My Pics of the day...


"Yah Taypot get outa that"


Wow cucumbers at my local Supermarket are reduced to €79!! F*ckin bargain!!!


The REAL Britney....All those pics ye see in the mags are lies...Looks like she could literally Break the Ice...Polar bears are shitting themselves


Tom at a recent Scientology get together...Apparently L.Ron Hubbard encouraged members to teach their arse how to eat fabric...especially denim...ooooh painful

Imagine trying this on a Monday morning...three words - head, floor, regret.


And R.I.P. Tommy Burns - A true Celtic legend and described as a gentleman by all who knew him. Scott McDonald the Celtic Striker who helped them clinch their historic third SPL in a row summed it up..."We loved him. He was just a gentleman at heart. God rest his soul. We did this for you Tommy - God bless."



CAN HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF???


TOO F*CKIN RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

COME ON MUNSTER!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK TO THE LADS THIS WEEKEND!!!!

What a game!!! United pull away champions from a mad night that would not have looked out of place in a Hollywood script. Infact if a screenwriter pitched that idea with all the twists and turns and alternate endings they'd probably get laughed at...either that or they'd get Dolph Lungren to play the lead and send it straight to the bargain basket!!


BEWARE...CAUTION ... THERE'S A JOHN TERRY IN THE HALL

I WAS WATCHING LAST NIGHT AND TRYING TO THINK OF WHO AVRAM GRANT REMINDED ME OFF...*STROKES CHIN*

Sticking with a Simpson's theme from yesterday...this is probably one of the most disturbing things i have ever seen :-S.....D'OH!!!!!!!!!!



Imagine this down the Cross at half-time...

This is genius especially if you're a Simpson's fan -

EVERY COUCH GAG IN JUST OVER FOUR MINUTES:

http://tapespace.com/view/Every_Simpsons_Couch_Gag

What did you want to be when you were growing up?? I know it sounds like a cliche but i genuinely wanted to play for Manchester United, i lived and breathed United from about 5 and wore out my first kit from wearing it 24/7...My Mum had to hide it in the end...i even wrote to Jimmy Saville and asked him to fix it for me to train and play with the team, i'm still waiting with wide-eyes at the letter box each day for a reply *sighs*...These are some of the best from Rooster listeners this morning...Yer a strange bunch...and i love it!!!!

I wanted to be a boxer and a dentist so i could fix my own teeth! I m now a sales assistant and headin back to college in september, Eoin

I wanted to be the street payment artist outside Cashes, im looking for a job now as a renewable energy engineer

Wen i was 6 i thought the idea of doing dead peoples make up was the best thing ever..!tami

My brother wanted to be a Penguin! hes now an actor- something tells me no amount of good acting is gonna persuade someone hes a Penguin! Sharon

When i was younger i always dreamt of being a cow. But its not to be. I m still im school

My aunt wanted to be a tractor and trailer when she grew up!

When i was young i wanted to b an air hostess now i make tic tacs for a living,never would i ever imagined doing that for a living

No bull now lads,i wanted 2 b a bulldozer.coz they r so big nd yellow...i feel ashamed

I wanted to be mary poppins ... Think of it free travel as could fly any where with the umbrella and one small bag tat could fit every thing .... Michelle in Nadd....

AND A COUPLE OF TEXTS FROM 2 VERY SPECIAL LISTENERS:

When i was young i wanted to be a football manager when i grew up. I wanted to manage a world class football team who could win lots of trophies and do very well in europe but instead i got the rangers job. Ah well. Yours sincerly, walter smith. Ha ha ha ha

When i was young i want to be a tree, i ve nearly acheived my dream, i work as a plank. From pat kenny



Check out these loopers -

Pupils sent home after turf prank

Clearing up the turf could cost hundreds of pounds

The entire sixth year of a school was sent home on their last day after pupils turfed over the floor of their common room.

Teachers at Banchory Academy in Scotland took the step after it was discovered some pupils had been drinking.

Aberdeenshire Council said it was decided to send all 100 pupils home.

A spokesman said there were concerns about disruption to exams taking place in the school. One 17-year-old pupil was charged with breach of the peace.

'Particularly disappointing'

An Aberdeenshire Council spokesman said: "Banchory Academy is extremely disappointed that the disruptive actions of a number of sixth year pupils has spoiled what was due to be an enjoyable day of activities to mark their last day of term.

"There was evidence that some pupils had been drinking and given the size of the year group the head teacher has had no choice but to send all of them home, both for their own safety and to avoid any disruption to standard grade exams under way today.

"This will be particularly disappointing for those sixth years who were genuinely looking forward to their last day of term."

The spokesman added: "A day of activities had been planned to but due to the actions of a minority of pupils this has had to be cancelled.

"This is a very poor way for pupils to end their school career and we hope those who disrupted the day understand the upset their actions have caused."

The cost of clearing up the turf has been estimated at hundreds of pounds.

THERE'S ONLY ONE IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO COME FROM ALL THIS:

KEEP OFF THE GRASS LADS

READ THIS WHILE YOUR WATCHING ABOVE VIDEO

Cider company Bulmers has confirmed that it has fired eight workers over a YouTube video.
The workers at its plant in in Clonmel in Co Tipperary were fired for what it described as serious health and safety breaches that were filmed on a mobile phone.

The men were seen jumping into a moving forklift, turning on vehicles and allowing them to move on the warehouse floor without drivers, spraying fire extinguishers and somersaulting from stacks of crates onto cardboard boxes. (I remember working in a Marzipan factory while at College and we used to used the back of the open delivery doors as goalposts for a bit of night shift 5 a side...difference is these muppets POSTED THE FECKIN VIDEO!!)

Those involved are all experienced, full-time workers.

The video was called 'Working Hard for Bulmers' and was set to the tune of the mobile phone ringtone 'banana phone'.

A spokeswoman said the company had almost 500 staff and jeopardising the safety of its employees would not be tolerated.
SIPTU, which represents the staff, said it would not be appealing the decision unless asked to do so by individual employees.

Maybe Bulmers should think about sending these lads to their own Comedy Festival -

If you have wild white hair and like to sleep in a Lab coat or you just have an interest in Science listen up!!! The Irish Science Teachers Association are holding a science quiz for Junior Certificate science students in Cork. The final of the quiz is taking place this Wednesday the 14th of May at Boole 4 in UCC at 7pm.

Myself (Lenny) and KC will be putting you through your paces as quizmasters on the night.

Eli Lilly are sponsoring all the prizes with a perpetual trophy and crystal vase for the winning school and book tokens of varying values for other winning teams.

So try and get along if you can. Listen to the show tomorrow cos we will be giving away some brilliant Eli Lilly 1GB Memory Stick Pens!!!!

Hope ye had a class weekend. Myself and KC spent Friday getting acquainted with a couple of canine superheroes down at the Irish Guide Dogs for the Blind open day. I got an email from Niamh, one of the many members of staff doing a brilliant job asking if we would like to meet our canine equivalents down at the centre...Understandably we were very nervous about meeting Casey & Lenny but it all went really well and i have taken Lenny the Labrador's advice and i'm only going to be wearing a neck-scarf and a pair of shades from now on...well that's if the weather holds up or i grow a healthy covering of hair!!!

Here are some pics to check out:


LENNY THE LAB... All he's missing is a leather jacket...and maybe Olivia Newton John!!


Although we were both nervous the early tensions faded away and we were formally introduced...I felt like i was meeting the Pope...yes i am genuflecting


Casey & Lenny....I knew the lads reminded me of something...


Doggy Treadmill...genius


Blindfolded and ready for my practice walk...


I think Alf the Lab just spotted a cat...luckily he got me to the end of the course...mission accomplished!

MEET OUR NEW WORK EXPERIENCE PLACEMENT. TOMMY TIERNAN WAS LET LOOSE ON THE ROOSTER THIS MORNING!!!

Tommy T and Myself

Tommy was in to tell us about another date being added to his Live at the Mqarquee gigs this summer. He has now added the 5th to the 2nd and 4th of July. Tickets went on sale today at 9pm...get em quick cos there selling out fast!!! If you missed Tommy co-presenting with me today then check out Saturdays Best of The Rooster...he's comedy gold and REALLY let loose...as far as you can on Breakfast show...he was a fuckin pleasure and i gotta say it was at once the strangest and best interviews i've ever conducted!

Here's what you can expect -
On The Late Show with David Letterman


Tommy on his 'Loose' Tour and a subject close to his heart - Mass!!


And check this out from years ago...This is one of Tommy's first stand-up appearances on TV...He looks about 17!!!

This morning we were talking about Reporter's Bloopers...Here are some absolute gems...

How is this Sky News Anchor gonna MAKE-UP for this...You'll need more than concealer to cover this one up:



BBC Presenter breaks a cardinal rule..."Say my name biach!!!!!"



"I knew i shouldn't have had that breakfast roll washed down with a can of Dutch Gold"



And finally if you want to see what Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz will look like in 30 years check out this grumpy twat:



HAVE A BRILLIANT WEEKEND SEE YOU NEXT WEEK

*SLAP* Right wake up...ok ok i'm awake...nearly dozed off on my keyboard there...better head off for a siesta...before i go check out the new Nike advert...The story is it's Directed by Guy Richie...he might be boning an aul one but he comes up with the goods...he's grand when he keeps it under two minutes...just ask Madge.

But maybe not as clever as this Viral Advert...This is either unbridled genius or total f*ckin boredom...

EVER FANCIED DRIVING ONE OF THESE???


OR RIDING IN ONE OF THESE...THE CAR THAT IS!!!?? ALTHOUGH SHE DOES LOOK LIKE SHE SEEMS TO HAVE DROPPED A CONTACT LENSE


Well fear not because an Exclusive Car Club has been started in the UK which gives Members access to a fleet of supercars, from Lamborghinis to Ferraris to Estate Cortinas (ok the last one is a bit specialized but i'm sure you could ask???)

http://www.ecurie25.co.uk/

STAREY EYED SURPRISE
DAVID BLAINE IN DEEP WATER RECORD ATTEMPT

He's been frozen in a block of ice, buried alive for a week, starved in a glass box and has even managed to do up all his school shirt buttons after a session of double P.E. in the middle of winter. Now, after months of training, the Magician with the unnerving stare David Blaine will attempt to break a world record live on the Oprah Winfrey show tonight . He's risking heart failure, brain damage…even death and a certain amount of dignity! He is attempting to break the current world record for the longest time for holding your breath underwater - the current record is held by Tom Sietas and stands at 16minutes and 14 seconds!!! At least we won't have to hear him talk for that length of time.

Here he is talking from his special Oxygen tent...



Check it out...it's on tonight and may be streamed live

http://www.oprah.com/tows/coming/tows_come_main.jhtml

And if you haven't checked it out yet this is one of the best piss-takes of the starey-eyed wonder

If, like me, you've been having restless nights of late wondering what happened to the pipe-cleaner headed rapper and resident of Gansta' Paradise Estate...COOLIO...then toss and turn no more because i have found him...YES he has become the Gordon Ramsay of the rap world and has dropped to new heights by appearing in his own cookery show...It's called, rather imaginatively 'COOKIN' WITH COOLIO'

Rachel Allen eat your heart out...SHAKAZULU MOTHERF*CKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Methinks he spends more time filling his bong than the kitchen cupboards...

New musical instrument for tossers..."My eyes, my eyes...jesus i'm blind...ah but at least i can hear it aahhhhhh"

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today we were talking about weird phobias...KC has serious issues with people licking dry towels, others have issues with crumpled paper, some of ye out there can't stand pigeons, goats, cats, toe-nails, the sound of marker pens on paper!!! Me, on the other hand have no weird afflictions...but if you ever come towards me weilding a roll of sellotape ready to peel *goose pimples* i will either lodge it in an orifice or jump through the nearest exit doesn't matter what floor i'm on...aaaarrghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thankfully we are not alone ...check this weirdo out...

STUDENT Gillian Linkins suffers one of the world’s most bizarre phobias – a fear of BUTTONS.
Gillian, 22, can’t even stand to be in the same room as friends and family who wear them.
She first realised her fear aged seven, when she refused to put on her school blouse.
The sight of buttons sends Gillian into panic attacks and boyfriend Nate Dorrington, 23, can only wear clothes with zips.
She said: “I’ve had the fear as long as I remember. My mum says I freaked out when it was time to get dressed.
“I have always been fearful of buttons, especially when they are grouped together.
“For me touching a button would be like touching a cockroach. It feels dirty, nasty and wrong. When I was younger my brother used to tease me by opening my mum’s button tin. I hid in my bedroom until he put them away.

“My cousin was wearing a button necklace one day and in the end she had to take it off.I could not stand being in the same room as her.”

She added: “Some people don’t believe me and I try to joke about it. I’ve tried things like self-help tapes and hypnotism but nothing has worked.

“Watching the children’s TV show Button Moon is like being made to watch a horror movie. People just think I’m weird.”

But Gillian’s not alone. Her phobia – officially named Koumpounophobia – affects one in 75,000 people. A spokesman for The National Phobics Society said: “The phobia often affects children and the problem can persist into adulthood.

Here are TEN genuine phobias...

ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA - fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

DEXTROPHOBIA - fear of objects at the right side of the body.

HIPPOPOTOMONSTROSESQUIPPEDALIO-PHOBIA - fear of long words.(something tells me this is horseshit...don't know what gave me that idea)

AULOPHOBIA - fear of flutes. (could be the result of watching American Pie)

DOXOPHOBIA - fear of expressing opinions. (any member of Fianna Fail)

CLINOPHOBIA - fear of going to bed. (anyone under the age of 14 has at one point suffere from this .. also known as SCHOOLIPHOBIA)

SOCERAPHOBIA - fear of parents-in-law. (speaks for itself)

SYMMETROPHOBIA - fear of symmetry. (when two women wear same dress on night out...ouch!)

OPTOPHOBIA - fear of opening your eyes. (also known as sleeping)

LITICAPHOBIA - fear of lawsuits. (usually ok around a shirt & tie though)

GOOD NEWS if you have a mortgage....BAD NEWS if you've booked a Winter holiday for 2012 cos that's when the world is going to end...according to this programme anyway...CHECK THIS OUT - well worth a look if you're bored off yer tits today



And PART TWO



After all that apocalyptic angst here's a little something to lighten the mood...It's a classic but is weel worth another look...If only Employment Traning Videos were as funny as this...Oi!!! Look at my face when i'm talking to ye!!!

How to give the perfect man hug...

A firm, hearty handshake is always an appropriate way for men to greet each other. But when men achieve a greater familiarity, a man hug becomes appropriate. Some men fear male on male hugging of any kind. But done in an appropriate way, men can still hug while remaining secure in their manhood. Here’s how:

As a final note, some men, are not quite comfortable with the fully embracing style of hugging even when done correctly. Thankfully there is a bridge between the handshake and the bear hug. With the REAL man hug comes certain protocol and procedure that men haven’t articulated, but nonetheless follow. These unspoken rules allow men to hug each other without feeling like they’re being wussy.

The How of the REAL Man Hug

1. Begin with a traditional firm handshake

2. Keeping your hand clasped with your buddy, wrap the left arm around the shoulder of your friend.

3. Slap your friend’s back two times. The back slap is key just don’t try this directly after lunch this may result in a technicolour t-shirt . However hitting your fellow man makes the hug appear more manly.

4. Release embrace.

When to REAL Man Hug

Man hugging is not appropriate with every man you come in contact with. It carries with it a certain intimacy that should be reserved for close friends and family. If you were to try to man hug a new acquaintance, you would probably be greeted with stiff awkwardness. However, if you’ve developed a bond after your initial introduction, a goodbye hug may be appropriate upon parting.

To find out more manly things like "How to kick a door down" or "How to write a love letter like a soldier" Do a manly cough and shake your fists to -

http://artofmanliness.com/

WHEN LOGOS GO WRONG...


Oh no...


Just plain wrong...


Big cock-up...We specialise in Hard Drives



Lay down there while i give you a filling


How can you administer a suppository with your hands in the air Doctor?

Here's a heads up on tomorrow's show...We're gonna be talking Celebrity Homes...here's a briliant website i found with loads of nosey pics of Hollywood homes!!! Ah go on ye know ye want to peek through the keyhole...

http://hookedonhouses.wordpress.com/category/famous-houses/

Advice for the weekend...never Google Chuck Norris -

http://clients.arranschlosberg.com/chuck/

Have a cracking weekend. I'm gonna be down in Macroom on Saturday night hosting a 'Stars in Their Eyes' style competition in the Leisure Centre, should be a great craic so if you're around pop your head in...then on Sunday it's the Modified Motors Live Show in Millstreet...i won't be presenting but will try to head down to check out the cars...so in the meantime have a go well and talk to ye on Monday

With all the furore about the Olympics and the protests about the treatment of the people in Tibet, China's preparations for it's English speaking visitors continues unabated. Here is a selection of photos demonstarting that sometimes a direct translation isn't always the best policy!!!


Makes more sense than a f*ckin labrador puppy pulling sheets of shitroll...


Careful you don't catch one of these guys burrowing up your jacksee...Moles...great bunch a lads.


Good to know a helping hand is nearby!!


Bring your own rod.


Look i don't normally arrive this early..it's the first time it's happened...honest.


Find yourself in China.


Put your arse on a diet.


The first rule of Female Club is you don't talk about Female Club...second rule is...AAAAAARRGGGHHH GOD ALMIGHTY YOU WEREN'T EVEN LISTENING TO THE FIRST ONE WERE YE???!!!!! *slams door*

And finally Mikey Graham makes his attempt at an acting career in a new show called Hollywood Trials on RTE2 tonight. Regular Logbook Bloggers will be familiar with this clip but if ye haven't seen it yet...sit back relax and bask in the emotive power that is 'Fatal Deviation' Mikey's first foray towards movie stardom...



loads more clips of his heroics on youtube

To learn more about Ireland's only full length Martial arts movie set in Meath!! Go to -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_Deviation

SHOCK SOCCER NEWS - EXCLUSIVE
LAMPARD LEAVES CHELSEA TO PURSUE CAREER AS CHEERLEADER

LENNY'S HOLIDAY PICS!!!!
An album so incredible it would reach the top of the charts. (Ok maybe not... but if it didn't it would be a criminal record)...ok, enough sorry here's the photos -



Amazing beach in Tarifa, Spain ... apparently it's the most southernly point in Europe...a real hotspot for kitesurfers and windsurfers from around the world...they come for the amazing winds...i dont know why they don't just come and see me after a hard night down the 'Raj Palace Indian Restaurant'


Old Marbella in Spain...Old Skool Spanish town, little streets and colourful buildings. By the way, that's a blue pair of jocks drying in the sun - just incase you thought it was something symbolic like I did!


Aerial shot of 'Liondasanda' an incredible huge mountainous region in Spain. It was really windy so the helicopter was pretty scary, thankfully we were able to open the side hatch and I managed to pull this photo off...kinda reminds me of the sands in Star Wars...Okay okay, jaysus there was no helicopter...yeah it was some rocks on the beach...i'm just trying to make it sound exciting...just forget about it.


Bentley Continental Convertible - For the man who has everything...including a wanger the size of an acorn...well i suppose you have to compensate somewhere


Check out the number plate...funniest thing is we saw this get towed!!! Oh the irony!!


"GONE TOSSING" would have prob been more appropriate...This was just one of the ultra wanky overpriced boutique shops with a pair of pink bermuda shorts costing ye about €140...sad.


Woke up on the Wednesday and had this growing out of my ass...went to the doctors...he said i was farting up the wrong tree...


...as if that wasn't bad enough the foot shrunk after wearing me sweaty runners all week


..highlight of the trip - meeting Bertie Ahern relaxing on hol after his shock resignation

Oh Lord help us and just to top off my most amazing Blog entry ever here are some exclusive clips of the movie Mikey Graham (Boyzone) (thats just so you know who he is...lets face it he did fuck all without them) It's called Fatal Deviation and is Ireland's only ever full length Martial Arts movie...filmed in Meath obviously...

Keep watching till about 2 mins into clip and you'll witness Mikey Boyzone in one of his greatest roles ever...think Godfather and Goodfellas...powerful and moving