Evening, Afternoon, midnight greetings to you whatever time it is currently in your own timezone... I'm not a big fan of clocks even though we are all tied to them like Hamsters on a wheel... Here is where i propose the invention of "Cork Mean Time" its a little like Greenwich Mean Time but because that is an English invention it has to be precise and make some kind of sense and must be followed to the letter.. NO!!! I pronounce "Cork Meantime", forget the pain of being slavishly hypnotised by hands or digits, minutes or hours... The day should be broken up into units, like SLEEP, EAT, DRINK, PLAY units... What happens is you save up your units over a period of time and they can be cashed in whenever you feel like it.. You see the benefits straight away. We need no longer be held liable for any missed work, school etc... because we had saved up enough units to avoid them... Obviously i am still working on the finer details but you get the idea.. CORKTIME should be on its own... We dont have to follow the world on this one... and even though we'd probably end up like a bunch of wasted vagrants... dont tell me their not happy!!!

Anyway sorry about that ... In the words of the great Marty Party.... PEACE OUT

And Be Gorrah and Be Jaysus didn't i just find the most bizarre cartoon depicting us fighting Oirish ever... It's called "Captain Planet saves Belfast" and is such an incredibly realsitic interpretation of life in the Northern Ireland there'e even a feckin Camel in there somehere... or is thta Ian Paisley... Check it Out... MENTAL

Well ye are always wondering what we look like so here is a pic from the archives...

Had these boys on the show today direct from the damp and squalid conditions of Bally dung Manor... We had to keep these two ginger perves on a leash as they could go off at any time!!!

Here's a clip of one of the most bizarre interviews seen on Irish TV... apart from the time Paul Stokes (guy who drove into RTE studio in his Micra!) nearly jumped on Pat Kenny on The Late Late Show in his trademark brown leather jacket!!



And don't forget this Titan of Titillation, The Prophet of Comedy himself... Big Meath head on him... Yes its TT Tommy Tiernan... If you were lucky enough to get a ticket for his shows this weekend at the Comedy Club then fair play and ENJOY..
Here's some classic Tommy... (and if ye heard the interview with Tommy on the Rooster this morning i was prett nervous as he is defo one of my comedy heroes and mad as a dog slidin out a pipe with a bone up his hole)...

HERE'S TOMMY!!!!!!!




see ye monday...

Remember those shoes on Marty McFly in Back to the Future 2... Class yokes and no need for laces...tripping over yourself and bopping the wall and ending up with your head in the cavity. There have been similar attempts previously with the Reebok Pump and Puma Disc... both were fairly shite to be honest and if you didn't have tree trunk legs the PUMPS made you look like a golf club... BUT NOW the campaign to get the MARTY MCFLY Nikes on the shelves has begun. Check out - http://www.mcfly2015.com/ and sign the petition. NO MORE LACES !!!

(yes i know you can get slip ons but jesus wouldn't the Mcfly Nikes be so much more fun!)

Good Luck to the POOL tonight even though i am a United fan i have to admire the fact that the Scousers always seem to give a good game in Europe and goals are guaranteed either scored by them or conceded... They are heading for an unprecedented Sixth European Cup but will do well to keep Kaka and Seedorf quiet...

2 - 1 to Milan. Sorry Pool fans. CALM DOWN !! CALM DOWN!!

Here's some classic Scouser action from Harry Enfield for ye la...



Go Well

Here's the brilliant Enda Kenny 'Pop Idol' sketch...



And not being Politically biased here's Bertie on the BBC show 'Dragon's Den' ...



Some more stuff from today's show ...

Let's sort out our licensing laws now and get the 2am closing time changed its a feckin joke... Thousands of people piling onto the street at the same time off their heads from hitting the Bar like mad yokes for the last ten minutes before closing time... CHANGE THESE OUTDATED LAWS NOW.

If you agree with the above statement please visit - www.giveusthenight.com and sign the petition to get Politicians to WAKE UP!

Also on the show Una Shinners, Producer of new show 'A Class Act'... If you are aged between 13 and 17 and have a talent whatever it is contact -

Closing date is June 8th. For an application form and further details, please log on to http://www.rte.ie/tv/classact or email classact@sideline.ie

Go Well...

Dont miss tomorrow's show we will be having a Champions League Final Special...

Here's a pic of me last week...

Well i was glad to have a few days off last week... kinda had to take them as i was fit for fainting after the end of last Wednesday's show... I came off air and felt really light headed... Jaysus i was a bit worried... turns out i have a viral infection....BOOOOOO and had it all week.. thanksfully i'm over the worst of it...HHHUURRRRAAHHHHH So i am back on in the morning to crucify yopur ears with my funny bits..har har ...uuummmmmmmm Well hope ye had a top weekend and keep listening all week as we have the "World's Biggest Pair of Cheese Shoes" to give away and a large pair of underpants once worn by B.A. Baracus a.k.a. Mr. T from the hit eighties action series A-Team ... so you better pin the ears back and sellotape them to your wireless...

And we are hoping to have Tommy Tiernan on the show later this week...WWWAAAHHHEEEYYYYYYY.... Class

Take it easy and talk to you soon

P.S. Check out this clip i found ripping the piss out of Desperate Housewives... Last in the series is on tomorrow night...

GO WELL

'JESUS WAVES!'

This may be the image you get in your head if you were to think of Christian Surfers... some guy with a beard and sandals catching a tube and probably on a cross!! This morning we had a chap called Steve Boal, Head of Christian Surfers Ireland... Its one of the biggest growing sports in Ireland at the moment and especially in Cork where the waves in the West are talked about around the world... Tried it myself a few times when in OZ but Jesus... and i mean Jesus himself would have trouble keeping me balanced on the board... gotta get back into it... If you want some info on Christian Surfers and what they get up to check out - christiansurfers.co.uk

Also had Traolach O'Murchu from wildfire films looking for people to star in a Documentary about 'Consuming Passions' for RTE. If you share a love for the open road, caravans, camper vans or you know someone who has a horn for their VW Combie then get in contact with him at - info@wildfirefilms.net or give him a call at - 01 6351733.

Until tomorrow cheer yourself up with this classic scene from Comedy Classic 'KINGPIN' -

"Big Earn is finally above the law"

Well ye saw the picture of me at the start of the week but so thought i better throw one in of the two of us on a Friday...

Giving away PINK tickets next week so you better be pinning your lugs to the radio if you are a fan of the kinda sexy/crazy/saucy/tough as breeze blocks/ tatooed lady... Also we have a special feature on Scientology on Monday and loadsa comedy so tune in ye legends.....

also had TOMMY TIERNAN tickets given away to day.... We may have some more to give away so keep listening....

"HERE'S TOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here's a pic of me turning up for work this morning...

Yes its S.T.S. Squeezed Teabag Syndrome all over the city today as we come to terms with the first day back after the bank Holiday Weekend... will we ever learn? No. And f*ck it anyway sur we do enough work and hope your WKD was class and full of cheers and laughter... and love aaaaahhhhh.

Well its a four day week so that is something to smile about... Keep listening all this week if you want to win a top of the range 3G bill phone and a year's free usage

We are lookming for all you Motormouths and Big Mouth Yappers to contact the show and tell us about your bills!!! The biggest and best stories will be put in the draw and we will give it away on Friday... That is of course unless KC nicks it... Those Mayo people still have a peasant mentality ye know but sur I will try to keep him in line.

The Hoff in a more familiar pose riding a couple of Puppies

He's "HOFF HIS HEAD!" I hear you scream

This is the footage we thought we would never see... Its eighties icon and car conversationist, cheesemeister, sometime Lifeguard and stomach holder inner chest puffed out, mulleted superstar David Hasselhoff in an unfamilar scene of drunken stupidity munchin on a Burger from Lennox's and if you look closely he also has a potato pie hidden from his daughter... Well i will be perfectly honest with you and say i've seen people in much worse states that that after booze but he is an alcoholic and fair play to his daughter who warned him she would put the video on the net... It's another slip on the slide of the man who is hands down the most searched for subject on the net... when i say subject i dont include saucy stuff... which coincidentally leads me to one of the reasons why Hasselhoff's ex-wife is divorcing him... apparently he gave her crabs... not the seafood kind.

On that note have a TOP WEEKEND and enjoy the weather.

SALUTE TO THE SUN MA BRETHREN

TOBEY MAGUIRE CLIP (try to ignore annoying advert at start)

Here is the full video of Tobey MaGuire swatting the camera like a fly in his web out of the hands of an oncoming fan at the premiere of Spiderman 3... What they didn't report in The Sun was Maguire apologising to the fan as seen here and then posing and signing autographs for the stunned Parisian that approached him earlier and felt the wrath of the Spiderman... He even offered to sleep with the guys girlfriend and re-carpet his house for free... What a Guy...

Spidey 3 out on Friday cant wait..... Wahey

Genuine Church sign found in Alabama, USA ... I told ye i was telling the truth but as usual the Son of God will end up getting cross... AAAARRRGGHHHH

This is a genuine episode of children's TV classic 'RAINBOW'... The story is that it was made as part of the Production Company's Christmas party but it was eventually leaked and has been broadcast ever since... Although watch any kid's TV shopw and you will see how innuendo laden they are... i think its just bored writers... and you cant blame them jesus there is only so much writing about f*ckin numbers, letters and spludgy, spludgy porridge or shite a human mind can take... Although the people that present them are even more disturbing.. i'm talking Hi-5 and The Wiggles... uuuuuggghhh The Wiggles... frightening grown men making millions and actually dressing like they should be queuing up to sign on some deviance register every week...aaaarrrggghhhh

Anyway tune in all week to win a luxury break in 'CASTLE LESLIE' in Co. Monaghan with Chivers Jam & Preserves... live like Posh & Becks for a wkd of absolute luxury.. All you have to do is tell us a sticky situation that you have been in but managed to wriggle out of ... or not BEST one wins the trip

Just Text in the morning to - 0868273336

Cheers,

Jah Bless Ma Brethren