K2NY ASSAULT COURSE CHALLENGE


When they said Flares would be involved i expected 'Disco Stu'!


Pat 'The Machine' Reynolds looks on...in digust!


Ahhh...'LENNY'S LEGENDS' Beautiful Feckers and modern day assault course icons...


...and the other team


Ropey


That Curry and mini kievs was a BAD idea...HOLD ON!

VIDEO EVIDENCE...WARNING: MAY CONTAIN CHEESY COMMENTS


PAT'S MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH!



And finally...the star of my team - 'Hairy Molly'

KEY 2 NEW YOU ROOSTER ASSAULT COURSE CRAZY CRITTERS CHOCKABLOCK CHALLENGE IS ON TONIGHT!

All the news on tonight's challenge and some of the willing victims...sorry volunteers will be on the Rooster in the morning. Here is some EXCLUSIVE footage of what we are up against. Are we nuts!!??



Regular readers/legends/beautiful feckers of my Blog will be familiar with "Chicken Boy" from X-Factor auditions of yore and possiblty the worst ever...It is still worth another whirl:



Beat me with a shitty stick and roll me down a hill, i think i have found an even worse one. Here is a freak and possibly an ex-girlfriend of mine (i remember seeing those hips on the dancefloor in Mangans about ten years ago :-S ). Here is an audition from South America's X-Factor...it's the sdame but with a lisp... I THINK THIS IS EVEN WORSE:

WARNING MAY INDUCE VOMITING

LIVERPOOL VS. DUNMANWAY SPECIAL ON THE ROOSTER TOMORROW

WE HAVE A PAIR OF TICKETS TO GIVEAWAY!!!

Is this the greatest Rap video ever made!? If there was a fella messing around with matches on the set the whole team would have gone up...just check out the shellsuits!

TO CELEBRATE THIS BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A BRILLIANT ONE, LET ME TAKE YOU BACK TO THE FUTURE:



Remember this guy from one of the best movie trilogies ever made...



His name was BIff Tanner and he was the arch nemesis of BTTF's eponymous hero Marty McFly. If you were to Google a "Where are they now?" for this guy, you would find out that his real name is Tom Wilson and that he is a very funny man. Here he is performing his "Questions" song all about his time playing the Bell-end Biff in the movies. I love the fact that he is embracing the one role that has defined his life rather than being bitter about being typecast as a tosser! I also sent an email to his agent so fingers crossed we're gonna get him on The Rooster sometime back in the future...which is ahead but we would have to go back if we went forward but...if...anyway, Jesus I always had issues with the plot :-S ENJOY

When The Beatles sang, "baby, you can drive my car" they didn't mean for it to be taken literally:

BTW there is no audio with this clip, the pictures speak for themselves.

Police in Utah were alerted to the incident after reports of a child driving recklessly through a stop sign. He eventually stopped in the driveway of his own home and later explained he had taken his father's car to avoid going to church. All he had to do was say he had the squirts...the Yanks always have to go one better!

JEREMY CLARKSON BEATS A BOX...BUT I COULDN'T SEE HIM BEATING HIS WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG...M.C. 'DAD JEANS' IN DA HOUSE:

U2 360 CROKE PARK

Here's the science bit:

80,000: The number of people in Croke Park on Monday night.
500,000: number of pixels on the expanding video screen
31: stops on the current tour
3: number of steel structures (AKA The Claw) built and used on a rotating basis on tour.
1,344: structural pins used on the screen
164: approximate length, in feet, of the pylon/spire
8: number of hours to set up video screen
6: number of hours to tear it down
60: approximate weight, in tons, of the video screen
360: estimated number of crew members, factoring in drivers and vendors in addition to ground crew.
70 MILLION: Cost to put on the U2 360 Tour

and finally

10: The number of times i had to stop screaming out: "Go on the f*ckin Hedge."

HOLY SHITE!

IS THIS THE WORLD'S GREATEST RECORD?

Most people sit on the bowl...he breaks it :-S

This movie kind of annoyed me recently. Like Roddy Doyle once said that Ullysses could have done with a good Editor, i think the same can be said of this Michael Mann masturbation fest. I am a massive fan of Johnny Depp and eagerly await his role in the upcoming adaptation of HST's Rum Diary but this is just annoying. Mann's deplorable use of Hi-Def in the action sequences lends more to the quality of film seen from the handicam of a drunk Uncle on a Christmas weekend (at one stage i expected to see shaky pictures of Johnny and Christian opening pressies at the foot of a tree with Michael Mann fucking cooeing in the background). Some of the special effects employed lent less to Mann's "realism" and more io the type of low grade documentary re-enactment seen on the Discovery Channel. Mann is a Director of the highest calibre but this was overly long laboured and did not engage.

With a cast as good as this it should have been electric. I must say though the high point for me was Stephen Graham (Snatch, Lock, Stock) playing the Babyface character with the most ridiculous high pitched yonkers accent making him sound like he was auditioning for the new Three Stooges movie. Everytime he was on screen i just awaited a fella with a bowl cut and another with curly hair jumping on his back..."Awwwww whyyyyyy iiiii ooouuuuggghtttaaaa nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

I would have preferred to have given my money to whoever put this together:

ROOSTER EXCLUSIVE!


FATHER TED GOES DOWN!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEANT 'UNDER'

FATHER TED IS OFF TO AUSTRALIA
The hugely popular TEDFEST is going global and will now have another one of it's festivals kicking off in the land of scary reptiles, hairy jumpy animals with huge feet and ill-propotioned tiny hands, and Alf Stewart. The event is being franchised as part of a global development plan, with Australia being the first country to establish an overseas version of the annual celebration of the 1990s television series Father Ted.

Tedfest Oz will take place in the remote bush town of Parkes, NSW over the Easter weekend on 2010. Parkes' last claim to fame was in 1969 when the town's satellite dish broadcast television pictures of the Apollo moon landings. Seems appropriate that 40years after the Moon landing we now have Ted landing!

We had the man who started it all off on the show this morning, Peter Phillips and he is looking forward to eventually bringing Ted all over the world.

For more info go to www.tedfestoz.org

Was in in Dublin for the weekend and decided to watch Downfall on my laptop on the train journey back to the rebel County. I have been meaning to check it out for ages but never bothered, but i'm so glad in did now. The movie surrounds the last days of a certain Adolf Hitler (you know the guy: greasy comb-over, dodgy moustache, small man syndrome, walked like he left his clothes hanger up his arse) and the rest of his Nazi cohorts in his bunker in Berlin at the end of the Second World War. The movie is seriously intense and sweeps you up for over two hours and when i picked up the car at the train station, and drove home i was still thinking about it. So, you can imagine my surprise when i pulled into the petrol station in Blarney and saw this!


...AN SS GERMAN ARMY WWII ARMOURED VEHICLE!


...for a split second i thought the Nazi's had decided to regroup in Cork via Meath...I was going to wave at the fellah driving the pick-up truck but he might have taken my one armed salute the wrong way :-S

If Beckham or Ronaldo did this the papers would be getting a horn. Check out this bicycle kick...Lance Armstrong would be proud!

WACKO JACKO HAIR HORROR!

This would have been HUGE news back in the 80s and ended with Wacko pursuing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Pepsi, obviously not his choice for a new generation...of hairstyles. This is the first time the video of that incident has been released to the public. Jackson was recording a commercial for the drink's giant when the pyrotechnics went off too early... and he had a fair amount of Soul-Glo Hairspray on that head!



Here are a few videos that should put a smile on your face. First up, i don't think i'd be the first person to admire Denise Richard's funbags and now she is sharing them with everyone:

Denise Richards' Funbags from Denise Richards

And Spiderman and Milk actor James Franco reveals all about his profession:

Acting With James Franco Episode 1: "Sense Memory" from James Franco

I'VE SEEN THE FUTURE...

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

ON THE TUBE CALLED YOU

Well, it's only taken me a week (which in Internet terms is about 10 years) but i have managed to work out how to get my Marquee gig on youtube. Ok, i'm lying it wasn't me but my mate Larry *tips hat* so cheers dude. Now, i'm hoping for as many hits as that fat ankled eyebrow woman from Scotland but if i get more than 12 i'll be happy.

So, here we are. Me losing my stand-up virginity caught on tape. Please beware it's quite explicit and contains scenes of mild nudity!!

VASSSUPPPPPPPP!!!!! BRUNO UNMASKED.

Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali-G, aka Borat, aka Bruno talking to David Letterman on his show last night. He describes the part in the Bruno movie where they mananged to interview a genuine terrorist (i just thought you look up T in your local Golden Pages or incorporate Allah into your stand up routine but NO it's much more complicated than that). He sounds very posh..he went to Cambridge don't you know... Oohhh vely nice.


WORLD'S SCARIEST NUMBER PLATE. WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T HONK YOUR HORN!

STANDING ROOM ONLY. CHECK THIS OUT:

RYANAIR has approached plane maker Boeing about the possibility of providing standing room or stools in place of traditional seats on board its aircraft.

The airline, which is hoping to squeeze more passengers on board, said those standing or using the stools could fly for free.

It said if Boeing comes back and says it is possible to replace four rows of seats with stools or standing space it will prepare a proposal for the Irish Aviation Authority (IAA) seeking approval.

Continue reading story HERE



Still trying to upload my Marquee bit on youtube. Issues with converting and all that shite. If i don't get it up by Friday it'll be ancient news...ahh the wonderful world of the web. In the meantime laugh and be merry with this brilliant parody of 'Yellow' by top U2 tribute act Coldplay. It's from a guy called Jon Lajoie and it's hilarious and a little naughty *giggles*. A subject that is close to all our hands:

TOILET HUMOUR!!

FIRST OFF THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED. LEGENDS.

SOME PICS FROM BACKSTAGE FRIDAY NIGHT:

'Frank' (Brian Cody) who had to rip the toilet up with me on it as i was called to the stage looks on as i try not too emabarrass myself ;-)


Okay, time to get respectable. Nice mic placement.


And into the main meal. Although it was 5 mins it felt like 30 secs. The stage was huge but i am proud of the fact that i am the first performer to execute a 'roly-poly' at The Marquee :-)

MORE PICS AND VIDEO TO FOLLOW.

There is also a piece i wrote in the Evening Echo tonight so check it out!!

X MARKS THE SPOT!


"Jesus, whatever you do don't look down"


It was getting quite hot in there at this stage. I felt a tad overdressed ;-)

UPDATE ON MY CHALLENGE:

IF YOU CAN SACRIFICE A FEW QUID PLEASE HELP ME HIT THIS €5,000 TARGET.

I have set up a charity web page that makes it really easy to donate.

Anything at all would be great.

Thank You.

Just click here: LENNY'S CHARITY PAGE

WHAT A LEGEND!

Rooster listener Gavin with his visor


I got to get one of these for me Micra!!

We have to raise €5,000 before Friday for Barnardo's Children's Charity in Cork. I think we can really do this. Rooster heads have proven in the past how fantastic ye are and at least my irregular bowel movements over the coming days will not have been in vain.

We have set-up an account at A.I.B. on Patrick Street and if you can throw in a couple of Euro on your lunch break or whenever it would be incredible.

Account number: 36706396 Sort Code: 93-42-83

And thanks a million

Today we also had Graffitti Artist Finbarr A.K.A. DAC and his spray partner in crime FARK FK. To see some of their incredible work check out their website


Finbarr deep into the creative process. He had less than an hour to create a spray paint portrait that was unique to the city of Cork. We asked listeners to text in all things Cork, from potato pies, to Sean Og, through to pints of Murphy's and the Shandon Bells.

And the result. *drum roll*


We have the Shandon Bells, Father Mathew, Blarney Castle (i may have nudged him on that one ;-) and finally a pint of Murphy's. I think it's absolutely feckin brilliant. Well done to Damien Leary from Douglas who gets to take home this unique piece of original art.

And here's a piece i got myself! It's a brand new character by FARK. SWEET.



Me (looking somewhat like a disgruntled Mexican Simon Cowell :-/ ) FARK FK, Rachel from Fat Face and finally Finbarr (DAC) with his masterpiece.

"Whatya mean the f*ckin immersion is on!"


Des politely requests that i do the warm up

My first day back after a few days off and already i am shoulder deep in it!! I was already distraught in the knowledge that me being off the show last week may have inadvertently led to the premature demise of The King of Pop. I came to this conclusion because a previous break cost Joe Dolan his life although that was over Xmas so i can be forgiven. If you were listening to the show this morning you would have heard me accept a challenge...The challenge is to warm-up for Des Bishop at Live at The Marquee on Friday night...Now, i remember waking up in a wheelie-bin once with a leaf of lettuce as a toupe, and people pointed and laughed, but this is different i have to make them laugh WITH me not AT me, although a healthy dose of both may just get me through, and if that fails surely some inventive horse-themed shadow puppetry will go down a treat. The goal is to raise over €5,000 for a local charity between now and Friday. We will have more details for you tomorrow but if me making a ghowl out of myself can raise some cash for a brilliant cause i'm well up for it :-)

Now, time for Yoga breathing exercises ......*clench* *release* *clench* annnndddd relax *parp* whoooooopps :-S

I might be warming up for Des Bishop but i think it's Beth Ditto that needs the support...

The was a story in the papers recently about a divebombing Blackbird that has been attacking passersby in San Francisco. Apparently, she is protecting her nest, situated on top of the building canopy. I heard that she is being pursued by Hollywood Celebs to keep the Paps away:



That then reminded me of the GREATEST bird story i have ever witnessed. Sam the seagull was a little Scottish feathered tea-leaf who spent every morning strollinginto his local newsagents and pinching a packet of Tangy Cheese Doritos...GENIUS:



HOLY CRAP THE STIG IS REVEALED:


...to be honest i was more shocked at Jeremy Clarkson's illuminous orage shirt...he looks like a f*cking traffic light!

OBAMA MIYAGI
There really is no flies on this President:


Which reminded me of:



Also on the show today. Ever lost your luggage? I have and it is a ballbag bollox situation of Beth Ditto proportions. There is a lady who felt so sorry for victims of bag loss that she setup a website to help. She is the "Suitcase Saviour":

www.isthisyourluggage.com

MUST WATCH TV TONIGHT
BRITAIN'S YOUNGEST BRIDES 8pm TONIGHT ON TV3

It features a travelling family from Ireland living in the UK and are determined to make Catrina the Bride stand out on her big day. I think they acheived that by making the dress weigh 20 stone and the circumference of ring of Saturn. She can't even get INTO the limo :-S

CLICK HERE FOR A PREVIEW

D'OH!

NOw we spoke about this plank yesterday but i never saw the dude who did the tattoo. Watch this and ask yourself...how did he NOT tattoo her whole feckin head!?

CLUE FOR THE WORD...


Geddit???? ;-) If you do it will win you over €1,000 EVERYDAY 7.05am and 8.05am just dial 1890 773336 when you hear the cue to call...GOOD LUCK!

In other news...i know he has been playing the same character for the past ten years, i think they call it O.W.S. (Owen Wilson Syndrome...can be crippling but won't affect your bank account) but i still find Blackie quite entertaining. This is him on Letterman last night...what i love about this clip is how the band just lead it smoooove....RAWK!!



Did you know that JB made his debut in an ATARI ADVERT...when he was 13!! Check it out:

..If you thought Harvey Norman was as mad as a barrell of fidgety arse beetles, then check out Crazy Gideon. He once bought an album by Scouting for Girls...he must be f*cking insane!

UP DA REBELS!

Well done to Cork Footballers for getting to the Munster Final. Beating the auld enemy is always good and i bet there was much Goochy handbags swinging at the end by the Kerry boys...

Apart from the TV3 commentary team looking like they were extras from Airwolf with the helicopter headpieces, one thing that caught my eye was Darragh O Se...Is it me or is he the bulb off Mad Tom from Father Ted???!!!


Mad Tom from Father Ted..."Me dog bit me fadder, dusint it look like a face?"

Darragh O Se

Tomorrow we have the founder of the Cloud Appreciation Society and we are talking about Female Bodybuilding...or Brickshithouse Birds as they techinically refer to it


A Dancing cloud..."Night Fever, night fevveeeerrrrrrrrr"

Wossy gets more than he candle handle..."It feels loike a bag of wocks"

So, i had a few days off and am now back in the saddle. Gotta say that Bed is so underrated and oooh i had a lie-in on Wednesday until ...hold on....nearly HALF NINE!! I know i'm a crazy Mofo but i like living dangerously...last week i abseiled down the skirting board...and the skiing in the kitchen...MAD. The big news of course has been about a particularly greasy individual who has become the most expensive footballer in the world with a deal worth nearly €100m. As far as i'm concerned that's f*cking sick money no-one is worth that but obviously Alex Ferguson is not going to say NO. Apparently, Ronaldo celebrated this cash windfall with a night in Paris Hilton. I think a date at the Clinic has been confirmed for Christiano, although i'd say he has engaged in some horizontal jogging with some ropey ladies. I say this because i remember reading a piece in the News of the World once and the hooker that said she slept with him looked like Gerry Ryan...GRIM :-(



Now, Paris Hilton can probably suck a golf ball through a silly straw but i don't see the attraction. Braindead, and over exposed i can't help thinking that she is the bulb off Rodney from Only Fools & Horses..."Oi, Ronaldo you PLONNNKKKKKEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!"



She's obviously taking eating tips from him aswell...

HAPPY MONDAYS

Great band ... Shit day

That could all change once you've watched these videos, i hope they will put a :-) on your face!

From the man who brought you The Apprentice mash-up. Here is a reminder if you missed it:



First time i heard that i nearly collapsed...although thta was probably the Lamb Biryani i reheated in the microwave, but let's face it - if a funny clip fills your pants you are onto a winner. So, here is the genius who made The Apprentice mash up at it again with some other famous peeps. This must have taken years off his life. We salute you cassette boy. GENIUS:

First up Jeremy Clarkson, the chino wearing slack jawed loudmouth from Top Gear:



The Streets (memba him...yeah, he is kinda shit now) is his own biggest critic:



And finally. This one comes with a WARNING. "X-Rated Harry Potter re-edit. Not safe for work, children or people who believe in wizards." SO THERE YOU GO. But, it's very funny:

POLE DANCING

Well it's that time of the year when we will all (well those of us old enough to skulk pints legally...no, gatting in a ditch at 14 doesn't count...i mean the manchild ripe old age of 18) be heading to the Poles with our erect....sorry *coughs* election ballots and casting our democratic right to vote. So, to celebrate the eventual pulling down of the posters that have blighted our landscape for the past few weeks. Jesus, i feel like a guest in a dodgy stately home or castle staying in a room with a ropey portrait with moving eyes watching my every writhing naked carefree ...(whoa, sorry about that) move... Anywho, if anything i'll be glad to see the back of their fat heads staring at me every shagging day!!! (and relax....penguins in dungarees) ...aaaahhhhh that's better. So, here is my rundown of some of the best posters about:


Obviously one of my faves, and spotted in my own backyard of Blarney. It's FF with EffOff and their one finger salute, which is the first honest thing they have done in the last decade.


FG get the star treatment. Looking more like the Sergeant Pepper's album cover, Mr. McAdams does possess some rather fetching eyebrows.


A tad ironic!


Bert becames the first politician to openly admit to having a fist up his behind.


Hold on is that Kian from Westlife??!! *rubs eyes* "We need change now" yeah you do, it looks like he is trying to escape from the poster.


Rolling up on the campaign trail.

And my own personal choice...

No caption required.


And, if you do meet this man today he is not part of any legally elected party so just beware. Or just vote for him ye might as well, there's fuck all else to choose from.

And finally...

WHOOPS!!

I put in the wrong video yesterday *beats back with knotty stick* Here is the "Human Slinky" on stage for Aussies Got Talent Too Ye Flamin' Gallah and the live birth!

CHEESUS CHRIST LOOK AT THIS!

It seems that even the credit crunch has hit heaven. If you didn't hear, the "Second Coming" took place recently when the Son of God appeared in a packet of Cheeto snacks in the US:



I know Neighbours is shite and Home and Away is a bit dodge, but Australia really does have talent...The Doctor is always telling m,e to check down under, so i did, and i found this...It's a human slinky...and a live birth..GENIUS:

P.S. I bet he gets down the stairs quick


And finally, something cute. Yeah, i know you all think i have a black heart but i don't...Darth Vader is a second cousin, it's these tight jeans, i mean genes are to blame. This is a little baby Anteater. He looks like he is wearing a spandex onesy or a pair of Dungarees! Smile ye heartless b*stards!

RED GOT CHILLED OUT FECKER!

The Red Rooster had the pleasure of having this man on the show this morning. He didn't have a cigarette poking out of his nostril (although we never asked...hmm) It is the legend that is Chad Smith, skin man with the Red Hot Chili Peppers and a sticks supremo. After the disastrous interview a couple of weeks ago with Jimmy "Fucknut" Flo-Rida, who couldn't even muster up a full sentence this was an absolute pleasure. It was actually difficult to get a word in! This guy has every right to be a prick. 20 years at the top in one of the biggest bands in the world and with enough cash to fill a mattress factory but i suppose if you're cool...you're cool, money and fame don't change that...but if you're a dick it enhances it. So, what i'm saying is Chad Smith is what they call "pure daycent biy" around these parts. If you missed this mornings special then don't miss the FULL UNEDITED and EXPLICIT interview on Transmission from 7pm Friday night.
And the edited version will be on-air again in the Best Of... show on saturday morning between 10am and 12pm.

And if you can't catch either of them check out this fantastic interview with a slightly frazzled Chad talking about his "shaved potatoes" ENJOY:



And the Chillis favourite gig?? Where else but Slane 2003:



Don't miss Chad and his new incarnation as Drummer with supergroup Chickenfoot playing at the Marquee on June 23rd. Keep listening as we will be giving more tickets away on the show. Either way, don your denim and get those air guitars out cos it will be flammable! *RAWK* :-P

BRUNO TEABAGS EMINEM -
IT'S THE REAR SLIM SHADY!




And if that wasn't weird enough for you, check this out. It's called MY MONKEY BABY and is on Channel 4 tonight at 10pm. It's about people who substitute monkeys for children. My Monkey Baby looks at couples who raise monkeys, who are spoilt rotten: they have their own bedrooms; the latest toys and games; a seat at the dinner table and in the car; wardrobes full of designer clothes; and even make-up. And in the park their "primate parents" push their monkeys in prams to play on the swings and slides. To Lori and Jim Johnson, Jessica Marie is far more than a Capuchin monkey. "If I hear anyone call her a monkey I throw a fit," says dad Jim, "She's my daughter, 100 per cent". For Lori, having a "monkid" seemed the perfect answer to her needs: "I knew exactly what I was going to do, she was going to be a baby I was going to have forever." JESUS LORD.

Here is a clip from tonight's show.

WARNING: Contains disturbing rednecks.


MONKEY BABY CLIP