WELL THE ALGARVE


A real sun of a beach


Odeceixe. A gem for surfers and co. up the west coast


Cliffs of San Vicente. S.W. of Algarve and the furthest point west of Europe and jaysus the windiest feckin place i have ever been...well apart from growing up sharing a room with a brother who had a baked bean fetish :-(


More cliffs


Austin Powers was at the beach...


...as was Simon Cowell...


...oh and Jesus...."It was this big biy"


Sheena spots a beach


"I mangled me hand in a threshing machine, but saved me pint...Wahey!"


Baleeira beach methinks


Erm...


Took two hours to remove the glass


Some dudes dredging for salt...if you look closely you can make out Kerry Katona hovering in the background


Surf town called Sagres...very windy but superb water and beaches. Water looks like a painting...infact its a watercolour...erm ok sorry...i'll em get me coat...

WARNING...THIS VIDEO MAY INDUCE EAR BLEEDS

We played this for you on the show this morning. It's the reason why Eilish was a little hoarse (no, not a pony - her voice was missing) and with a little help from a secret camera we reveal why!

Here is RedFM News & Sport's rendition of Gina G's 'Ooh Ah Just a Little Bit', you know the the song by the Aussie bird who was in the Eurovision years ago and now shares a wheelie bin with Oscar the Grouch:

(Disclaimer: If you have any small animals or children in the vicinity the management refuses to be liable for any future mental episodes as a direct result of viewing this clip)




...my sources tell me there is a clip doing the rounds of a certain Ruari O Hagan and Colm O Sullivan from RedFM Sport performing a duet of Take That's 'Back For Good'. To quote a famous Daniel Day Lewis line from The Last of The Mohicans..."I will find you (video clip), I will find you"

While i hunt down that clip, here's what i imagine it will be like:

NEW MOBILE TOILET FOR LADIES...LOOKS LIKE A NOVELTY OVEN GLOVE

It's called The Ladybag



TUBRIDY IS BACK ON TV TONIGHT



The longest running talkshow in the world (47 years!...which is approximately the length of time it takes to receive tickets) The Late Late Show returns to our screens. This time it is presented by the smart sharply dressed but unfortunately overbearing eyebrow emaciated streaky rasher Ryan Tubridy. Apparently, they are wheeling out Brian Cowen (Hardy to Tubber's Laurel) Joan Collins (i thought she was dead?) and Sharon Corr (yawn), oh and Brian McFadden is supposedly "dramatically flying in" (what exactly does that mean will he be wearing a cape?) according to the Tabloids to fight for custody of his kids from ex-wife Kerry Katona, a woman who has been known to jump from a moving vehicle to pounce on the continuous white line on the road. Well, whatever the craic he will definitely be less wooden than The Plank and hopefully he will give it a good whack. One plus is that the original theme tune is coming back. I remember when i used to hear the first few notes which meant i could stay up late, there in me dressing gown ateing turf and watching the ol' man wind up the black and white telly..aaah them's were the days:

WARNING: IF YOU'RE SQUEMISH DO NOT SCROLL DOWN...



























































Blarney was more like Baghdad on bomb day after i found this gruesome discovery in my driveway. I told you it was grim.

Oooh and in other unrelated but equally shocking developments that renowned Corkman Jonathan Rhys Meyers *cue lightning sound effects* has failed to turn up at his French Court appearance after he turned up Legless (geddit!?) ... f*ck me tough crowd... on an airplane a few months back...Jonathan Rhys Mangled

Here are some EXCLUSIVE clips of what happened:

REMAKE, REMAKE, REMAKE

They tried it with Knight Rider and with Val (i'm now far too bloated for representation of my physical form on TV) Kilmer as the voice of K.I.T.T. it was (is) for some reason they commissioned a second series, an unmitigated fecking disaster. It's on the Sci-fi channel or FX, somewhere in the bowels of Cable TV and is best avoided. Now, they are turning their eyes to Teenwolf that classic 80s movie about the hirsute, high school hero played by the legendary Michael J. Fox and is based i believe on the school years of Robin Williams. MTV said that they are now in the final stages of making a series based on the film:


Hollwood Actor Robin Williams


An Orangutan.

BACK IN BLACK (well it was very dark this morning)

Back in the saddle from my ten day trip to The Algarve. Myself and the missus spent our time travelling the south and west coast of Portugal soaking up some well earned rays of the good Lord's sunshine. It was a brill trip and will have photos asap...

Here's just a couple to start with:


Our little holiday runaround


...wow i really missed the weather (NOT!) this is a flood at the back of RedFM today...MENTAL...i'm just waiting for Noah to make an appearance


...my tan is definitely wearing off

and if you think i have a dodgy laugh check this out:

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

I'M GOING ON A ...



SOME EXCLUSIIVE FOOTAGE OF ME ON HOLIDAY BOPPING TO THAT TRACK...



GOOD LUCK TO MUNSTER, CORK FOOTBALLERS AGAINST TYRONE AND IF YOU ARE A SOCCER FAN CHECK OUT MY 'ARANMAN' PREVIEW OF THE PREMIERSHIP:

http://entertainment.ie/Other/feature/Aran-Man---Your-Footballing-Philanthropist/6/351.htm

TAKE CARE WHILE I'M AWAY AND I LOVE YOU ALL...in the meantime here is a series of funny pictures involving animals...magic:

DON'T MESS WITH HILLARY...

She may already have a Nutcracker made in her honour...

...and nobody can accuse her of not having the balls, but Hillary Clinton the US Secretary of State got a little miffed recently on a trip to the Congo when a student (who sounds like a little girl!) asked a question. He made the mistake of confusing Barack Obama with Bill Clinton (i know easily made... :-S ) and should probably have practised his inquiry. Check out Huillary's response and the way she shuffles in her seat, "That's what i'm saying' biach, umm, umm, aw huh" *shakes finger* Get ready for handbags at 50 paces..It's Clit....sorry Clint Power:



And finally after Bantry man Ray Payne became the only Karate Champion in Ireland and in Europe methinks to reach 7th Dan, an incredible achievement. Well Done Ray and to celebrate let's return to 'Toilet Seat Man.'

Ray you might be 7th Dan but can you do this - TOILET SEAT WORLD RECORD BREAKER

BEST JOB IN THE WORLD??!!

GET PAID TO GO SHOPPING.

CHECK OUT www.retaileyes.ie and apply to be a Mystery Shopper. Don't worry you don't have to wear a cape or a mask. Just be aged 18 to 80.

We all know Calvin Harris is a Jammy bastard:

P.S. If i convert to Buddhism and i am indeed reincarnated *drops to knees* "Please Lord fix it for me to come back as Katy Perry's bra, i would support her through the good times and the bad. Amen"



Here Alan Carr prises open a fruity treat...not the first time i'd say..OOOOOOHHHH EERRRRRRRRRR MISSSSSUUUSSSSSS!!!!! OOOOHHHHHH ok sorry *coughs*

K2NY ASSAULT COURSE CHALLENGE


When they said Flares would be involved i expected 'Disco Stu'!


Pat 'The Machine' Reynolds looks on...in digust!


Ahhh...'LENNY'S LEGENDS' Beautiful Feckers and modern day assault course icons...


...and the other team


Ropey


That Curry and mini kievs was a BAD idea...HOLD ON!

VIDEO EVIDENCE...WARNING: MAY CONTAIN CHEESY COMMENTS


PAT'S MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH!



And finally...the star of my team - 'Hairy Molly'

KEY 2 NEW YOU ROOSTER ASSAULT COURSE CRAZY CRITTERS CHOCKABLOCK CHALLENGE IS ON TONIGHT!

All the news on tonight's challenge and some of the willing victims...sorry volunteers will be on the Rooster in the morning. Here is some EXCLUSIVE footage of what we are up against. Are we nuts!!??



Regular readers/legends/beautiful feckers of my Blog will be familiar with "Chicken Boy" from X-Factor auditions of yore and possiblty the worst ever...It is still worth another whirl:



Beat me with a shitty stick and roll me down a hill, i think i have found an even worse one. Here is a freak and possibly an ex-girlfriend of mine (i remember seeing those hips on the dancefloor in Mangans about ten years ago :-S ). Here is an audition from South America's X-Factor...it's the sdame but with a lisp... I THINK THIS IS EVEN WORSE:

WARNING MAY INDUCE VOMITING

LIVERPOOL VS. DUNMANWAY SPECIAL ON THE ROOSTER TOMORROW

WE HAVE A PAIR OF TICKETS TO GIVEAWAY!!!

Is this the greatest Rap video ever made!? If there was a fella messing around with matches on the set the whole team would have gone up...just check out the shellsuits!

TO CELEBRATE THIS BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A BRILLIANT ONE, LET ME TAKE YOU BACK TO THE FUTURE:



Remember this guy from one of the best movie trilogies ever made...



His name was BIff Tanner and he was the arch nemesis of BTTF's eponymous hero Marty McFly. If you were to Google a "Where are they now?" for this guy, you would find out that his real name is Tom Wilson and that he is a very funny man. Here he is performing his "Questions" song all about his time playing the Bell-end Biff in the movies. I love the fact that he is embracing the one role that has defined his life rather than being bitter about being typecast as a tosser! I also sent an email to his agent so fingers crossed we're gonna get him on The Rooster sometime back in the future...which is ahead but we would have to go back if we went forward but...if...anyway, Jesus I always had issues with the plot :-S ENJOY

When The Beatles sang, "baby, you can drive my car" they didn't mean for it to be taken literally:

BTW there is no audio with this clip, the pictures speak for themselves.

Police in Utah were alerted to the incident after reports of a child driving recklessly through a stop sign. He eventually stopped in the driveway of his own home and later explained he had taken his father's car to avoid going to church. All he had to do was say he had the squirts...the Yanks always have to go one better!

JEREMY CLARKSON BEATS A BOX...BUT I COULDN'T SEE HIM BEATING HIS WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG...M.C. 'DAD JEANS' IN DA HOUSE:

U2 360 CROKE PARK

Here's the science bit:

80,000: The number of people in Croke Park on Monday night.
500,000: number of pixels on the expanding video screen
31: stops on the current tour
3: number of steel structures (AKA The Claw) built and used on a rotating basis on tour.
1,344: structural pins used on the screen
164: approximate length, in feet, of the pylon/spire
8: number of hours to set up video screen
6: number of hours to tear it down
60: approximate weight, in tons, of the video screen
360: estimated number of crew members, factoring in drivers and vendors in addition to ground crew.
70 MILLION: Cost to put on the U2 360 Tour

and finally

10: The number of times i had to stop screaming out: "Go on the f*ckin Hedge."

HOLY SHITE!

IS THIS THE WORLD'S GREATEST RECORD?

Most people sit on the bowl...he breaks it :-S

This movie kind of annoyed me recently. Like Roddy Doyle once said that Ullysses could have done with a good Editor, i think the same can be said of this Michael Mann masturbation fest. I am a massive fan of Johnny Depp and eagerly await his role in the upcoming adaptation of HST's Rum Diary but this is just annoying. Mann's deplorable use of Hi-Def in the action sequences lends more to the quality of film seen from the handicam of a drunk Uncle on a Christmas weekend (at one stage i expected to see shaky pictures of Johnny and Christian opening pressies at the foot of a tree with Michael Mann fucking cooeing in the background). Some of the special effects employed lent less to Mann's "realism" and more io the type of low grade documentary re-enactment seen on the Discovery Channel. Mann is a Director of the highest calibre but this was overly long laboured and did not engage.

With a cast as good as this it should have been electric. I must say though the high point for me was Stephen Graham (Snatch, Lock, Stock) playing the Babyface character with the most ridiculous high pitched yonkers accent making him sound like he was auditioning for the new Three Stooges movie. Everytime he was on screen i just awaited a fella with a bowl cut and another with curly hair jumping on his back..."Awwwww whyyyyyy iiiii ooouuuuggghtttaaaa nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

I would have preferred to have given my money to whoever put this together:

ROOSTER EXCLUSIVE!


FATHER TED GOES DOWN!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEANT 'UNDER'

FATHER TED IS OFF TO AUSTRALIA
The hugely popular TEDFEST is going global and will now have another one of it's festivals kicking off in the land of scary reptiles, hairy jumpy animals with huge feet and ill-propotioned tiny hands, and Alf Stewart. The event is being franchised as part of a global development plan, with Australia being the first country to establish an overseas version of the annual celebration of the 1990s television series Father Ted.

Tedfest Oz will take place in the remote bush town of Parkes, NSW over the Easter weekend on 2010. Parkes' last claim to fame was in 1969 when the town's satellite dish broadcast television pictures of the Apollo moon landings. Seems appropriate that 40years after the Moon landing we now have Ted landing!

We had the man who started it all off on the show this morning, Peter Phillips and he is looking forward to eventually bringing Ted all over the world.

For more info go to www.tedfestoz.org

Was in in Dublin for the weekend and decided to watch Downfall on my laptop on the train journey back to the rebel County. I have been meaning to check it out for ages but never bothered, but i'm so glad in did now. The movie surrounds the last days of a certain Adolf Hitler (you know the guy: greasy comb-over, dodgy moustache, small man syndrome, walked like he left his clothes hanger up his arse) and the rest of his Nazi cohorts in his bunker in Berlin at the end of the Second World War. The movie is seriously intense and sweeps you up for over two hours and when i picked up the car at the train station, and drove home i was still thinking about it. So, you can imagine my surprise when i pulled into the petrol station in Blarney and saw this!


...AN SS GERMAN ARMY WWII ARMOURED VEHICLE!


...for a split second i thought the Nazi's had decided to regroup in Cork via Meath...I was going to wave at the fellah driving the pick-up truck but he might have taken my one armed salute the wrong way :-S

If Beckham or Ronaldo did this the papers would be getting a horn. Check out this bicycle kick...Lance Armstrong would be proud!

WACKO JACKO HAIR HORROR!

This would have been HUGE news back in the 80s and ended with Wacko pursuing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Pepsi, obviously not his choice for a new generation...of hairstyles. This is the first time the video of that incident has been released to the public. Jackson was recording a commercial for the drink's giant when the pyrotechnics went off too early... and he had a fair amount of Soul-Glo Hairspray on that head!



Here are a few videos that should put a smile on your face. First up, i don't think i'd be the first person to admire Denise Richard's funbags and now she is sharing them with everyone:

Denise Richards' Funbags from Denise Richards

And Spiderman and Milk actor James Franco reveals all about his profession:

Acting With James Franco Episode 1: "Sense Memory" from James Franco

I'VE SEEN THE FUTURE...

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

ON THE TUBE CALLED YOU

Well, it's only taken me a week (which in Internet terms is about 10 years) but i have managed to work out how to get my Marquee gig on youtube. Ok, i'm lying it wasn't me but my mate Larry *tips hat* so cheers dude. Now, i'm hoping for as many hits as that fat ankled eyebrow woman from Scotland but if i get more than 12 i'll be happy.

So, here we are. Me losing my stand-up virginity caught on tape. Please beware it's quite explicit and contains scenes of mild nudity!!

VASSSUPPPPPPPP!!!!! BRUNO UNMASKED.

Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali-G, aka Borat, aka Bruno talking to David Letterman on his show last night. He describes the part in the Bruno movie where they mananged to interview a genuine terrorist (i just thought you look up T in your local Golden Pages or incorporate Allah into your stand up routine but NO it's much more complicated than that). He sounds very posh..he went to Cambridge don't you know... Oohhh vely nice.


WORLD'S SCARIEST NUMBER PLATE. WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T HONK YOUR HORN!

STANDING ROOM ONLY. CHECK THIS OUT:

RYANAIR has approached plane maker Boeing about the possibility of providing standing room or stools in place of traditional seats on board its aircraft.

The airline, which is hoping to squeeze more passengers on board, said those standing or using the stools could fly for free.

It said if Boeing comes back and says it is possible to replace four rows of seats with stools or standing space it will prepare a proposal for the Irish Aviation Authority (IAA) seeking approval.

Continue reading story HERE



Still trying to upload my Marquee bit on youtube. Issues with converting and all that shite. If i don't get it up by Friday it'll be ancient news...ahh the wonderful world of the web. In the meantime laugh and be merry with this brilliant parody of 'Yellow' by top U2 tribute act Coldplay. It's from a guy called Jon Lajoie and it's hilarious and a little naughty *giggles*. A subject that is close to all our hands:

TOILET HUMOUR!!

FIRST OFF THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED. LEGENDS.

SOME PICS FROM BACKSTAGE FRIDAY NIGHT:

'Frank' (Brian Cody) who had to rip the toilet up with me on it as i was called to the stage looks on as i try not too emabarrass myself ;-)


Okay, time to get respectable. Nice mic placement.


And into the main meal. Although it was 5 mins it felt like 30 secs. The stage was huge but i am proud of the fact that i am the first performer to execute a 'roly-poly' at The Marquee :-)

MORE PICS AND VIDEO TO FOLLOW.

There is also a piece i wrote in the Evening Echo tonight so check it out!!

X MARKS THE SPOT!


"Jesus, whatever you do don't look down"


It was getting quite hot in there at this stage. I felt a tad overdressed ;-)

UPDATE ON MY CHALLENGE:

IF YOU CAN SACRIFICE A FEW QUID PLEASE HELP ME HIT THIS €5,000 TARGET.

I have set up a charity web page that makes it really easy to donate.

Anything at all would be great.

Thank You.

Just click here: LENNY'S CHARITY PAGE