LENNY'S LOGBOOK

ION TV @ the IFTAs

2012-02-13T08:36:00.000-08:00

War Horse & Tradfest

2012-02-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

Latest ION vids peeps...

Wanna get all folked up! We did at the Temple Bar Tradfest. Spoke to a few heads and enjoyed a bit a craic:

ION gets folked up at the Temple Bar Tradfest!

Liam Cunningham (sound), Joe Duffffyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (Mother would be so proud), Ruby Walsh (what he didn't mention here was that his favourite film is Love Actually...frightening. Although he is half-horse so movies clearly are not his thing!) Barry Geraghty, and many others as I patrolled the red carpet for the War Horse Irish premiere:

MY PRESENTER SHOWREEL

2012-01-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

My name is Mark Linehan (aka Lenny) and this is my presenter showreel.

Okay! *drum roll*

Be warned it contains a cheesy star-wipe effect (Homer Simpson you are an inspiration!) and a number of special guests including an excited DJ Shadow, a Jedward sandwich, a chuckling Colin Farrell, a swearing Dara O Briain, Playdoh loving Irish Masterchefs Dylan McGrath & Nick Munier, a nearly teary Liam Cunningham, the lovely Amy Huberman, a winking Brendan Gleeson, sheep shearing, ice hockey lessons and loads of bits in between!

Hope you enjoy.

My contact is: marklinehan@talentbase.ie

Hope you enjoyed some of my best bits. However, if you laughed during this video, then you must give me a job!Contact details: marklinehan@talentbase.ieThanks :-)

The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth

2012-01-20T03:01:00.000-08:00

ION @ BT Young Scientist & Technology Exhibition

WE headed along to the place where the country's brightest bunsen-burning boffins competed to see who had the biggest brain!

Myself and Tony the Cameraman (that's his actual surname) spoke to a load of science students from Cork, Dublin, Kerry, Monaghan, Clare, Wicklow and loads more.

There are some brilliant ideas in here and it's good to know that while Ireland is on it's feckin knees in debt we REALLY have some of the best brained geeks in this country.

The future's bright!
The future's boffins!

To check out all the other fantastic ION TV videos on entertainment.ie just CLICK HERE

And, I know I can see you screaming while you nibble on your knuckles, "Where the feck is Part two???"

Well, fear not. Here be my number two...uggghhhhhhh

2011-12-21T03:06:00.000-08:00

CHECK IT HOLMES IT'S SHERLOCK!

Any fans of The Mighty Boosh might recognise the legacy my Lahndanowes to the creepy gravelly voiced Eel Man...

The Eel Song for those unfamiliar with his slippery slimy waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyss!!!!!

And for any Ringers out there...CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS!!!

2011-12-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

RIDE ON!

Okay, so I wouldn't say I'm the bravest person in the wrold...stupid (I have nealt electricuted myself twice and have eaten a scorpion..that as they say is for another day) but most definitely not brave. And when it comes to fairground rides they are not really my top priority for enjoyment. Admittedly I've got up on a few dodgy ones in the past (ooh er missus!) but being the selfless, courageous reporter that I am entertainement.ie asked me to head along to the 7UP Winter Wonderland in Kilmainham Gardens. Luckily, I had a six month tour of duty in deepest Afghanistan to prepare me!

MASTERCHEF & MO'FOS!

2011-12-02T06:02:00.001-08:00

MASTERCHEF & MO'FOS!

LATEST ION VIDEOS:

ION crew headed along to the Taste of Christmas show at the Convention Centre (on the quays in Dublin, building looks like God dropped a can and hasn't bothered picking it up) recently to meet the Masterchef Maestros Dylan McGrath and Nick Munier. I was a massive fan of the show when it was on and so I decided to make something very special for the lads to critique...

"Will they think it looks like sick or will it do the trick!"

Last night was the celebration of Hairy Lipped Hare-krishas all across the world with the Tripod in Dublin looking like the casting stage of a dodgy 70s porn movie...It was wall to wall sausage as the uber upper-lipped brigade paraded their magnificent mushers to the world before attacking them with the wilkinson sword...

This year alone they reckon they have already raised close to €80 million worldwide as men relinquish the razor for one month. That's a lot of lives saved from prostate cancer.

2011-11-18T08:49:00.001-08:00

TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN.

Popped or should I say flew along to the early exclusive screening of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (strange name I don't see what Dawn did to deserve that). So I donned my best Edward Cullen get up, (sparkly face, Victorian manners, poetry book etc) and headed along to chat to a few crazy Twihards:

Latest ION Videos

2011-11-15T04:28:00.001-08:00

What a FOUR-king weekend!

As if Friday wasn't enough excitement!

On Thursday I met one of my assured comedy heroes in the shape of the man mountain that it Dara O' Briain. He is like our very own Stephen Fry in the national treasure sense, has a massive presence yet a gentle giantness that doesn't involve throwing cars at building in a temper or ripping up 200 hundred year old Oak trees from their roots...NO, this man is a giant of comedy. The BFG (Big Funny Giant) and I chatted before and after his gig at the eircom spider awards... it's the Oscars for Internet people.

On Saturday, still reeling in wonderment and with a permanent silly smile of disbelief after the 4-0 result against Estonia, I found myself listening to Radiohead's The Bends on my Steve Jobs while simultaneously waiting in a media room to interview Jedward. It was a psychologically scarring musical paradox and I am still dealing with it.(lots of crying in cold showers) While a lot of you maay have been enjoying this incredible feat by the feet of Ronan O Gara...I was the filling in a "Jedward sandwich"...

Smuggling turtles in bread...
Wet T-Shirt Competitions...
Draft lists for Santa...

It can only be Jedworld.

"Stuck in the middle with you!"

Also spoke to the very sound JLS guys...

and asked Oritsé about a certain HOT X Factor lady by the name of Kelly Rowland!

Dublin City Marathon 2011

2011-11-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

ION @ The Dublin Marathon 2011

There was a time when a "marathon" just involved peeling a wrapper and munching down on a solid rectangle brick of peanut, caramel chocolate and dried squirrel balls* NOW, not only have they changed it to Snickers but it also involves 42 km of gruelling running from one point to another point...Henry Ford is rolling in his grave people!!!

Well, he may have given us the motor car but these 14,000 runners are giving a lot more. Blood, sweat, tears, joy, and most importantly over €10 MILLION raised for charity.

These people are legends. WE spoke to a Lion, a Zombie, Santa Claus, The Ghostbusters, a blind woman who is running her THIRD marathon, Ray D'Arcy the ~TodayFM main man at the finish line, and many more.

*this was regaled to me by a man who drank turps for tea, often ate his own underpants and once sucked a fart out of his own arse when using a lift. Therefore it is hearsay and comment and I'm clearing myself of libel in this instance. Phew!

So, let your finger loose on the play button and enjoy the Dublin City Marathon 2011 as seen through the eyes of ION:

Battlefield 3 Launch

2011-11-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

BULLETS HOVER BROADLY!!

It was a treacherous night on Friday last when I was given the unenviable mission of getting to the Tripod club in Dublin city centre to attend the launch of Battlefield 3.

As you will see from the video myself and the cameraman Matt had to dive falling bombs, dodge bullets as they whizzed past our ears, and of course manage to give the best goddam piece to camera of my life *raises fist to the sky* ;-)

There's also an interview with English/Irish singer and rapper Maverick Sabre who is fast becoming real hot property on the music scene. A very talented young man who also happens to be very sound. Nice mix.

Here's his latest video. Filmed in Wexford.

2011-10-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

No, that is not a pair of ratty torn knickers on my head...it's supposed to be a web...honest!

It's a pretty nifty video. It's by Matt Sullivan and he resides in the rebel county...check out his other stuff here: www.cameraoperator.ie

2011-10-17T12:27:00.000-07:00


Forget The Hamster...It's time for THE GERBIL!!!!

2011-10-14T04:58:00.001-07:00

FANCY WATCHING MY THREESOME?

2011-10-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

HELP!!!!

Don't worry I'm not stuck at the back of the fridge after mistakenly underestimating the length of my arms in a futile bid to get a plug into a socket.

ION went along to the Irish Premiere of The Help. Based on the book by Kathryn Stockett, which sold 5 million copies, this is the film version and it has already mirrored the success of the book taking in over 300million worldwide and 4 weeks at the top of the US Box Office.

We spoke to Director Tate Taylor and star Octavia Spencer who plays Minny (the whisper on the street is that she could be a shoe-in for Best Supporting Oscar. You heard it hear first.

...now where's that fecking plug....ooooooh ;)

2011-09-30T04:57:00.000-07:00

BLOG TIME NO SEE!

I am officially the worst most inconsistent poster of blog updates since Jesus himself set up thechosenone@blogspot.com let's face it he hasn't updated in over 2,000 years so at least I'm not as bad as him but then again he has a couple a billion followers...I have you five. And, I love you all.

So, to make up for my lack of scribing and for the two people who still check my blog every other month (never mind that other three) I thank you very much you beautiful human species. Here is a selection of the most recent videos I have made for ION.

If you likey leave a comment on youtube or send to friends or fans of the old Rooster...the tall guy has a national radio station at his disposal so I'm using good old fashioned lick arsing to get my stuff out there...thanks. Again, did I mention how good you are looking today..ooooooohhhh that leopard vest and leather rain coat are like soooooo hot!!!

Don your flatcaps and start your wellies:

PLOUGHING CHAMPS: PART 1

PLOUGHING CHAMPS: PART 2

Scissor Sisters, Stereophonics, The Saturdays, Bell X1 and loads more for the Arthur's Day Red Carpet....Expect some saucy shenanigans with the Scissor Sisters - Fingering & Langers!

ION@CULTURE NIGHT

2011-09-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Time to Plug out of the Picnic! Now to recharge.

Grouplove in a tent? No, a teepee!!

Yes, it was an electric weekend up in Stradbally. Only a little driving misty sideways wetness on Friday night to dampen some of the crowd's resolve but otherwise a glorious sunny escapade. Had to stay pretty sane for the entire weekend as this is the first festival I've ever officially worked in a media capacity. This meant heading early to bed on Friday (2am) so I could be fresh for the interviews...however my plans were scuppered by a shouty twat who insisted on singing the first two lines of the National Anthem and then repeating them..again...and again...and again and if that wasn't enough he insisted on singing yes you guessed it the first two lines to Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O Connor. "A voice like Celine Dion Ted", he did not. 'Mr Two Lines Man'. Always a popular punter wherever you go. I buried him in the woods.

Saturday was crazy with bands to be interviewed and crazy things to do and see in the 600 acres of electric eclectic madness. There's loads of clips from the crowd, festival food, weddings in blow-up churches, people pumping hard, rolling boobs down hills, (this should really be a new spectator sport!!, the incredible backwards walking man! 37 secs in on same video) dancing, screaming, pies and a huge collection of crazy sunglasses and clothing!

We have interviews with fine Irish up and coming bands who will be household names soon enough. There's Shouting at Planes, Cocophone, Katie Kim, Hot Sprockets, Favourite Sons, The Gorgeous Colours - a real mix of some great Irish Acts. Comedy comes in the form of Dermot Whelan (in which he said his coat was made of chickpeas so I had to lick it to check!) and the great Foil, Arms and Hog. Check them all out here: http://entertainment.ie/eitv/ion.asp

There's also the King of DJ's and the one that every person who has ever bought a vinyl, attempted to scratch or just fancied themselves as a bedroom DJ then this man needs no endtroduction: DJ Shadow. He's a very serious guy when talking about music. He don't mess around. It was just before his gig and I'd say that he approaches a set like a General going into battle. I offered him a treatsize Curly Wurly, but he's not a fan ;-) Also spoke to a band called Grouplove...they're from the States and will be huuuge I'd say. Click on the pic above to see me carry out my psychic test and a collective high five vibe!

Here's one of their songs, 'Tongue-tied' I reckon big things are on the horizon. Very catchy track.

Just click on the pic for full interview:

My shadow. Nothing to do with the DJ. Although DJ tripod springs to mind! scary.

Mad for Trad in the Body & Soul. Mental!

DJ Shadow does his stuff

Poetry at a festival. Rock and Roll!!

"Did you hear the one about a Banana, Shark and a Bearded Laydee?"

I hope to be back :-)

2011-09-01T05:03:00.000-07:00

FRIGHT NIGHT PREMIERE

Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Red Mist, McLovin) and Anton Yelchin (Star Trek's Chekov) both at the Cineworld cinema in Dublin for the premiere of this remake of the 1985 Horror Classic - Fright Night!

Check out our Hammer Horror inspired video (I robbed the axe off a poster!)

There's also a very funny story from one of the fans who met the two stars in a lift and didn't know who they were but asked them if they were going to see the movie. Very funny. I also managed to squeeze out of the two lads the female they would most likely want to get their vampire teeth into ;-P

Trailer for the movie...the 3D really works with the gore flying out at you! It's not going to win any Oscars but you can see Colin Farrell relishing the Jerry Vampire role...you could say he really gets his teeth into it... sorry, I'll get my coat.

2011-08-30T06:42:00.000-07:00

Couple of cool videos that I just watched and liked to share...

The effects in this are fantastic considering it most probably had a small budget...leads me to think that it may be a viral for a video game? Otherwise, brilliant shooting and clever little flips, I had to rewind a few times to work out where she was going!

The guy who made this must have the patience of a Nick Park (Aardman Animations genius) because each person (500 in total) has to hold a different photograph (he developed 1,500 photos..maniac) in order for it to give the illusion that it is moving...to be honest I think he has too much time on his hands...apart from a photograph that is ;-/

2011-08-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

Whoa...that was liquid football!

HE MUST HAVE A FOOT LIKE TRACTION ENGINE!!!!

At least one team called The Hoops are through to European football. Shame on Celtic by being hammered by a bunch of part-timers (to be honest the Scottish League has held no interest for me in recent years) It is like watching two angry bears fight over squatting rights in the woods as a load of wide eyed little animals look on...oooohhhh we might nick a point off either of ye and that'll make our season...nah pointless.

On the other hand, Shamrock Rovers have made a Europa League that would have only caught the attention of Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur fans much more interesting a viewing experience.

This volley alone is worth about a million quid to The Hoops:

It reminded me of:

And I missed that goal because I was reporting for ION on the Future Bright showcase for new emerging Irish Music talent at Crawdaddy's:

2011-08-25T05:39:00.000-07:00

HIP-OP HURRAY OOOOOHHH :-/

I have only been able to watch this clip from the Lovely Girls Competition once. I can't actually even force myself through latticed fingers and a fist in the mouth hiding and shaking behind the sofa to view this horror one more time. 'Hip-hop'? Erm...more like a drunken epileptic mating fit designed to engage the opposite sex at approximately 3am of a Saturday night.

Look but beware of a dangerous level of cringe!

Less cringeful but can be viewed more than once:

LOST IN TRANSLATION:

2011-08-22T10:04:00.000-07:00

Trying to get the biggest ride of my life!

Spent Saturday soaking up the buzz of the 2011 Fleadh Cheoil na hEireann up in sunny Cavan... and when I say sunny twas actually schplitting schtones! Couldn't beleive how great the weather was and the people were great craic. If you look closely enough you will see me pause after the Dutch man Dan answers where he is from...I had to stop my myselkf from answering in a really ropey Dutch attempted accent..."Oh well yesshhhhh that would be the drughhhhhhhhssssss and the shexxxxxxxx yessshhhh!"

2011-08-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

KEANE TO GO (ANYWHERE!)

Head over heels about moving to The Hills?

One thing I noticed about the Robbie rocket move to L.A. Galaxy was how happy he was to be heading to join David ("I din't fink dey was permanent tattooes Victowea...oh shit!") Beckham and the lads in the Hollywood Hills. Here's a little selection of various quotes that RK gave to the press when joining any number of the clubs he has been a part of in his career. It's funny to see how many boyhood dreams he has fulfilled and just how many clubs are so close to his heart ;-)

"I have always wanted to come and play in MLS so it's the perfect combination for me and a dream come true" - Robbie Keane reveals his joy at a £3.5m move from Tottenham to LA Galaxy. Obviously.

But, haven't we heard that before...ummmm.

20 August 1999: "It has always been my dream to play in the Premiership and I'm over the moon to be joining Coventry."
31 July 2000: "It's every kid's dream come true. I am absolutely delighted at the prospect of joining a world-famous club like Inter."
14 May 2007: "They say five clubs and all that, but I am very settled here [at Spurs] and am really enjoying it."
28 July 2008: "I've been a Liverpool fan all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin, and I always had a Liverpool shirt on my back. To be sitting here today in a Liverpool tracksuit is a dream come true."
6 February 2009: "I'm delighted to be back [at Spurs]. This is a club that's dear to my heart."
1 February 2010: "I am a Celtic fan and did not have to ask much about it. I always wanted to play for Celtic and it works for all parties."
31 January 2011: "I'm ready to help West Ham stay up. I feel I have plenty left to offer at the highest level for at least the next four or five years."

As long as he keeps popping them in for fun in a green shirt he can fecking play for Rangers...well okay maybe not but you get the idea ;-P

2011-08-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

OMG! THEY KILKENNY

This week I had my ION The Kilkenny Arts Festival

Yes, with apologies to South Park. I'm afraid that is actually the second time I have robbed that joke and used it in print ( is still actually have the page from the paper!). The first being my stint at the Irish Examiner back in the second neolithic cave man Jurassic dinosaur flare wearing days of the early 2000s...Ahhhhhh remember them heady days when a hedge fund was just used to pay the gardener.

Anyhoo, I spent Saturday with the great and good of the KAF and ran around like a badger exiting an all night rave to cast a spell over that cracking city and to undertake some Top Gear style challenges...one being to hunt down Gemma Hayes in a church another to get a rabbit hat fashioned from balloons and another to find a reclining naked man!

Here's the video. Hope you likey!

2011-08-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

Did all this rioting start with a pair of jeans?

With all this rioting and stock market crashing..thank f*ck for Harrison Ford!

Although he really does remind me of 'The Brain' from Pinky & The Brain (don't know this classic cartoon...Google now!) Rupert Murdoch is possibly the most powerful man in media and no matter how the hacking scandal damages him he will still dive like Scrooge McDuck (Google now!) into a swimming pool of cash. At least we can console ourselves that one of the richecst and scariest men in the world still looks like a div in a pair of shorts and a cap. Sharon Stone he is not: CHRIST

Shield your eyes :-( Now, here's a brilliant clip from the Guardian website. It's a great insight intoi the Murdoch mind. Don't worry it doesn't contain any gratuitous crotch shots...or does it!

2011-08-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

LATEST VIDEO FROM ION@ENTERTAINMENT.IE

Hi folks...Okay...if you've seen Tootsie and Heath Ledger in Batman Returns..throw in Krusty the Clown and maybe a pinch of Stephen King's Carrie and a small dash of Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances you're getting close...with a little roadkill on top. Make sure you've had your dinner :-S

WOOHOO!! IT'S LADIES DAY AT DUBLIN HORSE SHOW

Let me just warn you first...this video contains gratuitous scenes of make-up and flowery dress violence that may disturb younger (and older) viewers:

2011-07-13T04:16:00.000-07:00

FANCY A DATE WITH MEG FROM FAMILY GUY? GET ON YOUTUBE.
(although the chances are you will require a large weapon)

First this happens...

...and then she responds:

"Do it for your country!" Yes Justin. Gos bless America.

Now, I expect that his weapin will remain concealed for the evening.

2011-07-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

DOUBLE TROUBLE!

What in this world could possibly be more awesome (and arousing) than two...yes i said TWO Lennys. I know. It sounds insane and just makes the heart flutter and the soul fulfilled. Well, ladies and gentlemen your fantasies have been fulfilled...

Whoa...whoa. Hold on a second this is actually more about two for the price of one. It's just cheap labour :-( There's me thinking it was WIZARDLY MAGIC!

Check out the Harry Potter 7 Part 2 3D (anymore numbers to put in title?) movie premiere from The Savoy in Dublin. Great craic and a lunatic crowd.

We got into the spirit of Harry Potter by reproducing my long lost twin and bring him along...If you look closely you can see my twin's lightning scar!

"Lenny sandwich?"
"Erm, no I've just eaten thanks."

2011-07-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This video contains gratuitous use of a Barry's Tea Bag as a police badge and a moustache that small children should not view unless accoompanied by an adult..it's frightening!

Here is my video from The Premiere of The Guard at the Galway Film Fleadh this week.

Brendan Gleeson stars as Sergeant Gerry Boyle (he gives me a taster of Boyle in the clip ;-) and he is a no nonsense Dirty Harry style copper. It's the French Connection (Popeye Boyle) meets Father Ted with a little bit of Spaghetti Western tossed into the mix!

The sound is a bit ropey (ah such professionals). Apologies. So, turn up your hearing aids and load your weapons...here comes The Guard!

2011-06-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

Looks a bit Fishy...

My just out of bed look...and not ONE person up for a game of cards or pool...can't see why...disappointed

Latest video from I-ON which has it's "eye-on" events happening in Dublin and hopefully once we get a little bigger (I'm eating all the greens I can)... around the country. Myself and Conor the cameraman headed along to the launch of Hard Working Class Heroes (HWCH) the other night. It's a festival for brand new bands that has helped the careers of people like Duke Special, Snow Patrol, Villagers, Lady Gaga (okay well not technically Gaga but she texted me before we filmed just to wish me luck and mackerel) and loads of others in the Irish music scene.

2011-05-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

HANGOVER: PART 2 PREMIERE.

Finally, I'm allowed to indulge my tranvestism...Eddie Izzard would be proud.

Some Pics From Hangover: Part 2 Premiere

Myself and Andrea Roche...she was desperate for a pic so I obliged. I'm so nice.

Bernard Dunne and myself exchanging boxing tips.

That's a beard De Niro would be proud of...he might be out of the ring
but he's still a whippet.

What's a Premiere without the totty eh!?

Hot blond. Check.
Rabid monkey in sleeveless denim jacket. Check.

Chatting to ex Expose man Sean Munsanje. Sound guy.

Look it's Paul O' Grady. Wow.

2011-05-25T05:18:00.000-07:00

2011-05-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

The Week of The Icons - 'BOBAMA'

Apart from the clichéd pint of Guinness shot, the baby and old lady hugging, the Tome Cruise moment on the mobile phone, the Richard Pryor inspired speech, this was the highlight for me:

Great advert for BMW. Check out how thick the doors are!

First we get the Queen talking Gaelige, then Barack Obama gets a sesh on in the before unknown Ballygobackwards backwater of Moneygall, (I bet he was probably the first black man, never mind President of The United States to sup a pint in that pub!) now forever on the map as 'Obamaville' it was an incredible day for Irish pride. Can we organise more state visits please!? In the past fortnight I have completely forgotten all the acronyms; IMF, ECB , BOI, AIB, EMF, and it's just been positivity on the airwaves. And, how much better does that feel? WEll, the answer my friend is blowing in the wind (and fuck me it was windy yesterday especially when Barack and Michelle arrived in Ireland nearly blown off the runway and then greeted by Darby O'Gillmore and The Little People) ....Okay so I robbed that 'Blowin' line from a certain Mr Robert Allen Zimmerman...AKA Bob Dylan who is celebrating 70 years on this planet but Zimmerman is not ready yet for the Zimmerframe. A living legend is a term thrown around but he is the true embodiment. A chameleon of a man he is the only living artist among a select group (Cohen, Waits, Young, McCartney, Simon, Moore etc.) that stands head and shoulders above what is out today and like a complicated fossil he just doesn't want to be "got."

"Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants me to be just like them."

Pretty much sums him up. Happy Birthday Mr Zimmerman. And thanks.

Here are some of my favourite pics of the little Jew who knew.

Taken in Woodstock in 1968 this is possibly my favourite Dylan photograph. A large print hangs in the Morrison Hotel in Dublin and the first time I saw it I just stopped. It was taken by rock photographer Elliot Landy and one day when I have some money "it will be mine!"

Simple truth...either that or waiting for the bus.

Looking like Joyce or Rimbaud this could have been taken at the turn of the century.

Good hair. Better scarf.

Classic young Dylan.

With the legend Johnny Cash. Check out their duet 'Girl of the North Country' on
Nashville Skyline. Sublime.

Braincogs on fire.

With his son Jakob.

And after selling over a 1oo million albums, the Pulitzer Prize, Nobel Prize nomination, 20 million Google pages, over 30 studio albums and at least 500 songs what can you possibly choose as his greatest musical moment? This wins hands down:

Although, let's face it this is a close second:

Yes. That is Bob Dylan rapping with Kurtis Blow in 1986 but we all know that Dylan wrote and performed the first rap song way back in the 60s:

2011-05-17T04:36:00.000-07:00

ONE IS GOING ON THE SESH!

Security is tighter than a Robin's ringpiece. Cordons left, right and centre in the Capital. Here are a few pics taken of O'Connell street and the surounding area. I was asked for ID three times and had my bags checked. Obviously I don't mind, but today was not a good day to be carrying around my rather extensive collection of 'Weather Ladies Wear Rubber' pornography.

I love a gate but this is offence-ive... Sorry.

"If I knew you were wearing the same dress I would have changed."

"Erm, now lads we're we all supposed to gather here?"
"Yes Pat, this two metre squared area is notorious for Ra heads."

It's unusual that there's so much security when she was already out last night banging yokes at a club in Ballyfermot!

"Oooh Phillip one is mashed!"

2011-05-09T02:44:00.000-07:00

SUPERHERO FUN RUN IN PHOENIX PARK

Batboo...I mean Babes!

The Super Family...check out Clark Kent (Dad) in the background. This lady made the Super Dog costume herself. This dog was HUGE but brilliantly friendly...there's a clip of me chatting to him in the video below...he was chilled cos he would kick my ass no problem!

Supergran? Looks more like the guy in Total Recall :-/

Super Smurf! (I thought she was Super Sperm...hunting for an Ovary!)

Out of Bat Breath?! This little dude looks a bit like Chris from Family Guy.

Little Bat Dude and his Mother aka...Super Mummy! Genius.

Even Obama and co. were getting in on the act!

Is a bird? Is it a plane?

Noooooooo, it's me dressed up as in a glorified onesy that is otherwise known as Batman Light, The Boy Wonder, the Mikey Graham of the Superhero world...Robin!

Reported for Entertainment.ie on the Superher Fun Run raising money for Our Lady's Children's Hospital in Crumlin. The weather was fantastic (I'm sure I spotted Gerry Fleming aka Met Eireann Man keeping the rain off!) and it was amazing to see some of the efforts that people went to and for such an incredible cause.

Here is the video:

If you want to see some pics go here:

http://entertainment.ie/caughtout/gallery/Super-Hero-5K-Run-in-Phoenix-Park/1449.htm

2011-04-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

They Came, They Saw, They Conquered

Here is my interview feature with the two guys (James Wan and Leigh Whannell) who created the first Saw movie and which has since become a torture porn phenomenon that has grossed nearly $900,000,000 dollars. That is insane, but as the lads said the studio money men just sit their counting the profits waiting for more unwilling victims to become part of Jigsaw's plans. I met the lads in the U2 Clarence Hotel and they were beaming smiles on legs...their new movie called Insidious is out today and cost only $800,000. It has already grossed over $35m at the US Box Office. Unreal. No wonder they're all smiles.

Just click on the pic:

"Whatever you do, DON'T shout cut!"

And, Insidious isn't the only horror being inflicted on us today...Will (you marry me) and Waif celebrate their nuptials across the water...If two Jack Russells were getting married I would happily wish them the world of good especially if i was getting the day off! Good luck to them they seem pretty down to earth...well for people who have Granny's in Palaces I suppose. And because I have been caught up in the romance of it all, here is a wonderful clip of Wills and Kate talking about how they first met...my eyes are welling up just thinking about it...awwwwww

2011-04-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes these flash mob adverts get on my tatties, but this is actually very funny. Prince Harry posted this video on his Facebook page saying, "this is what it's really going to be like!" His lookalike in the video is brilliant....and Camilla Parker Bulldogs is pretty good. Dancing up the aisle to "House of Love" by East 17 is a lot more palatable than domestic violence specialist Chris Brown...those chino wearing bell-ends in that other famous Youtube monster hit melted my head.

Things I learned this week...

Pigs can have unfeasibly large bollocks. Lord help us, but how does this fella sit down...although they probably pop up in front of him like a footstool :-/

2011-04-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

John Sullivan R.I.P.

Very sad to hear the news over the weekend of the death of a comedy legend. He is the man who gave us one of the greatest comedy characters Del Boy Trotter. A character up there with Homer Simpson as far as I'm concerned and nearly as influential especially on a wee big toothed, side parting, nobbly knee'd, short pants wearing wee man like myself. Every Friday or Saturday I loved to sit and watch Only Fools and Horses, and catch the "Rodney, you plonker!", "Mange tout" "ruby murray" "Dave" and any number of legendary catchphrases that Sullivan engraved in comedy lore in between trying to hear the jokes because my Mum and Dad would be wailing in laughter. There was a cracking piece in the Mail about the genuine pleasure of Sullivan's comedy...it took the piss but was never snide.

He also gave birth to a very special little three wheeler...one day Rodders, we'll be millionaires!

One of my favourite scenes was the chandelier. As many of his stories came from his Dad, a plumber in London, this is supposed to have happened. All of the best comedy comes from truth and one of the reasons why OFAH was s o successful is because of the believable characters.

And this wasn't far behind...

2011-04-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO 'STAR' (!?)

Although in this situation I hope that I will be able to make clips until me hair tis greay and my bowels run astray. Here's a clip of a brand spanking new addition to Entertainment.ie called I-ON (as in "eye on" geddit? very clever, ye see all those years at Uni paid off!) that is a video magazine hosted by yours truly and featuring a ton of comedy, music, movie, exhibitions and events and the punters who attend. It will be a great craic and obviously the most important people are yourselves, so if we stop you for a chat say hello! Gonna start in the Capital and then work our way around the country.

This one is all about Fast & The Furious 5 - Rio Heist. I went along to the premiere party to speak to the fans of the monster motor movie.

WARNING: This clip features gratuitous boobs, (Georgia Salpa and hot blonde) even more gratuitous attempts at comedy, loads of fans, clips from the movie, and to top it all...a fantastic Gardai outtake....stay to the end...it's gas! Wooooop Woooop!

So, please give this video some love on youtube and pass it on if you can :-)

Fankooooo xx

2011-03-28T03:52:00.000-07:00

Heard Prendeville is back on air this morning. Was thinking of cracking one off in public and I might get myself back on the radio...Can't afford a plane so the local double decker bus will have to do. Now where did I put that dirty mac?

So to celebrate his return...I was going to suggest Return of the (dirty) mac by Mark Morrison, but I think this one is more appropriate:

2011-03-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

OOOPS!!!!!!!!!!

I know that you have to make videos in advance, but this managed to get out and make Martin Johnson look like an even bigger ignorant ape than he is...sweet.

And no wonder they lost. Look at all the forward passes!

2011-03-16T07:55:00.000-07:00

I plan to start my day with a bowl of gin and cornflakes, Riverdance myself to the bookies, wade through the dyed green river to a hooley, catch the eye of the highest ranking farmer's daughter, fight bare-knuckle for her honour in a hay bail cage and then finish the day off with a set-dance. So, between the jigs and the reels to pre-empt my stereotyped drunken Irish behaviour, I will not have time to update this blog on Drunken Day.

HAPPY PADDY'S DAY

Patriotic sweets. "Amhrán na Bean"

Here is a selection of videos that will hopefully amuse one:

Possibly my favourite Simpson episode:

Here's a Paddy's Day greeting from a very early U2. This looks like it was filmed around the same time Angela's Ashes was based :-/ Watch the Edge playing football it's hilarious!

The Muppets in Aran sweaters = Comedy Genius.

And for the alcoholics:

2011-03-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

I will never complain about the weather here again. Watch as this town is destroyed in less than 5 mins. The speed and power is frightening.

2011-03-10T07:20:00.000-08:00

FINALLY GOT THE HAIR CUT.

ALL HAIL MING!

2011-02-23T07:10:00.001-08:00

The most honest television advert I've seen...

...and the most honest poster.

This is from a while back and is still the greatest representation of Fianna Fail (no fada is deliberate)

2011-02-09T06:42:00.000-08:00

What a legend. I'd happily give this woman my vote. Jaysus, at least crime levels would drop!

Check this out.

As passersby ignore a gang of thieves robbing a jewellery store in broad daylight, out of the corner of the picture runs a red-riding hood figure wielding a hangbag and starts bashing the scum-bags over the head!

Reminds me of one of my fave shows as a kid:

BTW, the theme song was also sung by a certain Big Yin :-)

2011-02-04T06:40:00.000-08:00

Well it is Erect...I mean ELECTION time! Jesus, I've been spending to much time alone at this keyboard.

So, in keeping with the saucy, sexy and downright debauched themes of Lenny's Logbook, I will be featuring some decidedly scandalous features and commentary on the forthcoming elections.

Starting as I mean to go on. After posting the 'Orgasm Voting' campaign yesterday. A tactic that they used in Spain to attract young people to the ballot box, I have been researching on how other countries have been doing it (voting that is). Let's face it, the posters that currently grace our lampposts and because of the wind - our streets, front gardens, and windscreens (I remember a woman calling into the Rooster once who nearly crashed because Dan Boyle landed on her windscreen on the way to work. Don't worry it wasn't the real Dan Boyle...the car would've been a right off :-S). Our politicians look like the cast of Orcs from the Lord Of The Rings. God, they are the ugliest cretons so it's lucky that looks don't matter and they are amazing, self-sacrificing humans willing to lead the country as best they possibly can. Take a tip from the SATC ladies - USE PHOTOSHOP PEOPLE! As Ricky Gervais said, "The people who worked on the Sex and the City 2 posters deserve an award." He's right, because if they weren't touched up it would have looked like an advert for Last Of The Summer Wine.

Anyhoo, here's a few tips for how we can campaign in this country:

1. Turn heads. Especially mens. Obviously, don't turn up to vote with NO PANTS on. Unless you live in West Kerry, I hear it's the norm there.

2. I have no idea what this means. It's a naked woman with a pen. That's all that you need to know.

3. American Free Speech is in the constitution. "America...F*ck Yeah!"

4. Again, no idea what this means. But, I guarantee her health and education legislation changes have incredible foresight.

5. Now, this man won't f*ck your economy. Can't say the same about your daughters :-/

2011-02-03T06:36:00.000-08:00

WE have a lot to learn from the Spanish when it comes to advertising our Election. Although they seem to have mixed up the L with an R. Ooh er missus!

2011-02-02T05:37:00.000-08:00

Did you check out the premiere of Boardwalk Empire last night?

Directed by Martin Scorsese and with the jittery bug-eyed Steve Buscemi in the lead this could only be good.

However, I couldn't help thinking of the 'Beer Baron' episode on The Simpson's. There is a character on Boardwalk Empire who looks based on Rex Banner!

"To alcohol. The cause of, and solution to all of life's problems."

One of the greatest episodes ever in my opinion.

Here it is in full. Picture is a bit ropey, but if you have twenty mins spare it's worth the eye-squinting.

2011-01-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

I'M ALIVE!!!!!!!

Apologies for the rubbish blogging but I've been washing my hair a lot lately and once the spell of the Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner casts it's spell on me I find it impossible to leave the shower as I am engulfed by a follicle orgasm...And DON'T get me started on my Magnum ice ceam time...jaysus shut the windows, pour a hot bath, phone off the hook (well on vibrate who owns a landline these days apart from the police and fire brigade??!?)

So, anyhoo I am still in existence on this planet Earth and for all my three readers (although this number has more than likely dropped to a half...thanks Mum I know your there for me ) I am truly sorry...although apologies are all over the news this week with the Scotsman and the hairy one from Sky Sports getting the sack over their untiring campaign work for Women's Rights.

Is it any surprise that a man who looks like a block of thick shit granite with a cough of blond spurt on top and a man so hairy that he needs not the use of gloves or even a shirt in the winter turn out to be ignorant bullies who think that acting like a kid in a playground who really fancies a girl but thinks the best way to get her to like him is to bully her and using chat-up lines that would be embarrassing in a school disco should be bumped off the telly?

The more I read about them the more I realise how hated they were by ALL the crew - male and female. No surprise how this stuff got leaked then.

Andy Gray has gone back to live in Bedrock. And, I hear Richard Keys has headed off for a twelve week 'Help With Hairy Hands' program at Saint Clabert's. ("I really shouln't be here!")

Here's a few vids that sum up the week:

Some classic Apres Match action:

Well I suppose they learned from the best:

Check out what I got up to last night!

2010-12-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

WELL OVER A MILLION HITS!

If you want to make this Christmas number 1 don't buy before the 17th December!

"Foreheads are the future kid!"

Please spare a thought for those less fortunate than us this Christmas. We can all do something to halt this horrific disease:

2010-12-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

The ice has been a nightmare up in Dublin with cars sliding all over the place and pedestrians involuntarily auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing On Ice on any pavement that hasn't been aided by a shaft of sun to bring it above minus ten.

However, none of it could even relate to the kind of snow our American cousins receive every year. Just check out this real-life car pinball on the streets of Portland, Oregon.

"Watch out!!!!!!!"

And what snow compilation would be complete without this guy!

Have they ever found out who he is?

2010-11-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

THE IMF ARRIVE IN IRELAND

"Don't give him any money Frank, he'll just drink it."

I read that Bill Clinton has a cameo in the Hangover 2. At this point I would like to suggest that Brian Cowen fulfill his acting ambitions and play the part of Slimer in the new Ghostbusters flick. If anything, it would get him the fuck out of government and let's face it, that is a part he was born to play.

Met a total legend last week. His name is Spike Jonze and he has directed some of the greatest music videos out there. From Fatboy Slim to The Beastie Boys to Bjork he has worked with some heavy hitters. He also directed Being John Malcovich, Adaptation and Where The Wild Things Are...plus he has been a producer on tons of projects most notanly Jackass. Here is me interview. By the way I was off my tits on coffee..It was a long day :-)

Just click on the pic:

If you missed my TV interview with Johnny Knoxville and Jeff Tremaine from Jackass. Check it out here:

Just click on this rather unusual pic of the Knoxville with his baby:

2010-10-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Thought For The Day:

Turn your back on Kippers. For whatever mental reason I bought kippers from Marks & Sparks the other day and the smell has not left the house. Jesus, its like being stuck in Paris Hilton's knickers :-/ Not a good place to be.

Anywho, speaking of fishy business. The Social Network is out this week and it is fantastic. Directed by David Fincher, the dude behind Fight Club and written by Mr West Wing, Aaron Sorkin. The result is a masterpiece. The subject of course is Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's father, or at least the one who snatched the child. His story is incredible and he is set to become the fastest Billionaire ever (I don't mean he can do a 100 meters in under ten secs, but he is fecking looooaaadddddeeedd!!!!) His personal worth is over $6 bn and he still lives in a two storey house that he reckons is too big!

Have a read before you see the movie. He is like a geeky James Bond baddie...unreal:

Just click on pic:

Banksy gets himself on The Simpsons, must have arrived in the studio with a bag over his head!

2010-10-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday John Lennon!

Well, that's what the world would have been saying if it hadn't been for a certain Mark David Chapman and an obsession with The Catcher in the Rye. That looney-tune deprived the world of one of the smartest, idiosyncratic, oddball geniuses who ever picked up the six string. He would have been 70 years old tomorrow. Would he have spent the day lying back in his armchair, pipe in hand reading about himself, or calling up Paul McCartney and farting down the receiver. We shall never know.

But, we can try.

Here's a very tongue-in-cheek bit I did on Lennon at 70.

Lennon at 70. A Day In The Life...if he lived.

Cheeky chappy!

And, if you've never seen this video it's a treat.
Danger Mouse from Gnarls Barkley remixed The Beatles White Album with Jay-Z's Black album and created...The Grey Album!
I think this is great. Check out "John Lennon" breakdancing:

2010-10-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

Here's me write up from meeting Howard Marks and Rhys Ifans on the roof of U2's hotel, The Clarence. Twas the morning after the night before and both were well oiled. Although, Ifans was pretty hammered, he was very funny and chatty...Enjoy!

Click on the pic innit!!!!

Controversial new VW Polo advert that Niall 'Nando' Breslain, he of The Blizzards threw this up on his Facebook page, so I have robbed it.

And while I was looking at that one, I found this. I know w=exactly how this kid feels and I think she single-handedly sums up most of the economic headlines being shoveled down our throats everyday :-( IN the words of that incredible (coughs) Belfast band D:Ream.."Thongs can only get better!!!!!!!!!" :-)

2010-10-01T03:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Yawl. The Joaquin Phoenix 'experiment' is out today. Did a little piece on 'I'm Still Here' for entertainment.ie. It's about Hollywood's approach to mental illness. They throw Oscars at people playing them, but if you really have a mental issue you become a leper. Have a read. Cheers.

"Dude, where's my career?"

Also, off to to see this comedy legend tonight at the o2. Can't wait :-)
And, for anyone who's ever been in the throes of love...this is for you!

Oh, and if you've seen the new movie Devil in the flicks. This is advertised as being from the "mind of M. Night. Shyamalan," well according to this clip here that could be a little lie from the man with the biggest ego in Hollywood:

2010-09-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Hellleeeewwww peeps :0 Did a little bit about Buried, the new Ryan Reynolds flick based entirely in a coffin. Tis actually pretty good, so I rehashed a piece I did on static movies, like Rear Window and Das Boot. Have a read if ye can me lovelies. Fank oooo x

Click on das pic yah!!!!!!!

2010-09-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

Jay Leno is not one to talk about having a fat head, but I agree with his final assessment...

So, to make you feel a little bit better or to feel more at home...here's a compilation of pissheads falling over and generally breaking the laws of physics on gravity:

Interesting comment on youtube regards this clip; "this shit is legal and weed isn't," which is true enough. Amazing really.

And on the weed theme I went to a screening of Mr Nice today. It's not Blow, but it is still pretty good. Interviewed Howard Marks on a couple of occasions and he is really a pretty sound man...gotta say though when I interviewed him first when I was in College he was smoking a Jamaican woodbine as we spoke...unlike Bill Clinton, I most certainly inhaled. Infact, Clinton was at Oxford when Marks was there and they reckon that William most probably smoked at one of his infamous parties..."I did not have sexual relations with that woman...or maybe I did dude, I can't remember!"

2010-09-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO KC & RACHEL

This week me aul partner in comedy crime Mr Keith Cunningham and his lovely lady Rachel gave birth to a stunning little legend called Robyn. Fair play to ye dude...and there's me thinking there was no bullets in the rifle! ;-)

Here's a cracking pic I robbed off his facebook. She already has a side parting. I'd say the ol' man is jealous of that thatch!

With all the Arthur's Day celebrations, Ray Foley turning 30, and Iran declaring WWIII, some people forgot that this week Bill Murray has been 60 years upon this earth. Here's a little reminder of this comedy genius:

Just Click on the Pic :-)

Eddie McCracken...One of the greatest comedy characters.

Been a while since I threw up some tunage. Here ye go:

2010-09-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

UP THE REBELS BIY!!!!!

What an incredible game. NOt the most beautiful football ever played on that hallowed turf but for the excitement it was hard to beat. Here are a few pics from my day at Croker. Now, Jaysus where's that Alka-Seltzer after last night I need it :-/

Cork footballers do a lap of honour after the game.

What a stadium!

Apparently they're now serving Burgers in the Men's jacks at Croke Park. "Ketchup Sir?" "Erm, no thanks" :-/

I never knew Dappy from N-Dudz was a GAA man!

Saw this Down fan on the way to the game. And, lads if ye think they're great legs you might want to rethink your new found appreciation for a Christian Loubiton shoe because the fan in "dis-dress" is a bloke!!

2010-09-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

Jaysus, I've been as bad as Brian Cowen on the morning of an interview with this Blog. Coughing and spluttering along throwing in every excuse imaginable, (I would have been keeping up with my blog if it wasn't for erm, just choose from one of the following...a) weather b). NAMA c). Itchy ballbags d). the dog ate it) I haven't been maintaining this little piece of 'Lennyland' very well...A little bit like his Government's attention to this country! So, here is a wee rundown of what I 've been up to recently:

Interviewed the director of new Irish thriller Savage.
It's pretty hardcore schtuff and I wouldn't bring your Granny, but as a piece of film it is incredible. On a tiny budget he has created something that looks like it cost ten times what
it cost. If you were to imagine singer Brian Kennedy turning into Travis Bickle off Taxi Driver then you're nearly there!

Have a read. Just click on the pic:

*Leave a comment if you can please. I know it's a balls to sign in but just throw in whatever you can looks good on the site. Really appreciate it thanks :-)

Up next is a piece I did with Nick Moran (More-ann if you're English!)...he will alwat=ys be known as the lead dude Eddie the card shark in Lock, Stock but he's been making his way
these days by getting behind the camera. This is the second movie he's directed and it is assured stuff...I spoke to him, co-star Con O' Neill and boxer Steve Collins in the same interview. It was like being a contestant (victim) on the X Factor...They bwere full of brilliant stories:

Just click on the pic:

Here's the man himself on set. "Oi get that fackin scene sawted naaahhhhhh"
Actually he was as sound as a pound. Real nice bloke.

In other news the legend that is Micheal O Muircheartaigh is retiring. My God I can't believe he's 80 years old. There's a few clubs around the country would probably still ID him! He hasn't a feckin wrinkle. But, in all the talk about him we've forgotten another commentating legend:

Mad Men is back on TV. Every Wed on BBC4. It's the third season of this excellent show and the politically incorrect shenanigans of the self-styled sales supermen on Madison Avenue in New York.I can think of at least two good reasons to check it out:

Giggidy giggidy goo!
Scientists take note: Please bottle this DNA.

...Oh and there's the fantastic acting and writing. Sorry, I gotb a bit distracted there...Here's a few of the Mad Men chauvinistsbest chat-up lines...

*Lads Beware: Use these on any of the ladies you speak to this weekend and you are guaranteed either a high heel facial decoration or a beer shampooing if you're lucky :-S

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2010-08-26T16:28:00.000-07:00

Edgar Wright Vs The World

The man behind the hilarious Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, and the cult comedy classic Spaced (if you've not seen it go buy the DVD now before arthritis seizes up your knuckles and you can't type it in Amazon..go buy go on...okay c'mon we'll both go...grab my hand...easy now) Well, I pressed my fingers on a keyboard and some shapes formed letters and shit to create my bit on Scott Pilgrim Vs The World!

Just click on the pic ye gorgeous bastards:

2010-08-20T03:26:00.000-07:00

C'MON THE REBELS!!!!

Huge game this weekend against the auld enema. I'm in enemy territory at the moment, so I feel like one of those Russian sleeper spies. If I can infiltrate the Dubs training camp I'll keep ye posted ;-)

Sorry, for the random entries on me blog at the moment. As you can imagine I am very busy at the the hedgehog sanctuary, and now I am under pressure to perform heart surgery on camels at the weekends, so I very am up the walls. But, I'm not complaining. Here's a few bits and pieces about what I'm up to at the moment.

Wrote a bit about The Expendables. It's the latest flick from Sly Stallone and he still proves at the age of 64 he can pop in the false teeth and false hip and kick ass with the youngest of them. Although, let's face it this cast has a combined age of the front row of a 'Priests' concert.

Will we soon be seeing Rambo: Nursing Home Vengeance: Part II?

See what I thought. Just click on the pic ;-)

And, if you missed about The Last Airbender. Have a butchers at my bit on M. Night Shyamalan. It seems that his middle name rhymes with the general consensus on his latest movie:

The Prem kicked off last week. So, to celebrate here is a compilation of some of the most controversial interviews with Managers. Mick McCarthy reveals why he got his meat and two veg out on the sideline. Shocking!

Some recent photos from 'Lenny's Laughable Leanings on Life' or just some flipping pics that I thought might amuse!

Can you believe the She-Wolf herself makes an appearance in my local Indian takeaway on a regular basis. "Ooh jiggle that jalfrezi Shakirs!"

Here's a blast from the past. It's a pic I took in New York of a shop that does Tattoos & Piercing which is fairly self-explanatory. The mask on the right is not.

Here's a close-up. I believe it is some kind of 'Gimp-Bong'. NOw, how do you explain that purchase on the Laser card :-/

"Is it a bird, is it a plane? NO, it's camouflage man!"

2010-08-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

Time for some Tap!

If you're a fan of big bottoms then this is for you ;-P

2010-08-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

AISLING O LOSTLING SPEAKS OF HER PAIN

If you saw the front page of the Irish Daily Mail today you will have seen the pixie wan from Xpose completely Xposing herself as she recalls the torment and pain at seeing a group set up on Facebook to get her off the tv. She blubbed through tears: "I was totally devastated when I saw the page. I'm only human and I have feelings too. It was like a knife through my heart. I've had a few knocks in my life and I am supposed to have a thick skin in this industry but it still really hurts. I couldn't sleep when I saw those comments. " I had to grab the tissues as I continued. So, Aisling what heinous, spiteful poisonous things were those evil bastards saying about you...it's okay you can tell me. "pixie hair and manky outfits." Okay, that's a knife in the heart. And, how many of those evil-doers were in this group...one, two...ten thousand...oh Jesus. "65 people who joined that page" HOLD ON. 65 people were in the group. Six Tee Five? Wow, that's front page news right there.

My prayers and the thoughts of the nation are with you today, Aisling. And, just to celebrate your stand here is a clip of your fine work (pre-pixie look) as you interviewed the Pussycat Dolls. How the cameraman didn't collapse in a fit of giggles I do not know.

I still think it looks like a box on wheels, but the advert is the funniest out there at the moment:

2010-08-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

"Ladies and Gentlemen, last orders at the bar, please!!"

Well, it's a Royal Rumble of sorts. No, steroid raging tanorexics in underpants. This rumble involves the biggest movies in the cinema at the moment.

Get ready to get your head box-officed in!

It's Box Office Royal Rumble: Twilight v Toy Story 3 v The A-Team v Karate Kid

Just click on the pic to see who wins.

Some more random pics I have taken recently and a few I dusted
off and pulled out of my curiosity drawer!

Fancy a shoe-bath in this huge Jimmy Choo?! I bought a Doc Marten sink,
it's fucking rubbish the water just comes out the holes...

Oh, that's just me and Optimus Prime. He showed me how transform and this is what happened -

Radio Ga-Ga? Not quite what I expected.

Me and a couple of the heads out on the tear. Ah, the good ol' days.

2010-07-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Finally got to see Inception! I think someone planted something in my head while I was asleep and encouraged me to go along. Now, that's what I call Marketing. I joke, but they will probably develop Inception like advertising scenarios very soon...I can see slick haired individuals with dollar signs for eyeballs rubbing their grubby hands going, "Man we could make fucking millions all we gotta do is get into people's dreams like in the movie!!" For now we will have to do with Magazines, Bus stops, and really ropey adverts on TV and in the Cinema...If I hear that fucking Heathers song on the Irish tourist advert I will hunt down any leprechaun or sheep featured in the ad and kidnap them until it is stopped!! Please stop that song, because I really do want to get away from it...my head is melted :-(

In other news...here's a little bit on Inception.

Just click on the pic.

Hope you like.

And if you have seen the movie and was as confused as i was about dreaming within dreams within dreams within...sorry...here's Dora The Explorer to explain it all!

2010-07-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

ONE OF MY LAST ARANMAN BLOG POSTS!!!

Aranman's Final Fantasy: Post 18

Booooooohoooooo :-(

(Don't cheer ye bastards ;-)

So, the orange men will march on Soccer City stadium, Johannesburg for the final of the FIFA 2010 World Cup final hoping for a stand-off against the Spanish. We will know when that final whistle blows whether it will be the sound of wooden clogs clomping or castanets clapping that will attempt to drown out the drone of the vuvuzelas. That skinny plastic trumpet has become the soundtrack for the past four weeks and has sent many (especially those who remortgaged the kid's education on the tv system) into the E.N.T. dept. at the local hospital and diagnosed with TT or 'Tournament Tinnitus.'

Read more, just click on the pic:

Tea, anyone? Cheeky.

It's been a while since I posted some pics, so to give a little idea about what has been catching the eyes of my mind recently (when not hiding in my wheelie-bin), here is a rundown on some randoms:

My local newsagent is living in the Past.

Advert I saw in a Magazine for holidays in Israel. Don't forget your suntan lotion, passport, oh and a bullet-proof vest if you have one.

This Greek player had a rather fruity nasty sex experience with sheep before he got on the pitch. I thought that was just reserved for Kerrymen. I remember seeing a rather flustered Pat Spillane emerge after half-time in a Munster Final with that hanging out his pants!

Sorry about this one, I tried turning it and saved it again but the BASTARD keeps coming up like this! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

Anywho, it'll give your neck a workout. Watch out it's the 'Pops Police.' Gang members are running around shooting each other in the head. Drunk, and drugged up junkies prowl some city street...but at least we know the spuds are safe...aaaahhhhhhhh I'll sleep better now. It's the Ted and Dougal of the Gardai:

And, Lord help us if you're like me and you have only seen this now, please beware. I nearly died. It's about 2:06 into the clip and fair play man they carry on. "Hey, John are you like okay" "Oh yeah Edward, do I fucking like look okay ye c*nt!" Some people wake up from these kind of scenarios they don't.

2010-07-05T08:38:00.001-07:00

ARANMAN GETS A SEMI.

WORLD CUP POST 17.

It's got Paul Daniels, Ronaldo's baby, Germantina and loads more!

Just click on the pic:

2010-06-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

2010-06-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

LE FIN.

2010-06-19T04:54:00.000-07:00

Aranman: 'Anyone but the French' World Cup Diary: Post 10

Did you watch the England game last night? My God, they're a disaster waiting to happen (or happened). Check out my blog from last night. Just click on the pic. Cheers:

Fabio Capello does a very passable impression of Benny Hill's character Fred Scuttle.

2010-06-18T10:46:00.001-07:00

Adolf ain't happy about the Vuvuzelas!

I know this has been flogged to death at this stage but this one is actually very funny:

2010-06-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

VIVA LA MEXICO!!

Report from the game, Spanish goalkeeper gets into trouble with his sport's reporting girlfriend and a little bit of Rodrigo Y Gabriela. Ola!

Just click on the pic, ye gorgeous feckers:

Also, last week I went to see a brilliant Irish made documentary called His and Hers. I thought it was absolutely fantastic and a change from all the popcorn flicks doing the rounds at the moment. It's about 70 women in The Midlands interviewed about their Fathers, Sons, Brothers, and Fiancés. It's a real slice of Irish life and made me howl with laughter as well as being very poignant. Treat yourself and go along if you can.

I interviewed the Director Ken Wardrop for Entertainment.ie. Have a read here. Just click on the pic. (Warning: It contains a reference to Margaret Thatcher, but don't worry there's also a Novena Prayer!)

2010-06-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

The Musical Magician...McCartney continues to have tricks up his sleeve.

Strawberry Fields? Well, not quite. It was the RDS Arena in Dublin. Have been a massive fan of The Beatles since I was a wee fella in short pants (no, that wasn't last week!) dancing around in me front room to Obi-de-obli-da, Yellow Submarine and Get Back. Although my oldest brother also treated me to the pop warblings of Phil Collins and Genesis! (Gotta say I still have a soft spot for Invisible Touch and Sussudio ;-) Never got into Macca's solo stuff and can't say I was a massive fan of Wings either. I always believed that John Lennon gave us Imagine, Paul McCartney gave us the Mull Of Kintyre and the Frog Song :-S However, he co-wrote some of the greatest and most timeless albums ever committed to the human ear. Those tracks will stand up for centuries.

Saturday night he proved his icon status, especially playing acoustic solo versions of Blackbird followed by Here Today, a song he wrote about everything he wanted to say to Lennon before he died. The place was hushed and enthralled....apart from some Ralph Lauren wearing f*cking nattering nannies behind me. They soon shut up. It was a privilege to experience such a class act. And as the show finished up he blasted out a medley of brilliant Beatles classics like my personal fave A Day in the Life, George Harrison's Something, which Macca started with a ukulele and then burst into guitar! This was followed by a finale of Live and Let Die which brought the crowd to the sky. I didn't expect the fireworks. Watch the clip and towards the end look at the screen as he holds his fingers in his ears...very funny, great craic. Sample line to crowd: "You're probably wondering why we keep changing guitars? Well, we have so many we love to show them off!"...This guy will be playing into his eighties...well I suppose he has to pay for Mill's bionic legs! ;-P

Blackbird...one of my favourite tracks and as McCartney revealed he wrote this for the Civil Rights movement in America in the 60s. Enjoy :-)

Here Today, his tribute to John Lennon:

2010-06-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

ARANMAN IS AT THE WORLD CUP!

The 'cardigan correspondent' will be reporting on all the behind-the-scenes action from all the 56 games. Sweating through the heat of the South African climate, but kept warm in the cold nights by his woolly armour, Aranman has one month to avoid getting himself into trouble, giving the lowdown on the World Cup, and not letting his jumper unravel!

His first wire has been sent. He has infiltrated the England camp hiding in Peter Crouch's kit-bag, and after that failed he dressed as a WAG but this led to him beating off the advances of 'The English squad's Quagmire' Ashley Cole who has been dry humping the walls, beds and anything that moves! Just click on the picto link to Aranman's Diary. BEWARE: IT CONTAINS EAMON DUNPHY AND SOME UNSAVOURY TRANNY SHEEP BEHAVIOUR.

PLUS:

Top Five Worst Soccer Movies You Never Heard Of!

2010-06-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

World Cup is nearly here!... I know I know, I won't state the obvious. So, to take our minds off the obvious, here is an advert from Nike called 'Write The Future.' It has Rooney looking like Groundsman Willie, Drogba actually missing the net, and Ronal-D'oh...One problem. It looks really cheap...Yeah Right...looks like it had the budget of a small African nation!

2010-05-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

SEX AND SOME PITY...PLEASE!!!!!!

I decided to become a 'Heel's Angel' doing my movie review with KC on TodayFM last night.

It's been a bizarre head melting couple of days. On Thursday night I went to see the darkest Scottish man on the planet at the moment (and that's saying something) the suited scary hairy Frankie Boyle at Vicar Street. No relation to Susan, but as he said himself you have to go someway to be a virgin in Scotland and when you look like Gordon Brown/Mrs Doubtfire that's always going to be a possibility. Although, I can't help feeling that Subo couldn't give a flying haggis filled ballbag as she looks at her bank account. (that takes me onto the whole BEAUTY or RICH debate...well face like a rusty shovel but loads a cash or no money and you look like an extra in SATC) We'll come back to that. Just wanna say thanks to Jose for the tickets you legend. Frankie doesn't so much as step over the line but takes a running jump and leaps into the darkside. He is more like a reporter from the region of our brain that we don't want other people to see (don't get me started on the voices :-S) Anywho, so yes I went to see Boyler and he was very funny, but could have tailored his act more for an Irish audience (his parents are from Donegal for fucksake!) but he was funny and scary. Whenever he walked to one side of the stage all the audience on the other side used the opportunity to go to the toilet, it was hilarious seeing a wave of cross-legged ladies and gentleman erupt from their seats!

And to follow the most bizarre 24 hours I've had in a while, I got invited to the press screening of Sex and the City 2. You can read all about it here or just click on the pic above. There is a particular scene with Liza Minelli doing the Beyonce Single Ladies routine...I nearly crawled into the fold of the cinema seat. However, there is also a wet t-shirt scene with Charlotte's really hot Irish Nanny (played by an English actress with the worst Oirish, be-jaysus and the hooly hoo attempt at an accent i have ever heard, but she has big boobs and that's what got her the part!) They threw that in for the lads to stop them chewing their arms off while viewing.

I have a theory and will upon investigation be proved right. Sarah Jessica Parker is a product of love between Ruud Van Nistlerooy and Shirley Temple Bar (yer man who used to do the Telly Bingo on TV). I can prove it. Here is the evidence:

TOLD YE!

BTW - If you want to win yourself a 3DTV and are willing to have a laugh by dressing up as one of the SATC girls then check this out - SATC 3DTV Competition

Ahhh, but there is a catch...Sheena wants the BLOKES to do it. It seems she was inspired by my high heels prancing on the radio last night. Now, I gotta choose a dress...I'm defo going with the Samantha look...I'm such a slut!!!

Below is a collection of some of some of Frankie Boyle's darkest moments. Be warned he takes no prisoners.

2010-05-21T05:04:00.000-07:00

As those Goth rockers that look like they've been pulled through a hedge backwards The Cure might say...FRIDAY...I'M IN LOVE!!!!!!!!

Yes, it's Friday and the sun is out wahey! Can't wait to get some vitamin D into me bones this weekend. If you're heading anywhere have a top one.

However, before I go any further I must apologise for my lack of bloggage this week. In order to make up for this disgraceful upset on my part I have chosen three of the best little mental freaky funny cat slap arse banjo shit streaking great viewing reading ting bits you could feasibly experience on this rolling ball of greena and blue we call planet earth.

So, today I bring forth to the altar of weirdness, Twin Freaks, Dinosaur Sex (they reckon a T-Rex had a nob the size of a tall tree. Methinks when the little creatures thought it was snowing, infact the T-Rexs were just getting it on :-S), and finally the Lord himself has returned with a brand new Xtreme sport called Liquid Mountaineering. They run across water like JC himself. There's no mention of loaves and fishes, but I can see some fellas trying this down the Lough over the weekend!

These mental looking Plastic freaks are called The Bogdanov Brothers. Celebrities in France, they were pictured recently at the Cannes Film Festival. They are friends of Tom Cruise, have created a new version of the Big Bang and have the worst plastic surgery I have seen in my life. I did a bit about them in Bigscreen in my Cannes Blog. It's got cows, twin freaks, Liam Gallagher pitching a movie about The Beatles without The Beatles...

Just click on the pic:

Thar he blows!!! If that Dino looks happy grab your umbrella. Also, interestingly Crocodiles have small winkles. Remember that the next time you battle one of those mean bastards. "You might be biting me in half, but you still have a small cock ya scaly bollocks!"

And finally, Liquid Mountaineering. Why Mountaineering I have no idea when clearly they're running, but hey wha' can ye do huh?!

Real or no Real? I'll leave it up to you:

2010-05-17T05:59:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MONDAY

I've heard of putting your foot in your mouth, but this guy takes it to a whole new level. Imagine Brian coming out with this one:

2010-05-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord...watch through your eyes :-(

I remember years ago when i was a wee boy...You know when Wham bars were a metre long, you could buy fags as long as you were over three foot tall, Dallas was all the rage, a cat eating Alien with a Brooklyn accent called Alf infiltrated our screens, shoulder pads were used as standing platforms for midgets (that's where Oasis got the album name Standing on the Shoulders of Giants..ummm bet ye didn't know that eh?!). Well, one other thing that I remember from my days evolving in the 80s was a thing called a Yo-Yo. I have no Yo-Yo stories, although I did manage to give myself a black eye once and nearly lost the ability to have children (although I have yet to see if they are actually still in working order...does wanking count?) *coughs* erm... when I swung hard and foolishly damaging my pills for a week. So, I was thrilled to find this video of a guy who is known as the Yo-Yo Master...a Yo-Yo Yoda if you will and when he appearted recently on American TV I was inspired...as I hope you will be:

Jaysus, if you thought that was cringe inducing...dive behind the sofa for this one. And, men I would advise you NOW to get ready to cross your legs. How hard can you kick a man in the nuts? Welcome to the greatest TV show ever made. Sports Science: World Record Kick to the Groin. Get Ready to go Soprano :-(

And, when you have wiped the tears away from your cheeks check out my bit on Robin Hood. It's got loads on the movie and some clips from my favourite Hoods in TV history.

Just click on the pic

2010-05-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

Chris Morris has already unleashed his Four Lions. And, if you haven't seen that comedy of terrors yet, then go check it out now! Difficult subject matter to deal with, but he has never been one of those to shy away from controversy. Just think of it as Dad's Army in the Mujahadeen, or even if Osama Bin Laden got a band together and filmed their exploits on handicam ...like a kind of This Is Spinal Terrorism and you have the idea. Anywho, he is one of my comedy heroes and here is why...

Here is a collection of clips from his earlier exploits in The Day Today and Brass Eye. Two shows that were co-written by Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews, the legends behind Father Ted. The day Today also launched the career of Steve Coogan, as the mental chat show host Alan Partridge:

If anyone is as old as me. Test: Do you think Wham and Lions bars were WAY bigger back then? Yes. Okay, we can continue. You will know what this sketch is all about, and if you didn't ride a Penny Farthing when you were a child i'll explain. Whenever the UK news had audio of Gerry Adams they weren't legally allowed to broadcast it, so they had an actor dub over his voice. I know, fucking ridiculous. Although, when they changed the law many a poor actor who did a mean Belfast accent went hungry:

WAR!!!! This sums it up really:

Seen as it's a World Cup year can someone PLEASE sign Alan Partridge up to do the commentary!

"Twaaaaaaaaat. That was liquid football!!!!"

2010-05-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

I LOVE BALLS!

NOT the salty ones that Chef crooned about on South Park, but only the ones that come with an invitation, free booze and a goodie-bag. Last Thursday myself and Sheena popped along to the Cinema Ball at the Four Seasons Hotel in Ballsbridge Dublin. As you can imagine the place is a total shit-hole, my God we were so embarrassed when we crawled up to the door in our Bentley Convertible and realised the state of the joint. Luckily, Sheena actually got some invites because I was intending on disguising myself as an ice sculpture and then sliding into the crowd unnoticed when I melted. Not a great plamn though if I have to spend the rest of the night explaining my wet patch. Anywho, it was an annual event that celebrates all the craic with cinema in this country. Most of the major distributors were there from Paramount to Fox, Producers, and Movie luvvies and then me. "Oh hi, my name's Mark from Bigscreen." Blank reply. "Ooh okay, that's great I'm just going to stand over here now with someone important." Well, it wasn't quite that bad but still intimidating. I have social tourettes in those kind of situations and just wanna dance on the table or do slide air guitar across the dancefloor taking out as many unfortunates as possible. Speaking of the music. This fantastic 80s band played in the after show. I think they're called 'Spring Break' but they were excellent, and shock, horror, they're led by DAVE MAC. If you don't believe me check out the pics:

Don't Give up the Dave Job. Go on the Mac.

Purple Haze. Meself and Sheena bathed in a purple glow. It was a tuxedo for the men. And, a button decided to fly off mine before the night even got started. Check your stitching the next time you go to Black Tie, it could be your pants! :-S

I Bet that you look good on the dancefloor. It was a 1920s theme so all the ladies had feathers in the hair, flowy dresses and pearl necklaces....ooh er.

My first ever Goodie-bag. Well, apart from the one I got at Tommy Sullivan's eight birthday, which included a sponge cake forced in by his Mother that covered and nearly ruined the Sherbet Dib-Dab. Crazy woman.

Wind-Power! This dude had his own wind machine on stage. F*cking legend!

And the song that I was singing the next THREE FECKING DAYS:

In Other News:

Let me welcome you to the inaugural, 'Aranman's Pointless Nearly End of Season Premiership Players Awards type thingy'

Just click on the pic:

And go to see the new Chris Morris movie Four Lions. It is excellent and a brilliant achievement for such a difficult subject matter to mine for comedy. Wrote a bit on Bigscreen.

Just click on the pic:

2010-04-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

ROOSTER RE-INCARNATION!

"Hey Lenny, did you drop that? It f*cking hums" "Yep. Good to be back"

So, there was a little Rooster reunion (I would say re-incarnation but I'll come back to you on that one) of a kind on Thursday night when the tall guy invited me onto his new show to chat about movies. It was fantastic to get back in the seat and throw on the old ear cans, but I have to admit I was really nervous! It's very strange when you have been doing the same thing for a number of years and you enter the comfort zone that nothing can seem to throw you, unless f course it's me moaning to KC about why the f*ck there isn't a working clock in the RedFM studio etc. (Christ, we had to rely on the computer clock for about a year and that kept jumping forward and back. Hot Tub Time Machine? just try Red Studio Time Machine..sure why would you want a clock in a radio studio :-S) Although, talking at night is a hell of a lot easier than falling out of bed after reluctantly removing yourself by caesarian section and holding onto the bed sheet like an umbilical chord. I hope you were able to check out Thursday night and we are hoping to make it a regular slot on the show and we'll go from there :-)

Jah Bless me brethren and here's to the future and tings!

If you have a chance please check out my latest Aranman.
Just click on the pic:

Apart from the fact that I'm hawking for hits ;-) There's a reason why I picked Lady Airbags above for my Aranman pic. She is a high class hooker involved in a scandal with a number of top French football players, who didn't realise she wasn't her real age...WHOOPS!!!!!

Also, I was chatting on TodayFM with KC about a brand new movie starring David Duchovny and Demi Moore called The Joneses. It's a really smart, funny piece of satire that's not too taxing and worth checking out. I did a piece about it on Bigscreen and talked about the amazing lengths companies will go to sell us their wares. Unbelievably, Pixie Geldof is supposed to have been paid 10,000 Euro by a vitamin water company who wanted her to be seen strolling around Glastonbury clutching a bottle of their brand!

Just click on the pic:

Did anyone see Jonathan Ross on Friday. One of the funniest interviews I've seen in a long time. Here's a wee clip of Louie Spence from Pineapple Dance Studio on Sky One. I highly recommend it for a Sunday night viewing. He is mental!

2010-04-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

SWINGERS!

In a week that saw me reach the pinnacle of my life, I met Crystal Swing, saw Trevor Welsh appear on 30 Rock, witness Anthony Kiedis off the Red Hot Chili Peppers read the RTE news, and see how relations between Scotland and Iceland are worse than ever:

"That Linny has an awful smell off him"

Well, Jaysus that was the week that was and it wasn't that is and it isn't and sure twas only da t'internet sensation of the moment that I schtumbled into while I was paying a visit to me old partner in crime KC. Truth be told, I have been hanging around outside in the alleyway wheelie-bins, like Oscar the Grouch for the past three days and it wasn't until someone was making a delivery that I sneaked in and hid in KC's desk until he offered a tour of the station. Luckily, I scrubbed up and removed any banana skins from my shoulders and syringes from my knees. CRystal Swing had just appeared on the Ray D'Arcy show and were waiting in the lobby so myself and Keith slid over for a few pics. After seeing the young lad going ninety with his knees on the Late Larte and Ellen I swear he's on a level with Keano and will need replacements in about two years...from hucklebucked to hucklef*cked!

I also stumbled into Radio Roy himself, the very talented Gift Grub aka Mario Rosenstock:

"Now, there's a funny fecker. Oh, and yer man from Gift Grub!"

What a surprise to see TV3's very own Trevor Welsh appear on one of my favourite shows 30 Rock during the week.

As if Trevor wasn't enough of a shock, the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers turned up to do the late night news on RTE2! Christ on a bike, I half expected Ann Doyle to leap out with straddling a drum kit with Brian Dobson launches himself naked across the studio holding a bass aloft like a Montrose Flea.

The Latest Aranman: This week, it's more about the Island Feshtival, Rage Against the Machine, Crystal Swing, Giant Lego Man, Hucklebucking, and the Simian Gareth Bale.

Just click on the pic.

Ther Volcano crisis has been solved!

2010-04-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

OK, YOU C*NTS. HAVE YOU KICKED-ASS YET!?

Click on the pic:

2010-04-09T04:52:00.000-07:00

BITS & PIECES FROM MY LIFE IN THE PAST WEEK:

Saw this in a bookshop in London. Greatest book title ever:

I wonder if George Lucas has tried to sue the Euro shop for copyright:

And Tiger may be out of the Woods and can cement his comeback with a stunning win.Unfortunately Tiger, you are still in our thoughts, and especially for those in the sex toy industry:

MY HERO OF THE WEEK...

"Check oot dis reet maad bastad who is gunna like puut on as many pants as he canna like" (sorry that's just my pathetic attempt at a Geordie accent) Introducing Geordie Pantsman who made a new Guinness World Record for wearing the most pants------- 211! I hope he didn't intend on pulling after the record...them's a lot of pants to pull off :-S

Speaking of Geordies...

Did anyone check out The Pacific last Monday? Cost over $200 million bucks and if your a fan of Band of Brothers then yoiu will definitely dig it. Wrote a bit on it during the week for Entertainment.ie. Just click on the pic:

Also went to see a screening of new JRM and Julianne Moore flick Shelter, and jaysus it was not what I was expecting...the Corkman definitely has a career in comedy ahead of him. He is completely miscast and still retains that stupid walk :-S

Did a bit on it for bigscreen.ie. Just Click on the Pic:

2010-04-01T11:59:00.001-07:00

SOME FUNNY QUOTES THAT A MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

"Vienna Boys’ Choir caught up in sex abuse scandals…Special Report from Roger Boyes, Berlin Correspondent of The Times" - Headline from the Times newspaper with the most inapropriately titled Journalist chosen to cover the story.

"I was very shocked considering the Africa shooting. His fashion choice is tasteless. It's inappropriate for him to promote guns as 'cool'."- Emmanuel Adebayor, shows why he has a very short memory after attending a 50 Cent gig in Manchester sporting a dark grey shirt with a white pistol across its front. Only a few months after witnessing a machine gun attack on his team bus at African Nations Cup. D’oh.

"You get to the point where you think, 'Okay, I look like a transvestite now" - Robert “I’m a laydee” Pattinson, on his overplucked brows and sparkled face in Twilight. Just be sure to watch your back, David Walliams is sure to pounce.

And my favourite quote of the week:

"I can’t bear to tell the director. I’m a producer; I’ve got a thick skin but, well, she’s a creative. We must have broke a new record for grosses." - Jana Edelbaum, producer of movie Motherhood starring Uma Thurman, which broke box office records with the lowest opening weekend for any movie in the UK. It made £9 on it’s debut Sunday. Meaning ONE person bothered to see it! Next time Uma, stick a yellow jumpsuit on. Or better still - paint yourself blue.

2010-03-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

CLASH OF THE TITANS

3D OR 3D'OH?

Got invited to a screening the other day. Yes, I know... "Oh so loike i got invited to a screening wot!" Well, it's actually more to do with the fact that i need to fill up my days (have you seen About A Boy the only movie where I haven't wanted to punch Hugh Grant squarely in the face with a lump hammer and REALLY give him a fucking stutter. It's a bit like the main dude in that who has each day broken into segments) and therefore it's a nice distraction from touching myself. I'm concerned because a load of movies are going to throw on the attachment "3D" onto EVERYTHING just because of the success of Avatar. I can't wait for Sex in the City 2 with people in the cinema ducking from flying stilettos and any point Sarah Jessica Parker decides to turn her face and launch her honk at the audience.

Have a read just click on the pic:

"What did you f*cking say about my skirt!?"

2010-03-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

What the hell is on John McCririck's mouth!? Has he been trying it on with the horses? :-S

Horseplay! How the hell was he allowed on tv with those monsters on his lip!

PICS FROM MY LIFE IN THE LAST WEEK

Sorry for being so shite updating the Blog but have given myself a good bating round the head with a large fig roll so my penance has been paid...I hope ;-)

Dya think I might have overdressed for Paddy's Day?

I don't think TK Maxx understand the whole St. Patrick's Day sale thing.
Jeez, I wonder why those mugs are on the clearance shelf :-/

Finally some decent graffitti! Some young Banksy makes some telling changes to this Westshite poster I saw at a Dart station. Why can't all vandalism be this inspired?

N.B. - Kian has also been given gonads...awwwwwww

MORE INSPIRED GRAFFITTI! -

I think i'm gonna have to create a whole new section:

Spotted this piece of woodland art as I went for a bit of a hike the other day. Now, is it true you can tell the age of a tree by counting the rings? Or is that a cock and balls story? Ummmm

Picture of me new apartment. Do you like it? Obviously, i'm very security conscious with the shotgun..."Ain't no damn der no good varmin gooner steal me god naggit knickers...YE HA!!!"

Poster Seen in a Men's toilet? WTF? And where the hell has that saddle disappeared to? :-S

Pat Butcher would be proud!! Little bit of vandalism I did myself on our last day! :-P I think I look very fetching...erm I said "fetching" not "feltching". Although, it is a look that suggests i'm into some strange late night activities!

2010-02-27T02:43:00.000-08:00

WEEK ONE ON PLANET UNEMPLOYED

As Richie Kavanagh, the great Irish singer/songwriter once said, “There’s a hen schtuck up me arse, and I’ve not a place to sit, but if I ate enough I’ll soon need a…” Okay, so I made that up and it has absolutely no relevance whatsoever to my blog. But, since I left RedFM I have been ingesting copious amounts of hallucinogens and have been listening to the strangest music. Rummaging under my bed I found some old bootleg recordings of The Rolling Stones featuring Richie Kavanagh, Live at the Bipolar Goose in Carlow: One Night Only Kavanagh rips it up on ‘Satisfaction,’ spinning it into a touching ballad about an unwilling sheep. In my free time I also managed to purchase a small farm of mini animals from someone in China on Ebay. I can finally kick-start my attempt to interfere in evolution and create my own style of creatures. Imagine a mini-horse with a mole’s head or a hen with a mackerel. I see him running around with the hen claws flying up and the fish head bobbing along. To me it’s genius - think about it: hen + fish = eggs = caviar = black-market =Lenny f*cking loaded). Just an extension of The Simpson's parody of The Island Of Doctor Moreau, I will have to apply for an animal licence.

Really though, I have been reprising my role as “crime fighting street smart steel fisted superhero, “SuperLen” standing up for the little man, ready to destroy the evil one, also known as Fianna Fail.” Okay, so that is also a lie. It just involved me running around Blarney, my underpants on outside me jeans, with a bed sheet tied around me neck, a severe warning from the Guards kinda put an end to that.

Look, it just hasn’t been very exciting since I turned off the alarm clock and reintroduced myself to my bed. Well, we actually renewed our vows during the week and I have promised to spend more time with her…abandoning poor Beddy at the hour of, “Jesus Christ is that the time aaraaarrrggggghhhhh” has left her with many scars that only sleep can heal. So, the most shocking thing I can reveal is that under close interrogation my Father admitted to having watched the Gilmore Girls. Yes, I know, I also required one of those power-hose showers that you get when you enter prison. Erm, not that I have ever spent time in prison, but I did play a few criminal records when I was at Red. *coughs* Jesus, tough crowd.

Okaaaay, so I need to spend this time off polishing my comedy skills, I’m aware of that, but having this amount of sedative sleep has had an almost tranquilizing effect on my brain. So much so, that I treated myself to an app for my iPhone (yes, I am one of those nobbers who engage with other users and discuss “hey, like what apps do you have uh huh?!” Well, I prefer the term iTwat) The App is called ‘Sleep Cycle,’ and it is supposed to “wake you in your lightest phase of sleep.” This involves placing the phone at the top of the bed on the mattress, and throughout the night it reads how many times you turn etc. to work out your individual pattern. When you wake in the morning it gives you a graph of how you slept. It’s pretty cool, but I am still at the stage where I don’t know if it’s future world Stephen Hawking style genius, or just complete wankery. I wonder if everyone's graph is the same! The jury is out. I'd be really impressed if it could actually record dreams and play them back to you. Apart from the saucy ones, I think some of them would never encourage you to get under the covers again. I would call it ‘Never Sleep’ and sell it to Breakfast Show Presenters.

So, that’s about it. Crazy I know. And, if you got THIS far, thanks a million, and Jaysus be to God, get yourself a scourer for the eyes!

I will be keeping this blog for any that are interested and will also be continuing to fulfil my duties to entertainment.ie, by writing my irregular and irrelevant column called Aranman: The Footballing Philanthropist. This week’s segment features the Terry/Bridge fiasco and Barry Scott from the Cillit Bang adverts – check it out here

And on top of that I will also be writing some bits and pieces and features on the movies or fillums, here at – bigscreen.ie

Please have a gander at my latest post - NOT SO SILENT BOB

So, don’t be a stranger. Get me on Facebook and in your local Confessional Box.

And, don't forget to tune into KC's debut on Today FM on Monday night. He has a tough act to follow, I was a massive fan of Tony Curtis so he better be good ;-)

Jah Bless Me Brethren,

Talk Soon,

Lenny Longballs

2010-02-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

LEAVING LAS VEGAS (well RedFM)

Okay, now make like a tree and leave!!!

Heading from the studio for the last time.

LAST DAY :-(

FOR OUR LAST DAY KC SAID WE WOULD DO A 'BAD SHIRT' THEME...I OBVIOUSLY BELIEVED HIM...AARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH

*cue the Hawaii 5-0 music*

I'm after getting a very big head working on the show all these years:

I paid particular attention to the crotch grabbing.

"Lenny, this is your RedFM Life" Bossman Colm does his best Eamon Andrews impression!

"And, don't you dar darken these f*cking doors again...do ye hear me!"

TEAM PHOTO!!!!!!!!!!

On the last day of the Rooster, the Blue Bubble of Love comes to the rescue. Yes, everyday for the last four years I have had to take a continuopus stream of abuse from KC about driving me lovely Micra...and what happens yesterday, HIS BATTERY GOES DEAD cos the clem left his lights on. Up steps the Micra, pulls up her schkirt and he has to apply the jump leads.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE TEXTS, TALK, FUN AND LAUGHTER WE HAVE HAD OVER THE YEARS. WE WERE AMAZED AT ALL THE GOOD WISHES ON TEXT TODAY. GOOD LUCK AND THANKS AGAIN :-)

KC is off to Today FM, but i will be lying low for a while enjoying some lie-ins and doing a wee bit of writing on my Blog, some movie fetures on the movie website bigscreen.ie
and a few other bits and pieces that I will be keeping you all up to date with ...if you're interested!!

Time for a song and I want to play something that best describes my time on the show and a song that really gets me right here *clenches fist to chest* ENJOY:

IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT EPISODE!!!!!!!

2010-02-18T03:41:00.001-08:00

2010-02-17T03:59:00.000-08:00

ROONEY LEADS THE WAYNE!

It was all about the Roonster last night, as the 'Scouse Mighty Mouse' bagged two goals in one of the most exciting and ridiculous games I have seen in a long time. Milan should have been three up by half time, but as me Mammy used to say, "if you don't finish you won't get your reward" If you didn't know my Mother was Head Coach at Blarney Celtic, then spent five seasons at Roma, so she knows all about Italian play...Weeelll, okay she was talking about me dinner, but hey it works on the same level. Although, if Posh was watching last night, she probably choked on her daily chip. "DAVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!" And, wasn't Paul Scholes' goal an example of clinical finishing, they practice that move in training every day *coughs*

I have a theory of my own. Check out this picture of Beckham in some pre-training before last night. Notice the huge GREEN THING in the background. That's Godzilla, and he's one big, angry, mutha f*cka. He also happens to be a United fan and watched the game looking in over the stands. Milan had about ten shots on goal...only scored two. Go figure.

"Score, and I'll eat yeah....RROOAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR"

And finally, did you hear the one about the Elephant, the Mutt and the Orangutan? Well, you're about to:

2010-02-15T22:23:00.001-08:00

ROONEY'S LITTLE BRO GETS SOME AD ACTION

It's AC Milan versus Manchester United tonight in the Champions League. You can catch the game on TV3. Bear in mind that the Brit Awards are on UTV, so there could be many TV wars across the country tonight. My eyes will be locked like a sniper sight on the San Siro where a certain Brand Beckham will be playing against the club that created the advertising phenomenon. He's bound to float one or a hundred long balls across midfield but I gotta feeling, a bit like the Black Eyed Peas that he will get sent off. This will be due to him trying too hard in front of Fergie, (ooh another B.E.P. reference) like a kid who wants to prove his Dad wrong for letting him go. However, I think most eyes will be on The Rooney. Beckham described him last week as the "best striker around right now," so we'll have to see if he's proved right. So, instead of Wayne getting all the attention tonight let's spare a thought for his little brother Graham, who is trying to get in on a little of his big bro's limelight. Aaahhhhhhh...

Question is...would you buy a hoover from this kid? Maybe not, unless you wanted the Cops to charge you with receiving stolen goods:

So, if you're ever stuck for someone to open your supermarket/club/shop/outdoor toilet facility, then little Graham Rooney will probably cost less than a bag of chips. Bear in mind though, if you advertise that 'ROONEY TO OPEN NEW STORE' and Graham walks out; just be sure to be prepared to fend off a baying mob of soccer fans and probably best to have the windows boarded up incase of bricking.

Here is the REAL Rooney doing what he does best:

Funny advert: Rooney hits the spot!

2010-02-15T02:44:00.001-08:00

"Beyonche, Beyonke, Begone, Be.. Who's that fella?"

...this got me thinking of a certain commentator by the name of Effin Eddie:

My sporting comedy cavalcade domino effect continues with this this...

"TEAR-ARSE!!!!!!!"

2010-02-12T03:28:00.000-08:00

MORE JOHN TERRY STUFF...

YOU WILL LOVE THIS ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A FAN OF LOST!

LATEST ARANMAN....FUNNILY ENOUGH ALSO ON A TERRY THEME!

HAVE A TOP WEEKEND ME LOVELIES!!!!!!!!

2010-02-12T00:27:00.000-08:00

NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO VD THIS WEEKEND?

Fear not. The perfect date is out there...

WARNING: CONTAINS NAUGHTY WORDS

VIRTUAL BOYFRIEND:

VIRTUAL GIRLFRIEND:

2010-02-11T03:08:00.000-08:00

LORD OF THE RING: MS. DILDO BAGGINS

Here is a photo of the lady at the centre of the Vernon Kay "Twat Texts Tart" controversy. He has been accused of sending saucy text messages to the Page 3 lady. Although, judging from this photograph it looks like she has her hands full, so actually replying to a text message could be a problem.

Just don't mix them up love.

Speaking of looking like a twat, here is a pic of me this morning. It's my Jaykay impression:

Jamirocrap

And here is a picture of my "Quality" Radio chair which fell to pieces this morning...a bit like my career... fnarr fnarr

"So, Lenny, when you're sitting for four hours i highly recommend a back less, armless, shit stool." "Ah, cheers Doc"