PAT KENNY TEAK TUMBLEWEED TRIBUTE

The longest running chat show in the world goes through another menopausal change tonight as Pat "The Plank" Kenny has his final coat of varnish applied tonight. He will not feature tonight (i was hoping for some caged ultimate fighting) but Tubridy is to take over the helm..we seem to be going from a plank to a broom but he is sharp so i think he will make a good sub. Gabriel Byrne and Louis Walsh and various others will help him to apply the Cuprinol. It's been 10 years and in that period of time we have seen Pat manage to stuff his size eleven feet firmly between his chops and induce the viewer (well at least those that still have their cataracts intact) to dive behind their sofas in shame. Get ready for the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up and your eyes to fold in cringe as i present the finest moments of the man who made Pinocchio look wooden...(oh shit hold on he was made of)...anyway. Let's lift our 2 by 4's and salute The Kenny

BEHOLD HIS FINEST MOMENTS:


First up the Toy Show debacle when he tore the tickets up live on tv:


Jimmy Carr displays his razor tongue as Pat cowers:


Pat proves he believes The Minstrels are still touring:


This guy was on the show this morning. Pat's veneer almost cracked here. Almost as cracked as the guy jumping up on the stage:


And finally, my finest Pat moment ever...Poor Pat he's very innocent ;-)

Well there's a certain game on tely tonight called the Champions League Final and i will be rooting for the Red Devils *ducks* Okay...jaysus i know there's a lot of Liverpool fans listening to the show and a few Barca flag wavers will crawl out of the woodwork for the evening but i got my first United jersey when i was 11 and i had to work 12 hour shifts 7 days a week in the local mine to pay for it...times were tough in the eighties...so i think i have paid my United dues. I am hoping for a goal fest but the first ten minutes will be CRUCIAL so this is why i think we need Carlos Tevez the little Argentinian Tasmanian Devil to provide the pre-match entertainment with his band - Piola Vago...if anything it will scare the shit out of the Barca fans and hopefully send the players into a wild frenzy where they jump on Messi leaving him to flee shredded from the stadium...all i can say is, Carlos, don't give up the day job dude :-S

HEALTH WARNING: MAY INDUCE EAR BLEEDING



There might be 22 players on the pitch but tonight is all about two wizards:

First up is the Greasy Lover Wing Wizard Christiano Ronaldo. I think if he gets anywhere within 35 yards of the box toinght in a deadball situation it's back of the net time:

P.S. I'm seriously digging the soundtrack on this vid!!



And this little genius. He is still only 21 years old and even Maradonna desrcibed him as "my only successor". One of the greatest players to pull on a pair of boots. It's Lionel Messi:



PREDICTION: 2 - 2 at full time. After 3 - 2 to United after Extra Time. Tevez to pop up in the box or a header from Vidic. Anywho, it will be a classic!! ENJOY.

THE RED ROOSTER WRESTLER!!!


...clearly he didn't :-S

ON THE SHOW: EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW ;-)

Trudging through the murky bowels of the Interwebnet computar ting i managed to find the original inspiration for the show. The RED ROOSTER was the name of a wrestler from the late eighties who, plucked from under the wing of his Mother's nest and sent to become the cock of the walk in the wrigley world of WWF. However, it was a case of go pluck yourself in this most iconic and famous match in wrestling history... *tumbleweed* Okay, so it wasn't up there with Hulk Hogan vs The Ultimate Warrior but he was a little plucker and gave it his all:

HANDBAGS AT 50 PACES: It's the build up!


THE BIG MATCH:

"Mr Perfect is keeping to wrestling while the Rooster is trying to turn it into a brawl" OOOOhhhh YEEAAAHHH!!!

SUMMER LOVIN'

What a weekend...i actually managed to get a farmer's tan, which is no mean feat considering my fridge sees more light when you open the door that this Country has a year. I just hope that doesn't bode for a sunny week here then depression... *smacks head off desk* SORRY..i know i'm stating the obvious but had to get it off my chest...with a little bit of skin that's peeling...uuggghhh. Anyway just incase you want to experience that Summer Lovin' feeling laid back in your rocking chair with a cold one in your hand and a warm red face then get this:

YOU NEED SOUND

AUTHENTIC CRICKET SOUND - CLICK HERE

THE ULTIMATE GIFT FOR THE WOMAN YOU LOVE...

If you are away regularly or happen to have yourself a job on the oil rigs then fear not for your fine lady. Recreate your "shoulder to lie on" with this latest Partner Pillow:


PILLOW TALK: The only issue would be waking up and forgetting it's a pillow...although if they bring out a female version...*coughs* i think they already have...and they usually involve a footpump :-S

Went to buy a few bits and pieces this weekend at a new little supermartket around the corner but couldn't help feeling that i was being watched...There was something about that place...ummm can't quite put my finger on it:

...Ummm i just don't trust this shop

NICE EARRINGS...

"Here love put the bins out will ye!?"

Nick Hell is his name...Paul Daniels had Debbie McGee, Nick has Bilbo Baggins:

JUMPING JACK!

Here's the latest Corkonian dancing sensation that would put Flatley to shame! Little Lord of the Dancing Baby Jack O Connell struts his stuff:



In Other News:

I think if this fella tried this down Panna he would get dropped:


Scare Prank Shouting Man on the Street - Funny home videos are a click away

Okay, now we have all been caught balancing weights on our bits or attempting to jump on the treadmill while it is at full speed...*tumbleweed*...Erm, okaaaayyyyy so that's just me *coughs* Well, if you do have a tendency to do mad shit with stuff down the gym PLEASE do NOT try this at home or the gym...unless of course you have massive balls. Check this looper out:

LADY GAGA MISTAKEN FOR HOOKER SHOCKER

I know it's hard to swallow and even i was taken aback and nearly choked on my batter burger when i read this:

LADY GAGA was mistaken for a prostitute when she posed for photos in Russia’s Red Square wearing a leather leotard.

The singer asked her driver to stop at the landmark so she could have him take photos of her.

But police arrived and started making hand gestures at her.

She revealed: “I was having a little photo shoot and all of a sudden the police came out of nowhere and clapped their fingers.

“I said, ‘I think it means whore in Russian.’”

Jesus, what is it with these people...first the Cold War and now this. How could you possibly mistake her for a Hooker?


Lady GaGa


Hooker

See, there's no resemblance.

BEST BIRDS ON TV!

Okay that headline is a little bit misleading, but got your attention didn't it...NO?? Jesus, tough crowd. Anywho i'm not talking about Holly Willobaps from the X Factor but these Birds who have come home to roost on BBC4 for a second season. I know it started last week but i don't have a f*cking time machine so this will have to do here...Of course, it's Brett and Jemaine from "New Zealand's fourth most popular folk guitar-based digi-bongo accapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo" It's back on BBC4 tonight at 10.30pm (way past my bedtime i'm afraid and i can't record the bastard on my tv but i'm such a selfless individual i am passing on the knowledge...i know, i know it's okay) So here is a little snip from one of the forthcoming shows Directed by the French genius Michel Gondry. It's about too many Dicks on the dancefloor...check out the disco balls at the end...GENIUS. Enjoy:



And if that's not your bag, check out the Sci-Fi Channel tonight at 8pm for the secong season of the brand new Knight Rider...gotta say i only caught a few of these last year but the car is SICK! Think it's a Mustang and is more like a Transformer...makes the original Hoffmobile look like Del Boy should have been driving it!

THE WORLD'S MOST POINTLESS ESCALATOR

I'm getting one of these in the house... I can see the advert....."Ah man i have to walk to the throne to drop the box!" Cheesy American Voiceover: "Not anymore you lazy b*stard...Get the Lardass 3000 and we guarantee you'll get rickets in your legs from lack of movement"



And just for good measure...Mr. Richard Nose...apparently this guy is very popular with the ladies...It's the Real Cyrano De Bergerac:

EUROJINGLE TINGLE

After the woeful failure of our Irish entry into the Eurovision. Actually here's a big fat middle finger to the Eurovision because i thought that the girls really did their best the other night and deserved to qualify. Ah well, what they should have done is enter the Red Rooster Eurojingle competition and they could have won a €1000 shopping voucher and not a plot in the graveyard of Eurovision pop failures. Well Done to Megan Desmond from Farranree who won our Comp this morning with her rendition of Eminem's "We Made You" for her jingle which will be recorded in our studio and banged out over the airwaves in the coming weeks so keep listening!

Really though we should have taken the horse by the horn *coughs* erm i think that's bull...We should have taken the horse by the MANE *phew* and sent these boys...And if this Parochial Partnership couldn't do it NEVER SEND ANYONE AGAIN!!!!



CLICK HERE FOR THE ORIGINAL MY LOVELY HORSE

P.S. I know Dermot "the legend" Morgan passed away but if they dug him up he'd be better than the rubbish that is on the show every year!

And finally MY VIDEO OF THE WEEK:

Ronaldo begins to question his little striker:

EXCLUSIVE NEWS FLASH

It's not often i bring you any news worthy of a U.N. intervention but today that all stops. This is an incredible and touching story from Mexico of a lady and her breast implants.

CLICK TO ENLARGE (the picture not her breasts...that's the surgeon's job)

And i know you are all buzzing with anticipation at the Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final tomorrow night *coughs* Have you even seen the Irish entry?! She is called Sinead Mulvey and her band is Black Daisy. Gotta say i would rather watch these ladies than a rubber burd in a washing machine although i have to say that Dustin last year must have given Easter Europe war flashbacks to horror and stopped them voting. It was grim. We might have a chance but i doubt it. My money is on Saturn they have a great chance.

Speaking of Eurovision LAST CHANCE to enter our competition to win €1000 Shopping Voucher with Blackpool Shopping Centre. Drop into the centre before close today or CALL 086 8950999 and record your jingle over the phone




VIDEO OF THE DAY:

UP YOURS!!



Finally some honesty from Fianna Fail...BEST ELECTION POSTER EVER!! Had to do a duble take as i drove past this on the road out of Blarney on Saturday. After rubbing my eyes i turned around and parked up to take a pic...it is genuinely one of the funniest things i have ever seen and sums up the way they have been treating the country for the past decade, i think whoever did this should be elected!

GLOBAL WARNING
Coincidentally i got sent this photo this morning of some clouds. I sense a theme:

Mother Nature has clearly had enough.

This is actual footage of me getting out of bed today:

Getting out of my leaba was like being there for my own ceasarian birth but without the mess...if you just imagine my sheets were like an umbilical cord and my bed....well i'll just leave it there! Anywho due to my lack of sleep and recurring hallucinations due to counting only 5 sheep last night (my wooly maths is usually around the ten mark) i am heading home to bed and will retire like Batman to my cave and dive back under my Masters of the Universe duvet. In the meantime enjoy these pictures they will make you laugh. And THANKS A MILLION TO ALL OF YOU FOR READING MY BLOG WE ARE NOW OVER THE 100,000 MARK FOR HITS...HERE'S SOME CAKE


And random pic of the week:

It's a Footato...GENIUS he look vely happy...i wonder if your fries would smell of cheese... :-(

And to celebrate this momentous occasion...let us remind ourselves of the great Mulligan and O' Hare and their tremendous and thought provoking album...Tittybiscuits:

HE'S HOFF HIS HEAD!

After being found nearly hoff dead, it sounds like it might be time for leather clad legend David Hasselhoff to hang up the bottle and get sober. Looking at these videos though you wonder whether he even knew what hemisphere he was in making these:


Jaysus! Hooked on something else i'd say... :-S


I think Pipex reviewed his contract after the infamous Burger video...BELOW


"Hayyyssshhh jussstttttttshhhhhh takkkeeee aaabb iiitteee offvff mmeeeeee burrrrgggeerrsssshh"

LADY GAGA'S LATEST REALITY SHOW - POKER FARCE