Evening, Afternoon, midnight greetings to you whatever time it is currently in your own timezone... I'm not a big fan of clocks even though we are all tied to them like Hamsters on a wheel... Here is where i propose the invention of "Cork Mean Time" its a little like Greenwich Mean Time but because that is an English invention it has to be precise and make some kind of sense and must be followed to the letter.. NO!!! I pronounce "Cork Meantime", forget the pain of being slavishly hypnotised by hands or digits, minutes or hours... The day should be broken up into units, like SLEEP, EAT, DRINK, PLAY units... What happens is you save up your units over a period of time and they can be cashed in whenever you feel like it.. You see the benefits straight away. We need no longer be held liable for any missed work, school etc... because we had saved up enough units to avoid them... Obviously i am still working on the finer details but you get the idea.. CORKTIME should be on its own... We dont have to follow the world on this one... and even though we'd probably end up like a bunch of wasted vagrants... dont tell me their not happy!!!

Anyway sorry about that ... In the words of the great Marty Party.... PEACE OUT

And Be Gorrah and Be Jaysus didn't i just find the most bizarre cartoon depicting us fighting Oirish ever... It's called "Captain Planet saves Belfast" and is such an incredibly realsitic interpretation of life in the Northern Ireland there'e even a feckin Camel in there somehere... or is thta Ian Paisley... Check it Out... MENTAL

Well ye are always wondering what we look like so here is a pic from the archives...

Had these boys on the show today direct from the damp and squalid conditions of Bally dung Manor... We had to keep these two ginger perves on a leash as they could go off at any time!!!

Here's a clip of one of the most bizarre interviews seen on Irish TV... apart from the time Paul Stokes (guy who drove into RTE studio in his Micra!) nearly jumped on Pat Kenny on The Late Late Show in his trademark brown leather jacket!!



And don't forget this Titan of Titillation, The Prophet of Comedy himself... Big Meath head on him... Yes its TT Tommy Tiernan... If you were lucky enough to get a ticket for his shows this weekend at the Comedy Club then fair play and ENJOY..
Here's some classic Tommy... (and if ye heard the interview with Tommy on the Rooster this morning i was prett nervous as he is defo one of my comedy heroes and mad as a dog slidin out a pipe with a bone up his hole)...

HERE'S TOMMY!!!!!!!




see ye monday...

Remember those shoes on Marty McFly in Back to the Future 2... Class yokes and no need for laces...tripping over yourself and bopping the wall and ending up with your head in the cavity. There have been similar attempts previously with the Reebok Pump and Puma Disc... both were fairly shite to be honest and if you didn't have tree trunk legs the PUMPS made you look like a golf club... BUT NOW the campaign to get the MARTY MCFLY Nikes on the shelves has begun. Check out - http://www.mcfly2015.com/ and sign the petition. NO MORE LACES !!!

(yes i know you can get slip ons but jesus wouldn't the Mcfly Nikes be so much more fun!)

Good Luck to the POOL tonight even though i am a United fan i have to admire the fact that the Scousers always seem to give a good game in Europe and goals are guaranteed either scored by them or conceded... They are heading for an unprecedented Sixth European Cup but will do well to keep Kaka and Seedorf quiet...

2 - 1 to Milan. Sorry Pool fans. CALM DOWN !! CALM DOWN!!

Here's some classic Scouser action from Harry Enfield for ye la...



Go Well

Here's the brilliant Enda Kenny 'Pop Idol' sketch...



And not being Politically biased here's Bertie on the BBC show 'Dragon's Den' ...



Some more stuff from today's show ...

Let's sort out our licensing laws now and get the 2am closing time changed its a feckin joke... Thousands of people piling onto the street at the same time off their heads from hitting the Bar like mad yokes for the last ten minutes before closing time... CHANGE THESE OUTDATED LAWS NOW.

If you agree with the above statement please visit - www.giveusthenight.com and sign the petition to get Politicians to WAKE UP!

Also on the show Una Shinners, Producer of new show 'A Class Act'... If you are aged between 13 and 17 and have a talent whatever it is contact -

Closing date is June 8th. For an application form and further details, please log on to http://www.rte.ie/tv/classact or email classact@sideline.ie

Go Well...

Dont miss tomorrow's show we will be having a Champions League Final Special...

Here's a pic of me last week...

Well i was glad to have a few days off last week... kinda had to take them as i was fit for fainting after the end of last Wednesday's show... I came off air and felt really light headed... Jaysus i was a bit worried... turns out i have a viral infection....BOOOOOO and had it all week.. thanksfully i'm over the worst of it...HHHUURRRRAAHHHHH So i am back on in the morning to crucify yopur ears with my funny bits..har har ...uuummmmmmmm Well hope ye had a top weekend and keep listening all week as we have the "World's Biggest Pair of Cheese Shoes" to give away and a large pair of underpants once worn by B.A. Baracus a.k.a. Mr. T from the hit eighties action series A-Team ... so you better pin the ears back and sellotape them to your wireless...

And we are hoping to have Tommy Tiernan on the show later this week...WWWAAAHHHEEEYYYYYYY.... Class

Take it easy and talk to you soon

P.S. Check out this clip i found ripping the piss out of Desperate Housewives... Last in the series is on tomorrow night...

GO WELL

'JESUS WAVES!'

This may be the image you get in your head if you were to think of Christian Surfers... some guy with a beard and sandals catching a tube and probably on a cross!! This morning we had a chap called Steve Boal, Head of Christian Surfers Ireland... Its one of the biggest growing sports in Ireland at the moment and especially in Cork where the waves in the West are talked about around the world... Tried it myself a few times when in OZ but Jesus... and i mean Jesus himself would have trouble keeping me balanced on the board... gotta get back into it... If you want some info on Christian Surfers and what they get up to check out - christiansurfers.co.uk

Also had Traolach O'Murchu from wildfire films looking for people to star in a Documentary about 'Consuming Passions' for RTE. If you share a love for the open road, caravans, camper vans or you know someone who has a horn for their VW Combie then get in contact with him at - info@wildfirefilms.net or give him a call at - 01 6351733.

Until tomorrow cheer yourself up with this classic scene from Comedy Classic 'KINGPIN' -

"Big Earn is finally above the law"

Well ye saw the picture of me at the start of the week but so thought i better throw one in of the two of us on a Friday...

Giving away PINK tickets next week so you better be pinning your lugs to the radio if you are a fan of the kinda sexy/crazy/saucy/tough as breeze blocks/ tatooed lady... Also we have a special feature on Scientology on Monday and loadsa comedy so tune in ye legends.....

also had TOMMY TIERNAN tickets given away to day.... We may have some more to give away so keep listening....

"HERE'S TOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here's a pic of me turning up for work this morning...

Yes its S.T.S. Squeezed Teabag Syndrome all over the city today as we come to terms with the first day back after the bank Holiday Weekend... will we ever learn? No. And f*ck it anyway sur we do enough work and hope your WKD was class and full of cheers and laughter... and love aaaaahhhhh.

Well its a four day week so that is something to smile about... Keep listening all this week if you want to win a top of the range 3G bill phone and a year's free usage

We are lookming for all you Motormouths and Big Mouth Yappers to contact the show and tell us about your bills!!! The biggest and best stories will be put in the draw and we will give it away on Friday... That is of course unless KC nicks it... Those Mayo people still have a peasant mentality ye know but sur I will try to keep him in line.

The Hoff in a more familiar pose riding a couple of Puppies

He's "HOFF HIS HEAD!" I hear you scream

This is the footage we thought we would never see... Its eighties icon and car conversationist, cheesemeister, sometime Lifeguard and stomach holder inner chest puffed out, mulleted superstar David Hasselhoff in an unfamilar scene of drunken stupidity munchin on a Burger from Lennox's and if you look closely he also has a potato pie hidden from his daughter... Well i will be perfectly honest with you and say i've seen people in much worse states that that after booze but he is an alcoholic and fair play to his daughter who warned him she would put the video on the net... It's another slip on the slide of the man who is hands down the most searched for subject on the net... when i say subject i dont include saucy stuff... which coincidentally leads me to one of the reasons why Hasselhoff's ex-wife is divorcing him... apparently he gave her crabs... not the seafood kind.

On that note have a TOP WEEKEND and enjoy the weather.

SALUTE TO THE SUN MA BRETHREN

TOBEY MAGUIRE CLIP (try to ignore annoying advert at start)

Here is the full video of Tobey MaGuire swatting the camera like a fly in his web out of the hands of an oncoming fan at the premiere of Spiderman 3... What they didn't report in The Sun was Maguire apologising to the fan as seen here and then posing and signing autographs for the stunned Parisian that approached him earlier and felt the wrath of the Spiderman... He even offered to sleep with the guys girlfriend and re-carpet his house for free... What a Guy...

Spidey 3 out on Friday cant wait..... Wahey

Genuine Church sign found in Alabama, USA ... I told ye i was telling the truth but as usual the Son of God will end up getting cross... AAAARRRGGHHHH

This is a genuine episode of children's TV classic 'RAINBOW'... The story is that it was made as part of the Production Company's Christmas party but it was eventually leaked and has been broadcast ever since... Although watch any kid's TV shopw and you will see how innuendo laden they are... i think its just bored writers... and you cant blame them jesus there is only so much writing about f*ckin numbers, letters and spludgy, spludgy porridge or shite a human mind can take... Although the people that present them are even more disturbing.. i'm talking Hi-5 and The Wiggles... uuuuuggghhh The Wiggles... frightening grown men making millions and actually dressing like they should be queuing up to sign on some deviance register every week...aaaarrrggghhhh

Anyway tune in all week to win a luxury break in 'CASTLE LESLIE' in Co. Monaghan with Chivers Jam & Preserves... live like Posh & Becks for a wkd of absolute luxury.. All you have to do is tell us a sticky situation that you have been in but managed to wriggle out of ... or not BEST one wins the trip

Just Text in the morning to - 0868273336

Cheers,

Jah Bless Ma Brethren

Hope ye have a class weekend. Just to give you a few smiles heading into your weekend check out the video above... it hilarious


And if that wasn't enough to tickle your thighs here's a link to one of the best websites ever!!!!

It has tons of TV Shows, Music Videos, cartoons and Movies to feed your eyes on...


http://www.tv-links.co.uk/

Go Well,

Len

Mary Harney goes on the Campaign Trail

If you haven't seen it yet then please dont drop a log if you see a huge white monstrosity parked up on the bay of Cobh. The 'Navigator of the Seas" is berthed there for a few days so the rich and restless on board can sample the delights of our fine city. It might look like a floating council block tower that wouldn't look out of place on a Ballyfermot estate or on an episode of Only Fools and Horses but it certainly doesn't share the Interior Decorator of Nelson Mandela Towers... Below are a few snaps taken by our resident Receptionist Nuala... i know they look superimposed but are infact real... and a few snaps i took of the interior yesterday when i sneaked into one of the ice sculptures being used for display at the Captain's party last night.. Froze me bollocks off but it was worthit to get ye these pics...

Further info at:

http://www.ship-technology.com/projects/navigator/index.html#navigator5

"Just back her up a bit dere, just make sure the handbrake is on"

"Now where did i park that f*ckin ship?"

The Royal Promenade - looks like a posh shopping centre without kids in hoodies hanging around escalators...

Main Dining Room - "Right i'm sure i saw a Burger King around here somewhere..."

Pool Deck - Have a dip and a Veruca... Wahey...
"Why is the water changing colour near that child?"

KC caught shopping in Mayo...

Funny Video with tennis balls... v.good

PJ and his "Eye of the Penis"interpretation of the Rocky movie theme song "Eye of the Tiger" CLASS



Georgey Porgey on Naked camera


hey peeps hows it hanging...

Well done to all the heads that won tickets to see PJ Gallagher live in City Limits 2nite and Sat nite and those of yez who won Naked camera... If ye didn't win try to get yourself down there this wkd as he is af*ckin gas man... Here's a taster above of the man himself in action...

sorry about the vid below of Will Ferrell and the Little Landlord... Youtube took it off the site cos of Copyright infringement so i have found the original source...Take two minutes from whattever you are doing and check it out its brilliant... "I got my drink on"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out The Landlord at http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925 - it's on http://funnyordie.com

Have a crackin weekend and be safe ... if ye cant be safe thats grand.

WILL FERRELL LANDLORD SKETCH ... CLASS

Well if you've ever had a Landlord call around without notice and you are living in shared accomodation then you know what this guy is going through.. Although they probably were older than a shop refund policy...

"I'M JUST BUZZED"

Final day of our Cork to Corfu giveaway tomorrow... Jaysus Tom from Mayfield looks like he may have stuck it in the back of the net as he sweeped the board clean today with an excellent 10 out of 10 on my General Knowledge quiz.. i thought the Shandon Tower creature (the Golden Salmon) might be a sticker but he flew it.. fair play.
Had Neil Delamere from Just for Laughs and The Panel on this morning.. As usual he is a sound guy and a top class comic which is nice...

Tomorrow is Friday ... WAHEY .. CU Later

"Yo, yo , yo... i love snow ... and maybe someday i will go to the North Pole... on second thoughts i will in me hole..."

Anyway after that freestyle masterclass i have decided to rhyme todays Blog ... only cos its quicker and i need to drop a log .... but if i was a machine then all a yuse would be my cogs... Well enough of that shite i think i will leave freestyle Irish rapping to Spiral from Big Brother...

Here's the link for Britney Spears going off her balls in an interview doin a really random impression... SCARY STUFF from the weird one..

Just copy and paste the link:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2004580002-2007170655,00.html


If you're single and you fancy hooking up with some other like-minded single men and ladies then check then email: info@lovehuntersweekend.com.

Its a weekend organised by Ken O'Day for men and women twenty and upwards who are looking for partner and a good craic so check it out if thats your bag...

That's it from me so go well and get a cream for that...

Well i hope ye had a good weekend ... me on the other hand ... well i don't like to complain but i spent a good part of the weekend hidden inside a cheese decorating the deli counter of a well known upmarket supermarket chain. Apart from that and retrieving a small cat from the chimney of my house on Friday night after she decided on entertaining everyone with her Santa Claus impression I am grand.

Incredible headlines in the papers today about another massacre in the US... When the f*ck are the American govt going to realise the link between selling guns in shops and people being slaughtered at work or school. The only thing you should be worried about in College is where the price of your next pint is coming from, who the f*ck stole your chicken drummers from the freezer and if that girl or boy in the dorm is up for it... not the fact that you may just be coming home in a bodybag... We played a piece of audio today which kind of sums up the extent to which the U.S. has embraced guns as part of their culture... A guy running a Pawn shop in Louisiana noticed a man entering the store with a toddler and was amazed when this guy proceeded to show his child how to hold and fire an AK-47 semi-automatic machine gun... Video link below... Unreal.

Just copy and paste this link to see this unbelievable and terrifying footage:

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/11534890/detail.html

Plus if you want to sign the petition to FREE THE FIFA 2, Colin Healy and Gareth Farrelly please copy and paste this link here:

http://www.gopetition.com/online/11771.html

Gotta go and help some needy donkeys so Go Well and good luck,

Len

The Rock

Glenda Gilson

"Thank f*ck its Friday"

Well we have come to the end of another exciting week and the words above will have been screamed from the top of every bank, shop, pub, street and building where we Corkonians ply our trade... unless of course you are still going to school and it'll be more like "Aw for f*cksake its Friday and the hols are over, where's me f*ckin uniform aaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh"...

Thanks for tuning in today it means alot to myself and the Mayo giant and if i could just reach around (no pun intended) to hug ye all i would... Infact here go on take this open armed gesture and give me a cuddle... there we are a bit of love on a Friday... Ok, Ok some of the lads are finding it difficult to get in touch with yer sensitive side... no worries here look take a firm handshake... there we are now.....huuurrrmmppphhhh ah Rugby isn't it great and tough...

NOW LISTEN UP Open your eyes and ears and please give your support to the Free The Fifa 2 campaign to release the two boys at Cork City F.C. - COLIN HEALY and GARETH FARRELLY - and allow them to be free to express their class talents on the Cork City faithful. Copy and paste the link below and give F.I.F.A. the two fingers they deserve for this sham.

http://www.gopetition.com/online/11771.html

Nearly ready to head but before i jump on my Penny Farthing and go home to my wheelie bin I was secretly surprised at Glenda Gilson. I thought she might be a bit lost up her own arse but infact she was okay considering she was just off her flight from ... like Dublin ... like.. well she didn't really have the D4's about her and had a laugh... The same can't be said for Jarlath.. or Charlotte Regan who came on earlier... His profession is supposedly a "Comedian" yet he was about as funny as a smashed glass in the face. I would just like to apologise to anyone out there listening as he was rubbish and sounded like he was either under his duvet or just slow in the head.

Anyway enough of that, make sure you have a class weekend and Go Well.

Slainte

"All was quiet in the room until John decided to discreetly delve into his little packet of pocket brussell sprouts and blow one out. Fortunately Mary had been stung before and had prepared herself for such an eventuality"

Hi guys and gals,

If ye missed the show today then you're shit. Gimme 50 press up now biach!!!!!

On the other hand you would have been treated to our excellent guest star Lauren O Brien our first "Fan in The Van"... She runs a plumbing supply business while simultaneously keeping the REDFM Bebo Fan page up and running... and she's only twelve!!!! Here's a link to get hooked up - http://www.RedFmFanClub.bebo.com. We really appreciate her hard work and she is from Blarney so God has shined kindly on that girl!!

We also had Niall Cunningham who is climbing Everest for the charity "Fighting Blindness". For further info search for "niallyc" on BEBO or go to www.fightingblindness.com.

Fair play to both of them... Anyways i better head cos my head is about to squeeze itself..

See Ya..


Oh yeah we have Glenda Gilson on the show tomorrow... How random but those eyebrows have taken the country by storm... MMMMMMM QUIZZICAL

Howdy Ma Brethren,

Here's a CAT SCRATCHING... You can't go WRONG...Introducing D.J. Fleabag

Oh yeah we had Brian McFadden on the show today

Jah Bless and look after yourselves

Ashley and Paul from the Franks were on the show this morning so i had to put together a little shrine in the studio recalling their modelling days...Above the lads had an accident with some play glue and managed to attach their hands to their faces ... Ashley gave his inspirational pose to the chiselled features of ex-Bond Timothy Dalton while Paul decided to emulate "The Thinker" by Auguste Rodin... where it 'depicts a man in sober meditation battling with a powerful internal struggle' ... Although he did reveal off air that infact he was having an internal struggle alright... on the bowl.

Check out the video for new single 'Fight' on youtube, it's directed by a fella called Brian McElhaney who is a graduate of the T.I.S.C.H. project at the New York Film School (previous graduates include Martin Scorsese and Todd Philips) beat off other graduates to make the video and it's excellent... He is now set to direct a video for The Strokes as revealed by Paul this morning.

Thanks for all yer texts this morning... Today was 'Accidental Text Day' on the Rooster and hundreds of ye were good enough to send in your stories about your usually late night textual healing to the wrong person. I did the same myself texting the ex it's seems like such a great idea at the time... you think their just gonna drop everything at 3 am and come running..aaaaahhhhh... there should definitely be some kind of blocker or breathalyser tube attached to the phone to ensure the text is not sent...

Hope you had a top weekend and this weather is a signal for the summer...

Salute to the Sun

Have a beltin summer styley weekend wherever you find yourself... in the back, on the beach or in the bar look after yourselves and take it handy...

Thanks for all yer texts this morning for the €500 holiday voucher... Ye were all brilliant to text in and represent yerselves all week... Unfortunately there can be only one winner and the name we pulled out was Maria Mannix working in the CUH canteen... she said she would give the voucher to her parents which is a cool gesture...

If ye are down the beach this weekend or even out the back with the milky thighs on show.. Remember to stick some lotion on or you'll end up like yer man above

If you are a man don't go to the beach alone or you could end up with S.M.S. this is a dreadful affliction that mainly effects those of us with insensitive friends or indeed no girlfriend... "Single Man's Sunburn" is not to be taken lightly and can cause serious redness of the back...

The CAMPAIGN to stop this Phenomenon starts next week on the Rooster...

SO BE CAREFUL

If ye haven't checked out my new myspace please do as i need friends....cos i'm a loser....

http://www.myspace.com/lennyslog

GO WELL YE BEAUTIFUL FECKERS



Here's an alternative EASTER message from the gravelly tongued tonsils of Tom Waits...

"SWEET JESUS..."

"Now then, now then Guys and Galls"

Jingle, jangly Jimmy is back

Yes he is on UKTV 9pm tonight... If you've never seen or heard of the "Silver Fox" who has raised about 40 million quid for charity and has run in about twenty marathons at least... oh yeah and he also invented the two turntable technique now commonplace among contemporary DJs.... then check out the show as they will be reliving some classic old moments and making dreams come true for todays's kiddies!!!

If you have always wanted your own GENUINE 'Jim'll Fix It' medal then check out this class link -

http://www.lawsie.com/jim-fixed-it-for-me-medal/jim-fixed-it-for-me-medal.php

Otherwise have a gander at this link and just put a pretend one together -

www.thomasscott.net/jim/

Had a massive response to the REVERSE MUSIC segment we had on yesterday and today... Honestly it is CLASS and all the songs are genuine... If you have a chance look up LED ZEPELLIN - STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN and SATANIC LYRICS on the net... You should be able to get a verse of the song backwards and in it there is used the words "little torture toolshed" which i don't think has ever been used in a song... unless of course you take any hit from STEPS....mmmmmmm

Go Well and i will talk to ye soon... Have a good un

Wilkommen, Mein Kapitans,

Hope yer all well... Our pick of the week comes from these lads above... They're called Silver Trail and the song is called "One Kiss". Have had an excellent response from listeners and we here at the Rooster reckon these boyos could do very well for themselves if they keep churning out pop/chill/guitar based tunes like this... Has a very summery feel so hope ye like it and it's fantastic to have a local act on the Pick of the Week.

Don't miss tomorrow's show we have a class segment on REVERSE LYRICS Ever heard the stories about Led Zeppelin and their Satanic messages or Black Sabbath... Well we've managed to find some hidden meanings in Britney Spears and Queen.

DON'T MISS

slainte

WATCH HOW MENTAL THIS GUT GETS AT THE END... CLASS



HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEKEND AND HOPE YE ALL MANAGE TO AVOID ANY REALITY TV CONTESTANTS AND ANY OF THE INDIVIDUALS TAKING PART IN THE NEW SERIES OF 'THE APPRENTICE'...

SLAINTE

"CUDDLE THIS..... YE TWATS"

Started by some gimp called "Reid Mihalko" in the bedsit of his New York tower block. Why is it that these ideas more often than not seem to germinate in the land of the free, they previously brought us "Laughing Yoga" and f*cking Pop-Tarts... Leaders of the Free World and they devise fecking "Cuddle Parties"... Hey, maybe they should get the US troops to organise them on the streets of Iraq, bet they'd go down a storm.

Anyway whether it is to make a load of dosh for some Yankee chancers or they genuinely want to get people to express themselves............hahahahahahaha.... At $40 upwards to go to these meetings then they are coining it. Imaging Cuddle Parties in Cork... I'm sure that any time i've had some scumbag stare me in the eyes on Patrick St. at about 3 in the morning is really just a lost soul famished for some human affection....awwwwww... Well they've taken off in the States they're headin to Britain... Jesus Lord i hope they dont come here... and if they do and people pay for this sh*te.. then Lord save us and guard us...

One fella who might need to attend a cuddle party is a certain Chinny wonder by the name of Steve Staunton... Ireland v Slovakia tonight ... "Let Us Pray together now that we don't get the crap kicked out of us" Amen

Well Done to all our ticket winners who are heading to the match courtesy of the Rooster...

check out www.cuddle-party.com if ye fancy organising your own cuddle-a-thon

HAPPY MONDAY. HOPE YER WELL... JAYSUS YOUR LOOKING F*CKING AMAZING FOR A MONDAY.

I dont want to embarrass you but i gotta say that the Red Rooster has some of the most fecking gorgeous listeners in radio land... Anyway now that the brown-nosing and point scoring is over

This guy here reckons he can light fires with his fingers after and unfortunate experience with a Television while he was repairing it. Apologies for the Twat doing the voice-over "we consider him a righteous bizarro dude..." erm, ok and try to ignore the blatant racial stereotyping at the end "Jose burned off his fingerprints so we can think of a job he could do..." erm, ok.

Well its nuts but i wouldn't want his Bill... If the ESB got a hold of him they'd have him nailed to the ground like a human pylon and servicing a housing estate.

Remember all this week we are giving away chocolate Bunnies with Lindt so we are looking for the reasons why you lurve your loved ones....Best stories/reasons/excuses/confessions will win this Brown Bun of Fun... It weighs over one Kg so if you dont wanna eat it at least you can exercise with it...

JESUS... IF THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET AN ADRENALINE RUSH THEN THESE BOYS MUST SLEEP UPSIDE DOWN OVER A TANK OF FLESH HUNGRY SHARKS STARVED FOR WEEKS IN ORDER TO GET A DECENT NIGHTS KIP.

One of these lads is from Switzerland, a country with a reputation as probably one of the most boring places to live in the World, bells on cows, yodelling and a holey cheese are probably their biggest exports .. oh yeah and those mental knives... But anyway yer man from Swiisvilles name was Hans Rey, lucky his surname wasn't 'Free' (apologies) but as you can see they are wearing helmets which is gonna be about as much help as a pair of loosely knitted pants on a diarrhoea victim... but they had gyroscopic thingys on them which helped their balance i guess... i would have had stabilisers myself.

Don't forget top rock/post punk outfit THE COOPER TEMPLE CAUSE are playing tonight in Cypress Avenue Doors at 9pm. Check them out you wont be disappointed.

HAPPY PADDY'S WEEKEND SUCKERS

HOPE YE HAVE A CRACKER OF A WEEKEND.

HERE IS MR.T DANCING TO KEEP YE GOING YOU CRAZY FOOLS.

WELL I'M THE SUCKER REALLY AS I AM BACK ON MONDAY BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GO WELL

Well its one way to brush your teeth Fair play to Granny on getting up there in the first place... although i seriously recommend some Fixadent next time... and maybe a spare pair of pants

Anyhoo I hope ye are all well and looking forward to the weekend as long as the clouds stop have their meetings above the clouds of Cork then we might have at least one day of dryness cos lets face it this wet stuff unless its alcoholic is really f8ckin annoying.. pardon my French.

Speaking of France i was supposed to go there this weekend but because of unforeseen circumstances ie breaking up with the missus... onwards and upwards... boo hoo i now have defunct tickets with mine and her names on them and they are pointless... Whatever you do when you book with Ryanair make sure that you are definite on the DATES because the f*ckers charge €45 per destination change and €100 per name change ... its a joke so be careful when you are booking... i called them and yer one agreed that if i could find someone with the same names they could go on the flights So if you're name is Lenny call me and i'll send you to Paris...

Anyway enough of my shite have a top weekend and i will see yez on Wednesday as i is heading over to Manchester and Liverpool for the weekend to clear the head... I'll bring ye all back a stick of rock...

Till then Go Well and...

STAY CLASSY CORK

JAH BLESS MA BRETHREN

"You say you got a cat that can play the piano?"

"Yeah Boss, its gonna make millions"


Well i cant see this particular feline Liberace making much cash for the owner but the fact that it has been hit on YouTube over 1.6 million... yes i said 1.6 million times...well that kindas says it all... It is phenomenal that this little furball can command so many hits.. am i being a bit harsh i suppose its still only Tuesday... the new Monday aaarrrggghhhh!!!! Well i wouldn't mind if it was a cat reading a newspaper preferably a Broadsheet, wearing a monocle and top hat but maybe i ask too much.. Otherwise its cute... aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww

Anyway... we had the pleasure of Fred Elliot back from the grave in the shape of Anthony who came on and gave us his impression... fair play and it certainly left one on myself and KC!!!

If any more of ye out there would like to get your impressions on air please text 0868273336 in the morning...

Keith Duffy should be on the show tomorrow and dont forget we have our hot-tub to give away.. Jesus look at the weather you could really do with one of those yokes...

Go Well

Good Day to ye all...

I have included a Video of the Genius that was Christy Ring... He died on this day back in 1979...and should never be forgotten for his contribution to Cork Hurling and the human race.

Over the course of his career he won a record 8 All-Ireland Senior Hurling Championship titles with Cork. He was named in the right half-forward position on the Gaelic Athletic Association's "Hurling Team of the Millennium."
Contents

'I always liked to do the impossible.'
Christy Ring


Hope ye have a fantastic weekend.. . Take Care

"....oooooooowwwwwwwwww... I was shaking at the knees...could i come again please... you've been Thunderstruck..."

Oh yeah, stroke yer mullet and shake a leg in tight jeans in the straddle position while bopping yer head... this is definitely the tune to have at your Wedding or even Funeral ..!! As they lower ye down!!! Had a wee fella on KIDS IN THE CAR this morning called Ruari O Sullivan from Rathcormac, only 5 and already he is an Air Guitar Master and AC/DC head so we had to get him to bop along to this classic... An on-air first for Cork!!

Also todey we had more chats about SCAMS and especially these Spanish Lottery Shysters... They're about as Spanish as fuckin Ronnie Drew but require you to send them all your details, bank, licence, address etc.. I suppose if your stupid enough or greed takes over you might but I feel sorry for those f*ckwits... seriously. One of the most interesting frauds i found was this gut who wanted me to send him details so he could lodge his WILL with me and distribute to charity... Here's an extract of this clown's scam and a PICTURE of him DYING in Hospital!!!!

"How are you today? Sorry for the delay in getting to you. I just
>>got back from Luton Specialists Hospital. I shall return within the
>>week for brain surgery. The cancer has eaten deep into my brains. I
>>am attaching my picture for your viewing.
>> I unanimously contacted you because I want this money to be used
>>as charity. I did a search through the Internet and found your contact
>>I am sorry if I had pried into your privacy. I only want to delegate
>>you as the funds disburser and I shall WILL my money that has been
>>deposited in a UK bank to you so that you will share it amongst the
>>less privileged. You will get some percentage for your hard work.
>> All the necessary document for this to be done is ready and will be
>>sent to you. Please send me your following details:
>>Name:Age:Occupation:Address:City:State:Zip:Country:Telephone:Cell:Fax:
>>This will make it more easier for the funds to be transferred.
>>Thank you.
>>Tyron.

DEADLY BIYS!!!!!!!!


and please check out www.themafiaguy.com and read his STORY ITS CLASS!!!!

FINALLY - if you want to get on NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED Transition Year special you have to be aged between 14 - 17. Check www.rte.ie/tv/ttv/ and download application form


GO WELL

"WAVE GOOD-BIY TO CORK"

Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Welcome, Wilkommen, and How the f*ck are you all... Above is a depiction of what we could be riding out of Cork if a Volcano on the island of La Palma in the Canaries decides to go tits up and erupt kamikaze style on our asses. This morning we had Professor Michael Williams, a noted Geologist from N.U.I. Galway discussing reasearch he is undertaking into Tsunami's and the threat to our own shores... He reckons:

• A TSUNAMI COULD REACH IRELAND IN 2 AND HALF HOURS IF A VOLCANO ERUPTS ON ‘LA PALMA’ ON THE CANARY ISLANDS

A HUGE WAVE OF OVER 50 METRES COULD HIT IRELAND AND THE NORTH ATLANTIC
HE BELIEVES THAT IRELAND HAS INFACT BEEN HIT BY TSUNAMIS IN THE PAST IN THE YEARS 1850 AND 1755

The moral of the story is make sure you build your future house on a hill... or learn to swim quick fast...

We also had Ray Terry on the show. He is:

SWIMMING THE CHANNEL FOR MARYMOUNT HOSPICE

THE SWIM IS ABOUT 22 MILES / 35 KM

NON-STOP SWIMMING FOR 17 HOURS.

He is hoping to raise €30,000 for MARYMOUNT HOSPICE which is a brilliant cause.

We wish him all the BEST from the Rooster and if you wanna donate to Ray's Swim call into either Denis MacSweeney's Photo Shop on Marlborough St. or on MaCurtain St. He is a brave man ... Jaysus i barely got me 25m Bronze badge at school so i think its a mighty impressive undertaking...

Go Well and talk to ye soon.

Homer as a human...weird

Dear Blog,

How are you? Welcome once again to my chocolate log. If you wish to proceed answer me these questions three...

TRUE OR FALSE
1. Glenda Gilson invades every newspaper on a daily basis.
2. Glenda Gilson has an eyebrow you could ski off.

And finally...

3. Glenda Gilson and Barry Scott (cilit bang) should be dropped in grease and sent sliding inside a pipe towards a field of hungry dogs?

If this is the first time you have read my Captains log then you should be ashamed of yourself and go back to the beginning... I've done at least three entries and i'm very proud.

Have a class weekend and here's hoping that we put it up to England tomorrow in Croker. Looks like it is gonna be a classic but hope that nothing kicks off because of some horse shit about an anthem... Jesus its just an anthem and lets face it and deal with it... and move on. Its a game of Rugby and we will do ourselves proud by ignoring the queen saving and just kicking arse!!

If you are heading for TEDFEST good luck... If you're not make sure you tune in on Monday as we will have Pope Hackett aka Ronan Leydon - our official Rooster man tellin us all about the weekend mayhem.. pics will follow!! Nuns on tractors etc...

If you're a Duke Special fan we have the man himself on the show on Monday so DONT MISS IT!!!!

Have a great weekend and go well

Howdy folks hows yer arse?

Had to download this video for yez.. played the audio this morning and with video it makes sense!! R & J are in big trouble after their Production company took loads of extra cash from callers that they shouldn't have... oooohhhhh errrrr missus... Hope ye like the clip...

"I'm so mashed"

BRITNEY SPEARS

HOMER SIMPSON

There's nothing like a story of a superstar's mental breakdown. Monday mourning can sometimes be a nightmare if nothing has happened Celebrity wise over the weekend so Britney Spears looking like an extra from Babylon 5 will give a spine to the show and a really good talking point. Are we watching the mental breakdown of a young mother in front of our very eyes...remember she is only 25 which is crazy.... too much money and very little brains and few friends have led to this behaviour... What is next for the exiled Pop Princess... I fear she will finally go overboard.. its on the cards. Hope yer all well and not suffering too much from the Mondayitis which is pretty contagious...

Had Peter Phillips ... Organiser of Tedfest on the Show... I hope it will be a massive success now that they have John Aldridge, Tony Cascarino, and the guy who played Fr. Stone on board. The first year will be the hardest but lets hope its a fitting tribute to the comedic genius that was Dermot Morgan.

Details for entering the inaugral Fr. Tedfest 'Toilet Duck Comedy Awards":

The Kings Head Toilet Duck Award 2007

In association with Ted Fest 2007!
On Wednesday the 21^st February at the Kings Head in Galway eight of Ireland’s best up and coming comedians compete for a place in the final at Ted Fest 2007 on Inis Mor. Join MC Gerry Mallon for this showcase of Ireland’s finest comedy potential, battling for a place in the final line up at the sell-out Ted Fest 2007!
The final takes place in the Aran Islands Hotel on Fri Feb 23rd with MC Gerry Mallon and special guest Michael Redmond.
The prize for the Kings Head Toilet Duck Award is €1000, TV coverage, an appearance at the Cork Comedy Festival….and a golden duck.
Show begins at 8pm, tickets €8 on door.
The first annual Toilet Duck Award: Run in conjunction with the Friends of Ted Festival. Toilet Duck Award night is a showcase for the best in new Irish stand up comedy…just like a certain island-based sitcom was once upon a time…

For further details: www.friendsofted.org

Press contact: Fergal McGrath 0044 873 251 249

"I'll never mess with Keith Barry again" said a disgruntled Glenda Gilson after the Master of Druids cast a spell on her after she had insulted his new pair of Farah slacks.

Well hows the heads? Had a great show today chatting about Gay Dogs... really hard hitting topical stuff like that is what makes this country great! We had a texter concerned that his boxer dog was a bite on the camp side refusing the ride from an amorous Bitch...(dont worry that is just animal terminology!!!!).
Plus Keith Barry was on the show this morning... Check out the video of his spike trick... Incredible stuff... He is playing at The Everyman Theatre this Sunday... Check it out defo... As you can se from the pic above Glenda Gilson has already been on the receiving end of his wrath....!!!!


Have a crackin weekend and love to ye alll!!!
Easy Now.

"Thank You, Lord"

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY YE BEAUTIFUL FECKERS

"The raindrops are falling upon my roof as i write this...my letter to my love ... they remind me of how you used to tap the floor with your wooden leg and wake me up while i was watching re-runs of Prisoner Cell Block H downstairs... oh how i've missed you and your beautiful face and the way you pinned back your head every night... and how you errrggggggghhhhhhhh...
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Jaysus fell asleep there and had a horrific nightmare... wow got the sweats had a mental dream there about waking up with CHER... Lord help us and Guard Us...

Anyway had a quality show today with our LIVE PROPOSALS!!! It was a beautiful thing and i felt all fuzzy inside... aaaahhhhh.. Yes we gave away a Romantic trip for 2 to the Sante Colonic Irrigation Clinic in Bantry... Must say that our lucky winners were absolutely delighted and here's hoping they get well sucked!!

REVENGE POETRY was a hoot and helped bring a Mother and Daughter from Bandon together...!! MOre about that 2moro!! BIG Cheers for PJ Gallagher and the gang for their Naked Camera award at the IFTA's ... PJ was on the show this morn and is always a welcome h=guest he's gonna have his own show soon as JAKE STEPHENS.. CLASS!

Also got THE MAGIC MAN KEITH BARRY on the show this Friday should be excellent looking forward to that one...

So thats it from me and to play me out I have acquired the services of the King Of Cool and one bloke guaranteed to get the bed sheets rattled if ye throw him on the record |Player!!!

Here he is Al Green and "Lets Stay Together"
SMMMMMMMMOOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEEEEE

Well me heads hope ye are all well... Summer 2007 is what they are saying hopefully July time and we will see the ultimate Super Hero of modern times... Homer J himself and the family taking to the big screen.. I am a huge Simpson head and cant wait check out the Previews if ye get a chance and i will throw one of them up on the Blog.. they are f*ckin quality...

Oh yeah the show.. We have a cracking prize for all you loved up ... bunged up ... lovers out there..
Yes we have the ultimate Valentines Gift to give away..... 2 Colonic Irrigations for two couples at the excellent Sante clinic on Main Street in Midleton.. We had the owner Susan on the show recently and she was offering loads of health advice especially if you just gave up the fags and are bunged up .. its sorts that right out!!!!

So get the pipes cleaned and make sure you are tuning in all week...

Now gotta get back to my Sweat Shop of squirrels the little feckers are making me loads of Simpson merchandise that i can sell off...

"Right come on ye little fecks or i'll ate yez all......."

"When i grow up i wanna be a Potato Pie"

Howdy folks, hows the heads...ummm...uuuuhhhnmmnm mnnmfpopupquifqpiuhgfqlhpuifhpufhpufhpiuhpufh;pufhpuifh;puihfpujnvun

e[bv,jboq]okbol,pjbk[f'[infb[kodfnbfnbbn[kiofnbodnbakfnbkfh[8rhqpdnqonaqskml
]GF;P
PKQ]#OJQ]OJM'LFDMA#\D

jaysus... excuse me nearly choked on some really bad fish sticks and my fingers slipped onto the keyboard, luckily Big Dave who works as a Security Guard was able to do the Henrik manouevre and was able to remove the culprit with a magnificent finish into the top corner...

Ne way today we asked you what you thought would be the Greatest 7 Wonders of Cork could be and these are some of your suggestions:

SHANDON BELLS

ST. FINBARR’S CATHEDRAL

LENNOX’S CHIP SHOP

POTATO PIES

(BREAST IN A BUN) AT HILLBILLYS

PANAMAN

THE HIGH B

THE NEW TOWER BEING BUILT ACROSS FROM CITY

HALL

SIR HENRY’S

LINEHAN’S SWEET FACTORY OFF SHANDON ST.

SEAN OG O HAILPIN

JO DEANE

NIALL O FLAHERTY FROM THE SULTANS OF PING

THE FRANK AND WALTERS

ROY KEANE

FOOTBALL CRAZY SHOP

BLARNEY CASTLE

THE SHAKY BRIDGE

BERNIE MURPHY

‘IRISH JACK’ 5^th member of The WHO

Some class suggestions there heads and a few surprises!! Potato Pies are the food of God's and as far as i know they are unique to Cork... alongside Spicy Beef.... SWEET!!

GOOD LUCK dont miss the Rooster Quiz back 2 moro wahey

Hello feens and feenesses,

Hope you are all well. Had some really good guests on this week including Norman Pratt from 'Football Crazy' an institution in Cork which id unfortunately closing due to a redevelopment of the area. It will be missed and we were honoured by Norman comin on the show but thankfully the football crazy name will continue in a company capacity... Closing date of the shop id 16th Feb so make sure you get in there...

Also on today was Paddy Dunning from the Grouse Lodage studio in Westmeath... Seriously he is a sound man and has set up the premier Recording Studio for bands in Ireland an even Europe. The list of clients reads like a who's who list..... Black Eyed Peas, MUSE, Snow Patrol, The Waterboys, Michael Jackson etc... If u are in a band check out the website and get in contact with them as they are settin up a new studio at very reasonable prices for recording a top quality album at affordable prioces ... which is class for any up and coming act out there so check it out at

www.grouselodge.com

We also started a new promotion this week called - 'SKINT' so if you are IN THE RED - CONTACT RED. CALL, TEXT, EMAIL

I'm writing this while i am cycling back from the shops with some messages for me Ma so ... whhoooooo... iiiiiiilllllll hhavvvee to watch the potholes in the road...

Have got a bag on either side of the handlebars so it's balanced out and the laptop is around the neck like one of those huge pens that you can buy.......whhhoooooo .....eeeeaaaaassssssyyyyyyyy.........what the ffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!

jjjjjjjayyyysssssuuuuusssssss ... Cork County Council really need to sort those feckin pot holes out.... my God.......... Anyhooo hope ye are alll well and Auntie Floretta just wanna thank you for reading my Blog every day and yes people will now start reading it too... thanks for the help with the flyers down the Care Home it all helps...

Hope ye heard the wind up during the week...Pat the Faker rang up a Garage about a petrol leak and then checks it with a lighter, he's not the brightest button on the jacket... basically he's a tool!!!! It was a real laugh... yer man on the other end of the line was mortified!! But it turned out pretty funny...We Hope!!

Pick of the week Mika was a big hit with listeners with loads of ye texting... he will be massive in 007 big time.....

Pick for this week is a dramatic swinging kinda love anthem from a soulful chap called Duke Special.. its excellent stuff and they're Irish so bonus!!

Thats enough for me hears a pic of me on me bike....WAHEY!!!!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...SLEEP

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Yes it is January and i am just getting used to getting out of bed again at the ungodly hour of darkness that is 5 in the morning.... "Black... it is black and there are pins in the nbox... pins... no ..... not.......the PINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".... Jaysus.... sorry... Anyway welcome back and thanks for listening and reading... Show is gonna have loads of new stuff and guesta and fings for da new year and dat innit so keep the ears pinned well back... Go WEll


CHEERS!!